As a general rule, women over 40 need more stimulation to become aroused enough for good sex. When we were young, just thinking about making love with our partners may have been enough to arouse us physically, but as we grow older, as sex hormones decrease and distractions build, it takes more. But not too much more. For some of us, reading a steamy novel will do it. For others, visual stimulation works better. A hot movie, for instance.
Ever since I first conceived of MiddlesexMD, one of my goals has been to gather a tasteful collection of erotica, visual and verbal art that will stimulate arousal in older women. All we had to do is find it, right? How hard could that be?
None of us at MiddlesexMD had really explored the world of erotic art. So we set our product buyer to work, buying up a sampling of the “state of the art,” beginning with films. She studied and chose a good selection, from how-to films to soft-boiled, story-centered erotic movies. We chose films targeted at women. And films targeted at older women. As the DVDs piled up in our product room, we decided to take an analytical approach to our selection.
Sort of analytical. We each invited a few girlfriends over for glass of wine, a viewing and a discussion.
Our goal was to review these films to gather criteria and characteristics of films that most appealed to our friends — some way to inform our buying choices for the store. Which would they use? Which would they recommend to their friends or watch with their partners? How would they rate them? What, specifically, did they like about each? We had our notepads and our pens poised. We had poured the wine, curled up in front of the TV… And then, showtime!
One film after another… fell flat on its face. We couldn’t watch more than a minute or two of any of them without reaching for the eject button. There was no analysis, no rating, no pulling apart criteria. We all… hated everything about all of them.
And we were disappointed. Really? Does it all really have to be so awful? We began again, discussing scenes in mainstream movies that we love, that work for us. We could easily name dozens of scenes that made us blush just recalling them. Scenes from The English Patient
And what characteristics did these movies and scenes have that mattered to us? The story is important, the emotions feel real. There is a buildup of passion, tension, and release. The woman’s seduction receives detailed attention. In short, there is romance.
What we didn’t like? Explicit sex. Mechanics. We really enjoy using our imaginations to fill in, and are perfectly happy with closeups of rapt faces.
We learned a lot from each other that night. We learned, too, that among our friends, at least, we’d all rather read a good sex scene than watch one.
How about you? Have you found tried-and-true erotica that works for you? What do you like about it? Have you failed to find anything? What is it about the works you’ve tried that doesn’t work for you?
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Since I don’t have a partner, I don’t need stimulation…have no problem with, ahhhhh being ready. However, I do have orgasms in my sleep. I once lost the hearing in my left ear after an orgasm; I looked it up on the internet……wow. there was actually an article on it…it’s like blowing out the engine in your car, LOL
“From Here to Eternity” is my scene, and of course the “Gone with the Wind” Scene
I am so blessed. My new friend and I write the most provocative erotica to each other that it alone can curl your toes. I have been kidding him that we need to write a book. I am hoping it will be an autobiography but we have a lot of miles between us and many obiligations so time will tell on that one. Got any ideas on how one might market such a novel? BTW-I just sent him the article and I can’t wait to hear what he has to say about it.
There are several publishers of erotica that might consider such a book ~ my suggestion would be to “go for it”! I have just completed my first erotica novel (at 59!) and am seeking a publisher. If you’re interested I’ll let you know what I learn through the process. After all when we get to this age we know a thing or two about what goes into good sex!
I would most certainly be interested, Dorothy. I am collecting all our correspondence and we are talking about doing a joint book with it being written from both perspectives. Somewhere I found a link to Nearby Cafe and it has really explicit pictures and a couple of stories. I liked the stories and he liked the pictures. BTW-I just turned 59 also, my partner will be 65 next month.
Yes, you are blessed.. and when you get that book published, PLEASE LET ME KNOW, ok? I love love reading provocative erotica… Have you ever read Ann Rice’s Trilogy? She wrote it under a pseudonym but I swear…. I was so engrossed by the story, I was embarrassed to be reading it in public! lol
All kidding aside, I live alone and I love to …read and I also love being passionate and since I am not involved with anyone right now… any tools – like books or short stories – are truly appreciated by this gal.. I have had a reallife fantasy man for oh, about NINE years.. (divorced 10 yrs ago) the good thing is that just thinking about him is yummy… the bad thing is that… while I am still enamored by him, I am not allowing other men to get too close… Boy, nothing like a good fantasy, esp when he sort of looks like G.Clooney and is very very inaccessible! LOL
I look forward to your recommendations as you continue your research. We’re all different in what we respond to, even at a common age, so I wonder if we’ll find some erotic films we agree are tingle-worthy. Since Hollywood is afraid to deal with our age group erotically as fully sexual (without laughing at us or making us seem crazed), I wonder if you’ll find anything from the US.
I used to enjoy The Red Shoe Diaries ~ haven’t watched one in years ~ but they seemed to have the right kind of approach for females. Most films are definitely designed for men. I completely agree that women don’t need visual to stimulate their imagination and often the written words works better. There is a series of books that are a collection of erotica short stories that are an excellent way to get acquainted with what’s out there and author’s you may like. I can’t remember the name of the volumes but they are fairly large paperbacks and you can purchase them at Barnes & Noble. I think they may be put out once a year and include some of the best stories of the year.
