I’m stepping outside of my usually serious psychotherapist role for a minute here, because there’s a situation, I guess you could call it, that I’d like to discuss that is beyond the scope of my professional practice.
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It’s called Online Dating.
The Risk
Don’t misunderstand. Many of my clients do it. I encourage it, in fact. However, I also know that the world of online dating is not unbridled paradise for everyone but me, because I have many facebook friends whose tales of their dates make me laugh right out loud. Then the Poodle gives me that sentient and pitying look of his, as if to say, You do realize you’re the only one here, right?
Well, wise Poodle, that’s the point. That’s why I’m even thinking about this online dating world. Not that you’re not excellent company, of course.
Every now and then, I decide to cast my net: first, I select about eight photos of me from the ones on my iPhone, all of which are current and all of which actually look like me. Then I spend an evening crafting a profile – not too detailed, not too flip; I mention my family, my interests, my work (without getting technical about it); I talk a little about what characteristics a man might have who would find me a good match. In other words, I do exactly what the sites advise people to do when they create their online profiles.
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I do this about every six months, because it doesn’t take me long to shut the whole thing down and go dark again.
I am not cynical. I am kind. I am compassionate, and even funny. I am not perfect and I don’t seek perfection in a mate. But let me tell you a little about the luck I’ve had this go around.
Since I posted this incarnation of my profile, which was toward the end of July, nearly 1000 men have viewed it. I have received many winks, which I disregard because I find them creepy, for one thing, and also because I don’t really know how to respond to them. Thanks for the wink? I’m not altogether sure I am grateful for some of the winks I get.
I’ve had several emails about getting together immediately that involve his offering his cell phone number and an offsite email address. I delete those immediately, because if a man is too cheap to pay to the meager joining fees for the site, he’s probably not a good match for me on other counts.
I have had my share of emails from men with cut-and-paste profiles about walking along the seashore in the sunset, which then end abruptly in broken English and vaguely comprehensible commands to date them immediately; the photo are usually glamour shots no doubt lifted directly from the internet.
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I’ve had emails from men who clearly did not read my profile at all. I know this because if they had read it, they would quickly learn I’m not likely to be anyone’s biker mama anytime soon, nor would I be a candidate for exploring the inside of someone’s camper/primary residence deep in the woods and off the grid. I know there are women well suited to these men. Why do they write to me instead?
After a series of promising emails, though, I made four lunch dates. Here’s the cast of characters:
1) the man who, between the salad and the entree, started ticking off the ways I could improve my life by simplifying it;
2) the man who was referred to as an elderly gentleman by the hostess when I asked if there was someone waiting for me;
3) the man who seemed to have the world by the tail and by our after-lunch cappuccinos was asking me about handguns, food storage, and my thoughts about the imminent demise of western civilization – and recommending books I could read to get myself up to speed on the topic.
4) the man with the comb-over who told me I could be really beautiful, after I lose a few pounds.
I know this works for some people, because over the years I’ve read all the posts from VN women who have found great love through online dating sites. I don’t really understand why it doesn’t work for me. All I know is that I can’t seem to crack the code, after several attempts to do so.
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I would love to hear about success stories and about what you did that I clearly can’t seem to grasp. I’m about ready to pull my profile again, even though I am aware that doing so is the best way to guarantee I won’t find a match. I need encouragement!
Signed,
Single in Seattle (if you don’t count the Poodle)
Thanks for your support - supporting caregivers and those with Alzheimer's is so important!
I'm not going to have an affair. I'm getting divorced. I wouldn't have an affair. I feel guilty talking.
I have had almost the exact same experience…but without the 4 dates. Not one…zero, zilch, nil, nada. I’m very educated, my mother thinks that makes me intimidating. I tried hiding my education level, and not listing my job…nuthin.
I’m overweight, and I refuse to lie about it. I logged on as a man and checked out the competition. There are many ladies on the site who say they have “a few pounds to lose” that are twice my size…I have pictures posted that show me head to toe…maybe I’m not thin enough.
