The info started with:
Are you or a loved one approaching the time of life many women fear — menopause? If so, you probably have questions about this sensitive subject.
Well, we didn’t, I’m sorry to say. We didn’t know it would be so momentous. So it caught us completely by surprise (read mind-numbing shock). But once it started? You bet your sweet bippy we had questions! And we sure wanted answers!
Here are 6 answers to help you go through menopause as comfortably as possible:
Oh Goody. Let’s hear them.
1. Why is menopause a puzzling time of life?
Before reaching the change of life, many women don’t know what to expect. That can be scary! There are horror stories floating around that can make women unnecessarily apprehensive, but you need to know that menopause is a normal part of your journey through life.
Oh sweetie. Menopause IS a freaking horror story. For most women who haven’t started immediately with hormones anyway.
Of course, it’s NORMAL. Puberty and childbirth are NORMAL, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions are NORMAL, but that doesn’t make them any easier to take. Especially if we don’t know what is coming!!
2. At about what age does menopause begin?
Most women cease having periods between the ages of 45 to 55. However, menopause can be induced earlier by surgery.
Yeah, well perimenopause can start years earlier. And for many women the symptoms start or are the worst in perimenopause. So you’d better amend those ages. And let me say that I talk to women in their sixties still dealing with it, so 55 sounds like a nice cutoff but it just ain’t always so. So the answer to this question? Whenever it wants to!
3. What are some of the symptoms?
During the early stages of menopause, called perimenopause, a woman’s menstrual cycle becomes irregular. When menopause has been completed, a woman no longer has periods at all. One of the most widespread symptoms of menopause is hot flashes and a high percentage of menopausal women have them. Some women experience feelings of depression while they are going through menopause and mood swings can accompany the change of life.
There is so much understatement here that I almost don’t know where to begin. Let me start with hot flashes. Widespread symptom? High percentage have them? Allow me to explain. Hot flashes are not short private vacations in the tropics. Because vacations are enjoyable. Think of the worst flu fever you’ve ever had – now quadruple it. And you’re not even close to how bad it is.
Depression and mood swings? We have more ups and downs than Six Flags. Tire commercials can move us to tears and the sound of the refrigerator or our cat breathing can piss us off. And again, none of the fun.
4. What about hair loss during and after menopause?
Hair loss sometimes occurs to some women with the aging process. This is one of the most distressing side effects of menopause. However, there are a lot of women who don’t lose their hair during this transitional period in their lives. Some women have higher levels of the hormones that cause hair thinning. If you are experiencing hair loss, you should check with your doctor about treatment options.
Having been one of the “some women”, I can tell you that yes that losing your hair is distressing. As in I was afraid I would be bald soon! It’s actually terrifying.
As for checking with my doctor about treatment options? I consulted with more than one physician. They were less helpful than the DMV and ten times as expensive. Like us, they have no experience with menopause that hasn’t been squelched by immediate hormone therapy. If I had to depend on them, I’d still be freaking out. Or bald. Or both. (For more info, you can write me.)
5. Are there any special nutrition recommendations for women going through menopause?
You might want to consider adding soy products to your diet to assist your estrogen levels. Be sure to get enough vitamin A to help your skin and hair to be as healthy as possible. Health food stores offer a variety of herbal extracts to help with menopausal symptoms.
Hmmmmmm special nutrition recommendations. Other than you can’t eat anything every again without gaining weight? Oh yeah, soy is one of the top food allergens, and can interfere with thyroid function. Since everything you eat turns to fat, might as well make chocolate your main food group. And wine. Lots of wine.
6. What medical help is available while you’re going through menopause?
Your doctor may prescribe treatment options to help lessen disturbing side effects of the change of life.
A combination of estrogen and progestin may be recommended by your doctor — if you don’t have a history of breast cancer in your family. There are treatments to help you if you are suffering from hot flashes that disturb your sleep and other symptoms as well
Or s/he might prescribe antidepressants, the latest “magic” cure for The Big M. I highly recommend holistic or complementary physicians/nurse practitioners who look at the whole person and don’t start with either HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or antidepressants as the first (sometimes only) approach. Check out Holistic Medical Association or Women In Balance to find a practitioner near you.
Although cessation of menstruation can be a puzzling time dreaded by many women, there are a number of advantages to this period of your life’s story. It’s a new chapter opening before you! You will probably be able to enjoy greater freedom than ever before to pursue interests you could not pursue before because of family responsibilities. Why not investigate new opportunities and challenges in this new chapter of your life!
While this is true, it doesn’t compute when we are in the beginning or worst stages of The Big M. There are few things worse than perky, upbeat proclamations about how this is the best time of our lives. Eventually it may be. (It certainly is for the goddesses.) But we went through a few RIDICULOUS years before we came out the other side feeling whole again. Different, but whole. Menopause. It will set you free but it will really mess with you first.
