After watching myself on video last week, the final piece fell into place. I knew I had gained weight. It was more than just a few pounds because for the first time in my life, I felt slightly encumbered by carrying extra weight. For example, I couldn’t cross my legs easily. What? I’ve always been a leg crosser. This was ridiculous. What happened? Chubby thighs is what happened. Not burgeoning, just chubby — I was on the border of thinking I could still pass for being “normal weight.”
But so what? Did it matter what other people thought if I knew that when I snuggle into my favorite chair to watch Criminal Minds on tivo, I couldn’t exactly get as comfortable as I have always been my whole life in that crossed-leg position? NO! It didn’t matter what I looked like to others, or what I thought I looked like, or what I actually looked like: none of that mattered.
What mattered was that I couldn’t sit comfortably in my own home. But even that wasn’t enough of a wake up call for me. I needed more.
I got it. For my clinical internship, I had to submit a video of myself with a client in a psychotherapy session. I thought about making up excuses (“I accidentally erased my tape,” or “The battery died on my Flip camera,” or even the consummately weak, “I left my camera at home.”)
I almost did it: I almost gave up what would be 40% of my grade because I couldn’t bear to see how huge I looked on camera.
At the last moment, thank heavens, wisdom prevailed. I showed the tape. No one said anything about my appearance. Why should they? THEY ALREADY KNEW WHAT I LOOK LIKE!!! I was the only one who was surprised, and I was surprised only because I had been deluding myself.
Beginning the next day, I switched to a nutritionally balanced 1400-calorie diet. It has been a week now. I haven’t got on the scale, so I don’t know whether I’ve lost so much as an ounce. And one week is not enough to make a difference in my appearance. So at this point, it is the task of faith in myself and in this process to keep me going.
The first week has not been difficult. I’m very motivated right now and the experience of seeing myself on film is still very fresh. I can see that a challenge is going to be keeping a variety of foods in the house and not defaulting to a small and easy menu, because if I get bored with the food I’m eating, I could be at risk for sliding backwards.
One week down. 51 to go.
The first week flew by.
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I have a motivational picture….it isn’t terrible, just not great….and not what I wanted to look like…I pull it out every time I am tempted, and it usually works…..I do force myself to look in my full length mirror regularly in the buff, just for a reality check….there are also a couple of department store mirrors that are brutally honest as well, expecially that back view!!
Oooo what a great idea! I have some pics of myself at my highest weight just after the holidays. Need to print those out and keep in my purse! I’ve lost a few pounds since, but I do waver. I think I’ll also put in a picture of some pants I bought when I weighted less and would like to get back into.
Cecile, I like the idea of carrying a photo of the pants you’d like to fit back into. I cut out a photo from a catalog of a dress I’d like to buy and taped it on my refrigerator. I have some serious weight to lose before I can buy it, but the visual reminder is there right before my eyes.
I had a friend who cut a pictures out of a catalog of what she envisioned her best body to be, then she pasted her face on it…..kept that as a motivation also…..I might try that…..a body double!
Sunblossom, that full-length mirror thing is brutal, but I do it, too. I can’t believe how blind I seem to have become, though. It’s as if I looked and didn’t even see how much weight I had gained. It’s all a big mystery to me how I could trick myself into thinking, “not that bad.” Whoa!
Hi SeaWriter,
I think your experience is common, but usually we see it from the other side. Women of “normal” weight look in the mirror and see “fat and ugly.” (I’m qualifying “normal” because what’s “normal” is a discussion all by itself.) No matter how much weight they lose, they continue to see “fat.” It’s hard to see ourselves as others see us, whether for good or for bad.
Hautblossom (also in Seattle)
I would love to know your 1400 calorie diet. I need to get some. weight off myself and become motivated. Good Luck to all of us.
Mary Kay: My diet is simple. It’s a matter of remembering sound nutritional principles and being mindful of everything you put in your mouth, which is all nicely charted on caloriecount.about.com. All you do is enter every item you eat over the course of a day in your food log, and the food log factors the nutritional data and charts it for you, and it tracks it as you go so you know exactly how many calories you’ve already consumed at any point. It even gives you a grade for the day based on the nutritional composition of what you’ve eaten that day.
You get great information this way and you get great visuals (which help me because I’m a visual learner). And having to enter everything I eat really works for me and keeps me conscious.
I recommend this to anyone who “forgets” she ate something during the day (the way I seem to do if I don’t hold myself accountable by entering all food into a log). I thought it would be cumbersome to keep track of my eating in such detail, but I find I actually love doing this. It makes perfect sense to me.
This system has definitely reinforced the wisdom of my mother’s advice: shop only around the perimeter of the supermarket. That way you’ll have all fresh, unprocessed food. She was right!
Yes, good luck to us all. And yes, we can do this!
Thank you SeaWriter!! I have been trying to lose 20 +lbs over the last 10 years. I had a complete Hysterectomy 10 years ago, and within the last 10 years have had 6 surgeries for reoccuring Endometriosis, with my last surgery Dec. 2009. I have tried journaling everything that goes into my mouth, but have never tried counting calories. Perhaps seeing those numbers on paper or online will help more with shedding these unwanted pounds. I fluxuate continuously though. A pair of jeans my fit me fine today, but tomorrow or the next day they will be very snug.
I have cut out sweets and rarely use salt. It has been so frustrating…. it is good to see so many supporting each other. Count me in too.
One thing that will help you later in the day (I call it the 3pm cheesecake slump) is to begin the day with food that will set the thyroid up for energy. That food is an animal protein. I’ve been a Body Ecology Health coach for years but just learned this interesting fact about thyroid and energy. And when we feel good and energetic we are less likely to binge.
thanks for the tip about morning animal protein, Kathy. I’m assuming that includes eggs?
question: i have that foto of me – having gained 100 lbs in 10 years and truly hate myself for it – but can’t will myself to give up those comforting habits of food, recliner, and tv. how do i get to the place where i’m willing to give this up??