I’ve written the funny, haha, hilarious profile. I’ve written the serious, lengthy lay-it-all-out profile. The maximum length one…the handful of sentences one… still nuthin.
I do the same as you…dip a toe in the water, get discouraged again…hide my profile. This has been going on for the past 4 years, and you know what? Many of the male profiles I found so “promising”…are still there too.
I’ve come to believe that there are a lot of men on the site that just like to look and shop…maybe it’s kind of “junior porn” for them. Who knows? All I know is there are some wonderfully warm, loving, intelligent and single women out there (waving my arms wildly here) going to waste because the lonely, heartbroken, tired of being single men are too lazy, scared, picky, indecisive or maybe just plain stupid to ask. It’s a shame…
Guess I’ll stick to the produce isle…what do you think of these melons??? That looks like one fresh cucumber…
Ugg…
freeatlast - amazing, isn’t it? I’ve also noticed that there are profiles – with the same photos – of men who were on the site when I first ventured forth five years ago. I think I’m going to start going to more readings at my local bookstore!
Best wishes to you!
Seawriter and freeatlast, I really enjoyed your wonderfully creative posts. You sound like very interesting ladies and it’s too bad the guys are so “thick headed”.
This link may be of interest to you, you are not alone!! The guy in this video is definitely older, but seems very nice!
I wish you both the best and KNOW there is the perfect mate out there for you, don’t give up!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/10/online-dating-success_n_1086992.html
Here’s another great link! SeniorPeopleMeet.com is a possibility.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/dating/story/2011/06/Boomers-swelling-the-ranks-of-online-dating-sites—/48018456/1
I met my husband on an online dating site. I was widowed. He had just gotten divorced and his 15 year old daughter was living with him. He was/is a truck driver and when he and his daughter(she was living on the truck with him) came into town they stayed at his mom’s.
We exchanged e-mails for a while then I gave him my number,we did the phone thing for awhile then one night he called and said he was taking his daughter to movie would I like to meet them there. I told him what I would be wearing and where we could meet(I’m one of those people who likes to get somewhere early). I was waiting when they walked up.
We dated for about a month his daughter and my kids(17 and 20)got along pretty good. He was concerned that she needed to get back in school (he was homeschooling her). He asked if she could move in with us and go to high school,I said yes. He said he would continue to stay in his truck when he came to town. His mom and stepdad had kicked them out so they were basically homeless.
Well one thing led to another and he moved in with me too. We lived together for 6 months and he asked me to marry him. We were married a month later. That was 8 years ago.
Peggy, Great story! I’m glad it worked out so well for both of you and for the children! It’s stories like yours that make me believe that internet dating can work. Thanks for posting.
The attorney who took me out for a glass of water.
I have been on the dating sites for 8 years. Abysmal……..I am beautiful, accomplished, witty, warm, wicked sense of humor and hve been told I intimidate men. Well, why would I be interested in a man like that!!??
I wrote about my life and won a scholarship and am a Freshman at age 65, trying to make a difference in the world. Dancer, singer, author, poetess, veteran of the Women’s Army Corps, moderator of an abused survivors’ group, etc., etc.
You aren’t doing ANYthing wrong!
My experience has been so far…..they are either married, crazy, liars, players…what a shame…I have so much to offer and don’t want any I have met or read about.
Thinking of going to Home Depot and displaying a sign: Man Wanted…after all it pays to advertise, right??!
Alicia – it’s good to see your sense of humor remains intact! Home Depot…hmmm… maybe not such a bad idea!
I met my husband online Jan, 2010 and we married May 25, 2012. I was doing the online dating thing for 2 years, CONSISTENTLY before I met the great guy I am married to today.