What I found in doing the research into this was that most books contain some really great stuff, but they also contain some very off-putting content as well. It’s hard to recommend one of those books to others when it includes some potentially offensive material. It appears to me there could be some opportunity out there for some new publications in this field! Good luck and keep me informed of your success in publishing your work.
I do tend to be a bit more stimulated by the visual vs the written. (A lot of it depends on my mood when I’m reading.) However, some of the DVD’s I’ve seen were very disappointing. I don’t mind it being a very low level porn’ish, but would much prefer it being in a movie that actually has a story to it, that happens to include really hot sex. Most of the ones I’ve seen tend to just be – excuse the description – a major f*** fest.
I’m shocked that a couple of movies that I personally found very sexually exciting didn’t make your list – “Bridges of Madison County” and “Unfaithful”.
Wow! That scene in the kitchen from “Bridges of Madison County” with them dancing to Johnny Hartman singing “I see Your Beautiful Face Before Me”! You can’t get much hotter than that!
If I’m thinking of the same movie – the scene in Unfaithful where they make love in the hallway! Another good one.
And, of course, when she finds an Italian lover in “Under the Tuscan Sun” So glad she didn’t end up with him but it sure brought her back to the real world! For those of us who have been “dumped” after years of marriage, it was wonderful!
This is a great “thread”! Keep it going!
Yes please, if you gals are writing erotica for hot sex – publish! I have bought a few ‘erotic’ books aimed at women – and geez! For every good story there were 5 that were all about hurting people, bondage, and screwed up people. Real, regualr women have and like hot sex, too – and I’m tired of spending $$ on books that I literally throw out the day after I buy them. As for those porn-type movies… yeah, too much ‘mechanics’ and endless “Ugh, Ugh, Ugh….”. I like the swept away kind – English Patient type…
These are great movie suggestions. I’ll try to find them.
A book suggestion I have is hte OUtlander series by Diana Gabaldon. There are some great, hot sex scenes between Jaime and Clare.
I suggest also if you can find any books published by Lily Pond. At one time there was an erotic magazine called Yellow Silk. It is no long published but now there are some collections of their stories in book form.
Add to the list, “Erotic Tales”, “Ordinary women, Extrordinary Sex”.”The Erotic Spirit”, “Under the Pomegranate Tree”. “The Best of American Erotica”. Check Amazon for some good prices. I have some of these listed on Amazon, I’m down-sizing.
The movie Swept Away with Madonna has some hot scenes as does like Shirley Valentine.
Romance Writers of America claims that women who read romances had sex 67% (or something like that) more often than women who don’t. So reading a good bodice-ripper or steamy romance could spice things up.
You think Looking for Mr. Goodbar is sexy when the girl gets stabbed to death during sex at the end?
Try something that appeals to the romance in a woman’s heart. Letters to Juliet, Something’s Gotta Give, How Stella Got her Groove Back
The scene in The Last of the Mohicans where Daniel Day Lewis first embraces Madeleine Stowe - it is such an enveloping, intimate, physical connection – OMG – he just wraps himself around her. He’s not hard to look at in this one either – but that embrace!!!!!
You forgot a wonderful movie with Alan Alda, ‘Same Time, Next Year’. And for reading try the Highlander Series by Karen Marie Moning. Youza!!!!!! There are some really hot and sexy scenes in those stories.
I also agree with ‘Alicia’ about ‘From Here to Eternity’ and ‘Gone With the Wind’. That beach scene…. and when Rhett carries Scarlet up those stairs and the screen fades to black…..my imagination goes, well, never mind where my imagination goes……
))
I’m amazed “Eyes Wide Shut” did not appear in your list…
I don’t have a problem getting aroused. I just have to think about making love with my husband and WHAM i am as ready as I was when I was young.
I was widowed in 2002 at the age of 45 (married almost 28 years). My sex life was almost non exstient(he had medical problems and he was addicted to pain meds and illegal drugs and alcohol).
I met a man (widower). We had a friends with benefits relationship. I had no problem with him. He brought out my sexual woman again. He didn’t want a relationship and as I look back neither did I.
I am now married to the love of my life. Our first time together was wonderful. We only left the motel room to walk over to Dennys to eat. It was the most wonderful weekend of my life. Like I said before I have no problem getting and staying aroused. My hubby is the most caring,gentle,dominate lover I could ever ask for.
I have heard that sex after 50 goes downhill, ours is strong,powerful,loving,sensual. I love making love to and with my husband.
As for the movie,my favorite is Murphy’s Romance starring Sally Field and James Garner. It is a romantic comedy. Also, anything with Sam Elliot in it. I like his rugged style, my hubby has rugged style,cowboy style.
Thank you for your feedback! This is a great resource! It is interesting how varied our preferences are, not surprising. I look forward to others adding to the list.
A couple of other films with good, romantic love scenes include, “The Thorn Birds” and “Chocolat”.