I find these suggestions helpful for guiding my actions, and I thought other VN women might like to see them, too:
(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.
(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.
(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.
(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.
(5) Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.
(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we’d like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.
(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.
(8) Instead of saying “No,” say what need of ours prevents us from saying “Yes.”
(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.
(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Good stuff Seawriter.
Skills in communication. I often need to have them reminded to me on a regular basis. Thanks for sharing.
anir
Excellent. I especially like #4.
Extreemly fine skills to live by! I’m using these as a guide how to be kind to myself especially in my internal talk. I’m so hard on my self. I would be ashamed of treating anyone like I treat me! I automatically treat others with respect, so I need to recallibrate my own mind.The universe acts on negative as well as positive thoughts, so mindful thought editing is required. Being kind on the inside and outside is helping me to remain proactive, and at peace! Thank you for listing these valuable steps! Kim V
Seawriter, being attuned to “the other” is so essential, especially in our narcissistic society. Yesterday my pastor had an excellent sermon on that, tying it to gluttony. Because by understanding the usual definition of gluttony in a fuller sense, to self-absorption, makes this entry into the “Seven Deadly Sins” much more difficult to avoid. And by looking at it in this way we understand the greater harm it does to relationships — not just our relationship to food — but in a “gluttonous” attitude to a whole host of things. Your thoughts?
Hi Sandra,
I like your thoughts about gluttony and its wide-reaching effects. I actually wrote a post on VN not too long ago (Who’s Hungry? One Billion Individuals) in which I stated my sense that being overweight demonstrates a disregard for the unequal distribution of the world’s resources when there are so many people who cannot get enough to eat. I was speaking strictly for myself and my own crisis of conscience, but I do feel existential pain at being chubby in a world where so many are hungry. I’m working on it. I believe if I use this as a point of meditation, and invoke mindfulness when grocery shopping and eating, my weight will normalize once again. This is a difficult issue for me at this time, and it is definitely packed full of life lessons.
I’ll be sure to check your earlier post on hunger for more info. However, your comment about unequal distribution caught my eye. I don’t think it’s as much a distribution problem as it is a dysfunctional problem from an economic standpoint. That is to say, when peoples in the non-first world (I know that “Third World” is not the current term; however, couldn’t think of its substitute at the moment.) lack individual ownership of property, access to basic medical care, education, etc., and are, essentially, captive to the whims of dictators, then these peoples are reduced to subsistence living. It’s a fundamental economic (and even common sense) consideration: when people cannot be sure that what they create, work for, will remain theirs, then they will be understandably reluctant to create, let alone innovate anything much beyond fulfilling basic needs. That’s fundamentally why the “market” system in these regions is a bazaar marketplace as opposed to a capital market.
Now your comment about being mindful when you shopped I thought was very interesting, too. It reminds me of a concept put forward by C.S. Lewis and that is, being grateful for the “middling” things of life. The “middling things” are neither bare necessities nor oppulent extravagances; they are things such as enjoying a glass of wine with friends, savoring a well-prepared meal, etc. In a sense, it is Aristotle’s (I think) “golden mean.” Nice way to live. Especially if we surround all we do with gratitude, don’t you think?
SeaWriter, thank you for taking time to comment — on my comment. : – ) And God’s blessings on success in your own weight battle. I relate. Lifelong challenge for me, too.
Thanks, this is a keeper. I will print it and save-very grounding.
Hi SeaWriter,
I just reread your post and would like to know what you think are the most universal emotional or psychological needs? I vaguely remember Maslow’s pyramid of needs from college-very vaguely, a long time ago. I would just like to jot down a few on #2 as a reminder when I reread this. Thanks.