You will probably think my methodology is crazy but here is what I always did. I searched the website based on profile picture (you have to be attracted to him right?) Then I would read his profile and find something we had in common to initiate the conversation. Most guys will respond. When I responded, I would give my vital stat’s. I would say, “To tell you a little about me, I am 5’6″ average size, not fat or skinny (as you can see by my CURRENT picture), my background is zyz # of years in the healthcare industry for a Fortune 500 company. My goal is to retire generating a stream of income in real estate . I am 52 years old and my birthday is 99/99/9999. Tell me about you?”
When you give a guy this must information, it’s brief and to the point. They would always reply and give me the same information about them. He responds giving me what industry he works in for xyz # of years, his height, weight, age and birthday. A lot of times they would not say anything about future goals but it’s good for them to see YOU have goals. It confirms you are worth pursuing.
Now I know:
#1 how tall he is (I like guys that are 6′ – 6′.3″ tall)
#2, his weight tells me if he is skinny, average or slightly overweight.
#3 his age and most important I WANT HIS BIRTHDAY. & (city, state, time he was born which I get in our one-on-one conversation later).
His picture, is dated so I know if it’s current or not and I don’t make an issue of it as long as I have the above information.
#4 I know if he is working or between jobs (if he’s between jobs, you are not going on a date because of low cash flow) You now know he can only be a “friend” to you.
After receiving all this information, I look in the following books to see if he is a match for me. ISBN 0-670-87527-9 The Secret Language of Relationships - Your Complete Personology Guide to any Relationship with Anyone . You need his birthday and yours. It will tell you what type of match he is to you:
1. Love
2. Marriage
3. Friendship
4. Family
5. Work
I always looked for LOVE and MARRIAGE matches. My husband is my LOVE match and ladies I could not tell you how happy I am today.
The next book I reference is ISBN# 0-8069-9529-7 The Little Giant Encyclopedia of the Zodiac. It contains Chinese Astrology by birthdate. I then would cross reference using his birthdate again. I want his Chinese Astrology sign. I love TIGER and DOG. My husband turned out to be a TIGER. I knew he was the one I wanted so I put all my efforts into him and dropped all the other guys I was talking to except another guy who was my MARRIAGE Match but he was a GOAT which was goo match for me but not as fiery a match for me as I wanted.
I know this all sounds crazy but ladies I had a date every thurs/fri/saturday night for pretty much so 1 year solid when I really put my mind to this. On the date, I would meet him, and decide if I was attracted to him and wanted to pursue it further as a relationship or he was just friendship for me. They were always attracted to me, no problem.
If you haven’t had any success. Give my suggestions a try, what will they hurt.
I am married (3) mo’s today. He asked me on May 12, 2012 mother’s day and said, he didn’t want to be engaged, he wanted to be married and we married at city hall on May 25, 2012. I am 52 years old with 4 grown kids 30, 28,20 and 16. I was previously married, and divorced and didn’t feel I needed a big wedding. I prefer to spend that money on college educations and travel which what we are doing today. I am so in love and know I have been blessed by God.
Carolyn
Carolyn -wow! what a great experience! Thank you for posting it. I’m so happy that online dating worked so well for you.
Best wishes to you for continued happiness and delight in your wonderful marriage.
Wise lady! Congratulations!!!!
Very funny post, Seawriter! I have tried online sites on and off for the last 3 months. Very little action, but then I’m 63 and don’t include a photo! I have sent an e-mail to about 4, offered to send a photo to each, with a comment that I am better than average looking. Not one has answered my e-mail with a request to e-mail them my photo. Interestingly a couple of them have remained on the sites for months now. At this point I wouldn’t even consider them.
I have been doing lots better in person. I have had to be more gregarious at gatherins, interested in others, flirty and encouraging without being over the top. I do think many men over 50 are flattered when soemone flirts with them in person because it happens so seldon, makes them feel good.
Chris – I’m glad you liked my post. I agree with you about meeting in person and have decided, much as you have, that it’s better to count on meeting someone the old fashioned way: face to face.
Online dating works for some, as previous posts demonstrate. I’ve tried it. Now I’m moving on to the new way, which is to say, the old way.
Best of luck to you!