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You poor thing. That’s your truth, and I feel so very bad for you and other ladies that had miserable menopauses.
It wasn’t like that for all of us, thank goodness.
My truth..it was really not much.
Yes, Tamara, thank goodness some of us go through it with some ease. I honestly think it wouldn’t have been as bad if we’d been prepared for the possibility that it might be hard. Heck, we’re women – we can take a lot if we know it’s coming. eg. I was ready for puberty so it wasn’t any big deal at all. I fully expected Menopause to be a big nothing, too.
Ya know…maybe it was just a reversal for me. I hated my periods, found them to be the biggest pain in the ass. I used to get cramps, nothing debilitating, but just enough to make me miserable. Then, after I had my daughter, never had another cramp. Menopause was a breeze compared to puberty.
And my periods were like nothing – had cramps once in a while but usually it came unheralded: no muss no fuss. Maybe we’re on to something here………
I wonder if that’s why I dealt with surgical menopause so well 20 years ago at age 38? My periods were HELL my whole life. Then I started having to deal with PMS around 30 – and by 38 I was getting a little bit afraid of myself.
One time my husband actually came home from work and was greeted by a note from me saying “I’m in the bedroom with the door closed. Please eat supper without me. Don’t speak to me, not even something nice, because I’m afraid of what I might do. I think I might be looking for an excuse to kill somebody.”
The word “kill” in there was the only exaggeration. I was thrilled when I was finally told I had to have a complete hysterectomy. Of course, my immediate overnight full-on menopause was helped by HRT…… which I should never have been on if only we’d known I carried a couple cancer genes…..
But still, compared to the hell of my periods and then PMS, the hot flashes I still have today are just annoying. So I guess I should consider myself lucky, because other than the occasional freak-out when I have one while standing over a hot stove in the summer, I’ve never had to deal with full-out “sweat drenches”, not even while sleeping.
My Mom did, though – she went through menopausal hell till she was in her 70′s. BUT – she had no problems with her periods or PMS. Interesting.
I think you’re on to something. I had bad cramps from the time I was 13 until I was thrown into menopause at 47. By the time I was 35 I was also experiencing painful ovulations (and believe me, Ladies, that pain was worse than the menstruation cramps). I’m now going on 51. I don’t miss my periods at all. I don’t miss the cramps, the breakouts, the PMS, the pain, having to worry about leakage, etc. I now enjoy each and every day and look forward to my “menopause” injections every three months like a kid waiting to see the circus. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! Of course, I suffer sometimes from hot flashes and night sweats, but I look at those as perks because I don’t have to bundle up in the winter and can walk around naked in my apartment without being cold regardless of the temperature. My mother had really bad depilitating periods and had surgical menopause at age 42. At 69 she still has hot flashes from time to time, but nothing major. I do – however – now understand some of her nastiest mood swings and pray that I don’t experience them. So far, I’ve been lucky.
My sister was told my her (male) MD that there’s no feeling in the ovaries! Yeah, right…only because he didn’t have any!
You are soooooo lucky…don’t knock it. I’ve never felt so low in my life
I had no idea that it would be this dreadful either, and I sincerely hope that perimenopause can be as bad as it gets — only because I’m at the end of my tether at the moment. I’m in the later stages of peri-, look after myself, exercise, eat very well (but need to look at the soy connection, too) and supplement appropriately but can’t get the weight down am rapidly turning into a Troll. I’ve order a natural transdermal progesterone cream which should give me some relief and restore balance.
Thanks for blogging about this misunderstood and still very much taboo stage of our lives
in sisterhood and shared suffering <3
I swear that it is girlfriends (even more than my bioidentical hormones) that have gotten me through and out the other side!
Although I suffer from many of the wonders of menopause, I love it. Egads’ I’d have to find something else to make fun of and I’m sure hubby wouldn’t like where that went…LOL
LOL. I’ll read your comment to my husband – he’ll love it.
I love Menopause now. I sure didn’t love it a few years ago. The Big M has given me so much – a community of women that I adore (which is growing day by day) Although someday, I might actually like to write about something else…….
Ladies, I could add my stories here too, but I’ll add my dad’s story instead. My mother was 43 when I was born. My mom went through menopause as I went through puberty. My dad was a saint for not killing the both of us.
My father always said “Menopause ruined your mother!” Luckily, I have found it to be almost a non-event. A few hot flashes and that’s it.
Had a menopause thing at 51 — had started jogging 3 miles a day, taking multi-doses of vitamins and became a vegetarian — no smoking, no alcohol and very little sugar. I’d noticed how sugar-hungry I’d been during/prior to periods — and now that I know more about sugar — I know for me I became trigger-happy and prepared to mow anybody down with my mood swings.