Good Morning Seawriter and all responding,
I Hate my “Middle” age slump. I cant get rid of it. Does anyone have any success stories? Has any tried the “flat Belly Diet”? Help … I need some help and encouragement. Thanks, KAT
Boo, I’m with you. I, too, am stuck in the food, recliner, and TV cycle. Desperately need motivation. I’m going to go check out kathleenrodman.com. Also, I use sparkpeople.com and I lost 25 lbs last year.
Boo - Set your weight goal with a date. Dr. Milton Erickson, the father of modern day hypnotherapy said a goal without a date is just a dream. I change my timetable when necessary if for some reason I do not hit the weight I am aimming for in the allotted time or heaven forbid I go up in a yo yo effect. I trim 10 to 15 lbs at a time to make it manageable and have reduced my weight by 43 lbs over the last four years and kept it off. I still have about 25 lbs to go. Walking 3.3 miles with a close girlfriend several times a week is a big help for me in reducing my weight. It is fun to talk to her and the hour passes quickly. Best of luck to you.
I am making a list of all the suggestions. Thanks for responding. I have this mindset that after menopause you can’t lose weight. Too many horror stories. I retired last June and have gained 10 pounds. Need a push and someone to tell me that you can lose weight after menopause.
I am making a list of all the suggestions. Thanks for responding. I have this mindset that after menopause you can’t lose weight. Too many horror stories. I retired last June and have gained 10 pounds. Need a push and someone to tell me that you can lose weight after menopause.
I could have written the part about being uncomfortable in my own home. I always have good intentions after visiting my grandchildren and seeing how large I look in pictures. My husband always takes a lot of pictures of the kids crawling all over me. We have twin granddaughters 1 1/2 years old and a grandson who is 2 years 9 months old. My wakeup came with a blood test showing my cholesterol very, very high. I have started a low calorie diet and I’m walking 30 minutes daily on a treadmill. I’m also on a cholesterol lowering medication.
I have to do this so I can see these grandchildren into adulthood.
I use the SparkPeople food journal….I love that I can both search for foods and keep a “favorites” list as well as a recipe calculator so I really know what is in my stuffed shells, etc. And it is free with lots of good information…..you can personalize your tracking to include fat, fiber, protein, sugar, etc. etc. as well as vitamins and minterals…..pretty good site overall.
Sunblossom, SparkPeople looks like a neat web site. Thanks for bringing it to our attention. I like the layout and all the features. Aren’t you glad we have these tools available to us and that they are so easy to use?
There is a book by John Gray called The Mars and Venus Diet and Exercise Solution. This book is not so much about diets and exercise but rather talks about creating the right brain chemistry for health and happiness.My husband lost his cravings for peanut butter and chocolate by following a program that is mentioned on page 21. If your body is well balanced you will lose your cravings.
By the way it takes 21 to 28 days to change a habit
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There is a serious security breakdown on this site, I would recommend that no one try to use it.
Although this is not conventional….It worked for me!! I am down 16 pounds on my first round and am maitaining the loss while having 1500-1700 calories a day. I am starting on my second round of my program on April 9th and hope to be down another 15 pounds. This has been wonderful.
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As a gal who is about to turn 59 and whose thyroid has not functioned in about 30 years, losing weight is always a challenge. But in the last several years, I find I am less interested in a “diet” than I am in eating to feel better. One thing I have found very helpful is a website called “RealAge.com” featuring articles and advice from Dr. Michael Roizen and Dr. Mehmet Oz (of Oprah fame). I find the best health tips, recipes, exercise videos and articles there and in the emails they send me daily! And it’s free! I especially love the recipes and hope to become a better, more healthful cook some day from trying them out!
Looked at this site today. It has a wealth of information. I took their “real age” test and was aghast that they said I was 3 years older than my biological age. Who needs to age any faster than they have to???? Enjoyed looking at their plan and lots of articles and motivators. Pretty down-to-earth stuff on this site. Thanks for recommending it.
I’m already 59 & have hypothyroidism, so know what you’re talking about. That’s why I LOVE SparkPeople, a free on-line program that advocates a healthy lifestyle, rather than dieting. And NOTHING is verboten…..just have dessert OCCASIONALLY, build it in to food plan. And they readily acknowledge that most people eat 80/20…..80% of the time they eat wonderful, healthy things (altho’ sometimes more often) & as much as 20% of the time, not so good. The more you eat well & exercise regularly (more than 80%, say), the quicker you’ll reach a healthier weight & can THEN adhere to the 80/20 philosophy. I just love good, healthy food; not crazy about exercise, altho’ I participate….just can’t seem to do it consistently, which is what SP helps you do. Just love it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/
I participated in a 21 day diabetes study at Stanford University. The reward was that I was given my exact caloric requirements to maintain my 120 lb weight at the time. That calorie count was 1320 calories. Since then I ballooned up to 225 lbs. I had a gastric bypass and got down to 120 once again…now a few yeas later iIam back up to 150lbs. It is devastating to have regained 1/4 of my post surgery loss. I am 5′ 0″ my normal weight should be 120lbs at most.
I will follow your post with interest and will try to follow you out of the abyss. Good luck to us and anyone else on this journey.
Hi Melba,
I sent you a VN private message. Hope you got it!
myfitnesspal.com also has a wealth of diet/nutrition/exercise knowledge and so many wonderful folks to share info with….there is a video of bethany and andrew there , a young couple who lost a lot together….so inspiring.