I finally just posted a hilarious post…wish I could find it; I’ll look. It was just as satirical and tongue in cheek as it could be. I got several emails from men who told me I would never “catch” a man with that profile. I responded to them…”Baby if you don’t get my sense of humor, I pro ably won’t like you.”
Then I got an email from a man whose profile I had viewed several times, but I wrote him off…
He got me. We emailed back and forth. We talked on the phone…for hours. Then we met. And he is absolutely nothing like I was looking for. And everything I am glad I found. We are a couple with zero plans to vet married…been there, done that…zero plans to ever live together…but we ar e having a good time.
Just put it all on the line…you are pYong for it so you get to say in your profile whatever you want. I basically said I didn’t want to see pictures of motorcycles or cars or boats or them when they had hair and a six pack. And, above all, I did not want to see am picture of them with a fake tan and no shirt. My guy has a beer belly, wears crocs, and is as blunt as I am. Keep lookimg. Good luck!
Vicky – I have taken your advice to heart, though I haven’t changed my profile. Instead, I’ve changed the tone of the notes I’ve written. Let’s see what happens!
Hey ladies!
Starting today August 31, 2012 – Sep 3, 2012 this is E-HARMONY’s FREE Communication Weekend. Why not jump online for FREE and check the guys out for yourself. Something fun to do.
I have a girlfriend who take advantage of this every time E-Harmony has this offer and always meets someone new that become a friend. (she is not interested in marriage). He is her date during the holiday parties, etc. Nothing like having a little companionship with conversation & some outings during Christmas and New Year’s.
Just thought I’d share this “just in case” this post has sparked an interest. Have fun, why not?
Hi, Lovelysmile – I have read research that shows the census shoots way up on eHarmony when they run these free contact weekends. Maybe it’s worth investigating! Thanks for the tip.
Hi, I’m new here and boy am I glad I found Vibrant Nation! I finally feel normal, I now know I’m not the only one flapping around doing the things I do.
This is exactly what I do also…..spend hours on a profile, put it up…..the deluge of duds occurs…..shut profile down. Up, down, up, down for years now. It just makes me smile to know I am in the same boat as so many other 50+ women. It encourages me and I know that the next profile is just around the corner!
I do feel, however, that men of a similar age are seeking much younger women. No all of course, but I do believe the majority. I am 52 and have been lately thinking that in order to be successful online perhaps I should be looking in the 60+ age group.
I figure that the 60+ guy will then view me as the younger woman that he is sure he can attract and catch! I would be interested to hear thoughts on my latest theory. Anyone thought of this before me and had success?
Hi, Anonymous – First of all, welcome to the wonderful world of VN. I’ve been around since inception, and I can tell you that you’ve found a wonderful online group of girlfriends here.
“The deluge of duds…” – how well said! Maybe you’re on to something with the age thing, though. I think I’ll go make a change in the age range I’m looking for on my profile and see whether that makes any difference.
Best of luck to you, and again – welcome!
Seawriter and Ozjo:
You know that is a good idea to go on E-Harmony on this FREE Weekend that ends on Mon., Sep 3 and be open to matches up to age 65. You are right they will see you as the younger woman.
It’s worth giving it a try. Before I married my online “honey bunny” I was open to guys up to 61. My husband is actually 3 years YOUNGER than me so don’t discriminate going a couple of years younger as well.
Carolyn
Ozjo:
I am 52 as well. Birthday is this month on Sep 16. LOL!
Hi There
52 is not such a bad age, although at 32 I couldn’t have imagined myself in the here and now! Oh there were loads of younger guys, as young as 25. I asked one, who very keen and gave his mobile number, what on earth did he want to chat with me about??? Can you guess? This young gun thought that I might like to share with him the things that women like…sexually. I think he wanted all the secrets, things he could do that would make him awesome, a chick magnet if you like. It was funny of course, but sad too, are young guys under such pressure? Does anyone remember the mumbling, stumbling, clueless first time? I wouldn’t change it for anything! You have given me something to consider though, I discount anyone more than three minutes younger than me and, giving it some thought, I need to view myself as more than just the number 52! Thank you x
Oh, I should add that I shared nothing, just one of these
and blocked the poor little thing. Should have kept that number and given it to my 21 year old daughter….lol!
