I was living under the impression that I had done a great deal of ‘who am I now?’ work in the past few years, and was moving along happily adapting to being that person. Then I cam across a questionnaire that I felt compelled to complete, and found that for all my forward movement, there was still plenty of old work lurking in wait!
It makes a great deal of sense that as we approach midlife we take stock of what we’ve done, what roles we need to shed and work out what we want to accomplish with the rest of our days. Over time I realized that being a people pleaser and saying ‘yes’ to everything ultimately led to resentment and unhappiness. Now I know to check my gut instinct before I reply, and if I feel that saying yes is not a good idea, I politely decline and go on my way.
What I hadn’t bargained for when I answered the questions in this quiz was how much I still believe from childhood that was probably untrue then, and certainly is irrelevant now. When I do my gut check in response to a question or situation I am generally on the right path, but when I am caught on the fly I default to what I think of as “good little girl” mode. At some level I still assume everyone else knows better than me what I need or should be doing – and that is very disconcerting.
The purpose of the quiz was to uncover such redundant beliefs, so can report that it was effective. Being once again aware of this tendency I can deliberately and consciously pause before answering, then respond from who I am today. Part of me is thrilled to realize I am still learning new things about myself, but part of me is frustrated that some of the ‘new’ material is in fact old stuff that needs revisiting – once again.
The results also remind me that we are all works in progress. We don’t suddenly wake up at midlife fully evolved, but find it to be a wakeup call to check in with ourselves and see what needs tweaking and tuning up to get closer to who we feel we fundamentally are. The good news is that growing awareness brings about the desire to act – or to decide to stay in place. So, who are you now?
other blog entries from »
Thanks for sharing Gillian.
Nanlouise
Gillian, I am so pleased to hear you say that we are still a work in progress. I am 54 and continue to learn more about myself. Currently, I am out of work after relocating to FL with my husband. After setting up house I started looking for work. For weeks I spent hours a day on the computer searching as well as going out to businesses. Untill one day my 32 year old son asked me to write my perfect job. Well, he really got me to stop and think about who I was and now that I have this time to reflect, who am I?
I know that I love to work directly with people and have fun. I do not want to return to the high stressed work I left in MI. Last week I went to the local library and found that they had free meditation / relaxation classes every Sat. so I am going to start attending this Sat. I am also looking for volunteer work. Through volunteering and the meditation classes I can network with other people who think the way I do. This approach may be the best way to find work and to be true to myself.
Thank you for your message. It was another sign that I am on the right track.
Dow
Amen Sister! And I wonder — is some of that left-over stuff part of “who I really am”? Maybe, just maybe … what I need to learn is that … it doesn’t matter. That those parts of me I’m trying to outgrow and transcend (reject?) is still me, and … they are okay. Everything matters nothing matters.
But wait. I’m well past the middle of mid-life however you define it, and you may still be in the early stages. Does that make a difference? I think maybe it does.
I see the distinct possibility that a point may come when we recognize we have left “middle life.” New challenges will lie ahead and the road may look a bit different. Will we be “old” then? Will it matter what we call ourselves? When we were thirty the idea of being middle-aged was devastating.