Good morning Ozjo:
I remember when the “20 somethings” would communicate with me as well. It was always funny to me. I have a son who is 30 and one who is 28 so when they would come at me, I couldn’t do anything but laugh! Of course, like you, I never went out with any of them either.
The youngest I would talk to are guys no more than 7 years younger than me. I am happy I am married to one that is as you say, no more than ”3 minutes younger than me” and I am assuming you are talking years of course. LOL!
Today is the last day to use E-Harmony for free! Happy fishin’!
I found these comments about dating on line pretty amazing…a really unique approach!
“My husband and I met on Match.com and married three years later. We were both in our late 50s. My experience on Match.com for the first couple years I was on it wasn’t favorable. Then, I discovered the secret. I released all expectation of how things should look. I released all attachment to how things should be. I had a two-pronged goal: I would use whatever time I had with someone at that first meeting to find out what about him was incredible. And I would leave him thinking “That was the most amazing hour I have ever spent (outside of bed).” As soon as I committed to that, there was no room left for worthless thoughts like “Is he my type? Does he like me? Do I like him?” all getting in the way of establishing a connection. The next 18 months was the most enjoyable period of dating I had ever had, and then my husband came along.
I would ask men what their vision was. I would ask what they were most proud of in their lives. (I care less about what people “do” than who they are.) I would ask them what the most amazing thing that ever happened to them was I spoke to a lot of men in that 18 month time period, and there was only one man who didn’t tell me something memorable about himself. When I asked him what the most amazing thing that ever happened to him was, he said “When I learned the multiplication tables.” I still think about that guy. So I guess, that, in itself is pretty amazing.
”
Evie: love your approach: asking about their vision, what they are most proud of and something memorable – great way to get them to talk and learn something deeper than their gold score.
So what do you do when the only man you ever dated was your ex- husband? Married for 35 years. Now Im in my 50′s and have to start dating. Its a different world out there for sure! The men I have met or talked to so far on the dating sites are wanting much younger women. Sometimes it would be very easy to throw in the towel, and thats when I hide my profile again. Its been 2 years now and no luck yet….
For what it’s worth, I just added a little paragraph to my online profile that says: while I appreciate the emails and winks I’ve been getting from younger men, I am really looking for a partner close to my own age. We have lived in the same times, listened to the same songs, and have a comfortable and comforting understanding of each other that comes from being of the same age group.
I’m hoping that will encourage the older men! And it is true: for some unknown reason, I get a disproportionate number of responses from men considerably younger than I am. I am too rational to be flattered, and tend to think it’s more likely I’m being viewed as a potential sugar mama.
Seawriter:
I agree with you. I never dated a guy that was more than 7 years younger than me but I did date a guy who was 12 years OLDER than me. Now that was interesting; so much knowledge and wisdom, I felt more like I was his daughter than his girlfriend, LOL!
Now back to what you were saying, yes, I think the young guys are testing to see if you are a COUGAR. Older woman dating substantially younger men. Look at Jennifer Lopez and Madonna dating guys in there mid’20′s classic examples. You know that’s all about young, hot, sex and they have the funds to take care of the young man too.
I hope your new paragraph helps older guys to come “hither” because it is a common sense statement. Did you go on E-Harmony on the FREE weekend? Hope so…
Ms. Seawriter…as you know, I got lucky with spouse. But if life turns around and I decide to take to the online dating scene, and based on your and my other BF’s experience, I’m thinking I’ll have a whole lot of time to write and finish that great novel.
I’ve had similar experiences Seawriter, and equal moments of despair. The last 7 dates I had were ‘ok’ but none were matches for me . I don’t know if you list your advanced degree or job, but I’ve been told that by listing my ‘credentials’ I come off as too ‘strong’ for men! And, that’s ok as I want an equal, but it’s frustrating.
I’m on hiatus right now and probably will rewrite my profile and then put it back up on OkCupid-free and not so bad. They seem to do a better job w/ weeding out the Fake guys!
I started blogging about dating and offering advice to others our age on my new blog, The Diva of Dating. You’ll find the link on my profile. There are so many of us with similar frustrations and hopes for finding a great guy!
I Have been told I intimidate men. LOL, I sure wouldn’t be interested in that kind of man. I want an equal…sophisticated, intelligent iwth a wicked sense of humor!
I call plenty of Fish (POF) plenty of carp; recently joined senior singles (for 2nd time), ok cupid and a few others. after 8 years, I give up.
Seawriter,
Your story hit a chord in me. Ten years ago I ventured into that online dating world… and yes, I have stories to tell. Like so many, I encountered more frogs than princes. But yet, something in me kept saying, “Hold on.” I’m glad that I did.
Two years ago, I met a great guy on eHarmony. We communicated, had some great online conversations, and then a misunderstanding. So much for the power of the written word. And with that said, he “closed” out my profile. Ouch.
Fast forward a few months. We found each other’s profiles again on a different site. He contacted me. I was skeptical, but decided to take a leap of faith and meet him for coffee. I’m glad I took that chance. Both of us had been wounded by past relationships and didn’t handle that first online meeting in the best way. We both now see this very clearly.
I took a chance that day and met my best friend.
He’s out there for you. Trust me.
Loved your post! I wrote a piece on this, How to Optimize Internet Dating, and the main points I made were that men like a puzzle, so don’t put down too much information and be somewhat funny. I saw my dating as a Seinfeld episode…but, I had fun even though I spent an afternoon hearing about one guy’s divorce, then I spent an evening hearing about another guy’s divorce, then there was the evening that turned into a relationship. It could happen!
Maybe you and I could write our own sitcom! Wink, wink!
Here’s a tip consistent with Lovelysmile0916′s approach but try it! The internet dating world is a tool to socialize, not date-to me dating comes after you get to know each other. I sincerely believe everyone I meet )and I’ve met lots of people on-line, at a car repair place, at a 5K, at work, etc.)HAS SOMETHING FOR ME-an experience that enlightens me, a joke or a laugh, a tale that teaches me to be more compassionate/empathetic, an eye color that reminds me of a lost friend. The point is when we shift the focus to just relating to people as people instead of potential life partners, knights in shinging armor or our soul mates (really? I think we get lots of chances at fun, love and friendship ladies!) our worlds are expanded, our loads lightened and perhaps just maybe better for the coffee, lunch or quick bite to eat. I treat this process as a journey not a destination and when the moon/stars align or maybe it is my turn and I’m ready it will happen-trust, faith and hope but not desperation! The only question to ask when you meet for both parties is DID WE ENJOY THIS & WOULD WE LIKE TO TALK/MEET AGAIN? Leave the rest of it to the adage one day at a time and think you’ll have more reallistic expectations and lots more fun! There are lots of interesting, nice men who are all on their journey just like us-we all deserve love, laughter and lightness in our lives. A true connection is rare on many levels, but shouldn’t it be? I don’t want to have that speciall illusive chemistry with each person I communicate with b/c when if does happen I will treasure it all the more! Remember we all learned to drive at 16yo a beater/hand-me down car and not the car I bet lots of us aspired to but it taught us lots and there have many cars along the road of life…and now maybe one you trust, like and respect so maybe socialize teaches us how to ‘drive’ or practice our conversation skills. LISTENING is a great life lesson that I really try to practice every day everywhere I go. Best of wishes ladies!
Lisa R.
What a wonderful comment…you are so right. It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘is the one’ that we lose sight of the moment. Great reminder for all of us!
Oh, that is so funny – and I thought it was only happening to me – I too am a not bad looking, educated, nice, really nice woman – 66 I am often told how young I look – then Internet dating and I feel I must look like I am much older – nobody in my age group gives a second look – finally one gent asked for coffee – he was 72 but I figured, maybe a “young” 72 – well he fell in love, told me his net worth, etc. and invited me to dinner – I figured, give this at least 2 dates -that’s what I would want someone to give me – the least to see if there’s a possibility of friendship – date no. 2 was nice and I started to feel the “expectations” – was asked on date no. 3 for 2 days later, a movie about “middle age sex”, cant remember the name. I did not want to have to push his hand-holding and God knows what in the dark cinema, so I said I was in friendship mode – well …. I crushed his heart and although his profile mentioned friendship, he disappeared. Met no. 2 for coffee – about my age – minus 3 – seemed to have the externals – then I heard him say that “women who get fooled, i.e. the date is married, or dating others, are stupid” -I know that we all do stupid things, but calling people stupid is not in my vocabulary. That’s good because in my work as a psychotherapist, that would have been quite un-therapeutic… and I will probably make some mistakes in the future and would hate someone call me stupid. Also met one for coffee – he seemed surprised when he met me – although my pictures are recent (in good lighting). Well I learned he was used to dating younger women – so I did not pass the test. My pictures has been liked – I have been winked at by men who obviously did not read my profile – I only want to date non smokers who live in my town – not across the country. I read somewhere that “quality men” are 1 to 10 out there – I believe that on dating sites, they are probably 1 to 50 – I mean men who really want a relationship. Thanks for getting this off my chest.
Hi, Tennim: I SO relate; I am about to be 66 (sept 29th) and been on the dating sites for (gaackk) 8 years! I have yet to meet even ONE man I would like to be friends with. Unfortunately, my birthday iis also the anniversary of being voted out of membership in my church after divorcing an abuser of 31 years.
I have managed to take the “ashes” of my life and make something positive from them. At age 60 I started school (psychology) and am still a freshman at age 65. I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about my life of overcoming.
I am a dancer, singer, author, poetess, vietnam era veteran, moderator of an abused survivors’ group, et al.
I believe we are here for a purpose and I have been working like a Trojan for over 10 years to get the message out there regarding verbal abuse; have written papers, etc.
I have to believe there is a man of quality out there for me (and all of our beautiful sisters here)
I must add that the man who told me about his net worth and was ready for marriage after 2 dates was an decent guy – for someone – he was just very needy for me – who has been on my own for 30 years and have done quite well thank you (also got a B.A. and an M.A. and started a new career).
I think the thing to keep in mind is : it is only a “date”, not a marriage proposal. Both parties should keep this in mind
. I’ve been on-line dating for quite some time and have had 2 relationships, one that ended bitterly and one that ended in a great, loving friendship. I also had the shortest date on record-20 minutes. The man put his hand on my knee in less that 2 minutes. Fastest Bloody Mary I *ever* had-I think I dashed out while still chewing the olive from that drink!! Have a few basic “policies” when you meet, of course…public place, must have eye contact, etc. AND, no hands on the knees!!
I met my current beau on a dating site one day before I had decided to “go dark” again. He is a rock musician, I am a classical musician. I decided to send him a one line email: “Do you think a rock musician and a classical musician might have anything in common <g>?”. I never thought he’d reply, of course. His response: “Well, let’s talk and find out!”. That did it for me….his willingness to talk and say hello. No let’s run away together, no let’s get to it right away, no let’s see if our bank accounts match, no complaining about past relationships/women. We’ve been happily together for 6 months, now, and TALK.
Long story short…we are all “looking” of course. But…have fun! He just might have a brother you’d spend the rest of your life with. <3 Dorrie
I laughed at that “chewing the olive on my way out”. No hands on knees – right on – and at the other end of the spectrum, those guys who just believe in love at first sight – did I say love or lust at first sight or see friendship as “with benefits”, wink wink. I forgot to mention the one who refused to have a coffee date at 10 in the morning… no date was a date unless after 6 p.m.