I am most happily and wonderfully delighted that menopause has never — and hopefully — never will be terminal — only temporarily Ridiculous – up with Menopause!!
You go girl! I don’t eat sugar much anymore either – it’s like I actually don’t like it, anymore. And don’t miss it. But still drink a glass of wine a day. I am healthier than I’ve ever been, but most important more awake and aware than ever before. And for that I credit The Big M. It got my attention, and I really thought about how I wanted to live. Up with Menopause and up with our second childhood!
Lynette – great job deconstructing and correcting this type of menopause rhetoric, and with humour! I appreciate your speaking up for and representing the segment of women who DO have a very difficult time with perimenopause and menopause.
For those who have not suffered in this way or to this degree, I am happy for them, but they can’t possibly fully comprehend what it is like for those of us who do experience what can be the “horrors of menopause.”
I keep posting my recommendation - for anyone who is suffering and trying to understand what is going on with her body and what she can do about it that won’t cause adverse side effects (like cancer) – to read Suzanne Somers’ book on this subject “Breakthrough”.
Women who are not having severe menopause horrors are lucky in that their hormone levels have either not all simultaneously nose-dived, or have not gone out of proportion to each other (at least no more than is necessary for the cessation of menstruation).
But, just because you may not be suffering with the really terrible and noticeable symptoms (e.g., miserable hot flashes and sleeplessness) does not mean you are out of the woods. You could be suffering from bone loss/weakened bones, thyroid dysfunction, adrenal exhaustion and weight gain/change in body shape that is all related to hormone decreases/hormone imbalance. Hormones are responsible for body contours/shape (which is why we get thickened midriffs and belly fat in menopause) and hormones are also what makes muscle tone and muscle building possible.
Hormones are also responsible for cardio-vascular functioning and health, as well as brain health. Menopause and decreased/absent or out-of-proportion hormone levels can make you more vulnerable long term to heart attack, stroke and dementia.
One final thing about the rhetoric you were taking to task – that nonsense is basically promoting SYNTHETIC (read: cancer-causing) hormone replacement therapy. It mentions your doctor may supplement/replace “estrogen and progestin” – NOTE: progestin is synthetic PROGESTERONE. Do not take progestin – insist on “bio-identical” (plant-based) estrogen (known as Estrace) and natural progesterone (known as Prometrium). If your doctor tries to tell you progestin and progesterone are the same thing – change doctors.
The whole hormone thing is part of the endocrine system. Medical school training apparently devotes a whole 4 HOURS to teaching about the endocrine/hormone system. We can’t rely on our doctors for detailed or up to date information – they don’t know, and what ongoing information they do get is from drug reps pushing synthetic hormones (which make the drug companies billions).
Well said (and written), Lisa! We have to keep being our own advocates – maybe then things will change, if not for us, then for our daughters!
The only positive thing I can say about Menopause, is that it changed my relationship with my underpants. Now all my underpants can be my good underpants. Other than that — 900 calories a day, or I gain weight, more than one glass of wine and I flash up a storm. And then there’s the tendonitis that MD’s are not tracking (many athletic woman I know develop tendonitis in Peri and continues well into full throttle menopause.) Emotionally, I’m less on a roller coaster than I used to be, and no more pelvic pain – especially mid cycle – ovulation used to be horrific for me. aka Middleschmertz (middle pain — how about “a knife through your middle pain”). MACA really helped me– google it, find it, use it. It works by nourishing your hypothalamus and pituitary glands (aka master glands) so your body naturally balances your hormones. It helped me- certainly with flashes- my makeup stopped sliding off my face. But now that I think of it, I haven’t had to buy a winter coat in a couple of years……Global warming…Sherry Warming, I’m in sync with the universe.
Thanks for the heads up on Maca, Sherry. I did use it and it is wonderful. And it is all that some women I know have needed. Oh yes, and more than one and a half glasses of wine leave me both flashing and not sleeping. sheesh! And you are right about the underpants – and I can wear white pants without worrying about anything except whether someone will call “Thar she blows”. LOL
Very well said. I had years of extremely painful periods, two miscarriages and then a hysterectomy that revealed undiagnosed Stage IV endometriosis. Then the estrogen patch did not get the hormones into my blood stream for over a year. And I felt like an old woman. I didn’t have raging hot flashes, or lose my hair – I felt like someone else – someone I didn’t want to be. I started to get timid and I began to withdraw.
Once I took the bio-identical hormones I got me back! And all is not perfect – but it’s a whole hell of a lot better.
Thank you for this information. I’m going thought the hell of the Big M and trying to educate myself on what can do to survive it. Being a part of the VN has helped me a lot.
Well said I completely second Lynette’s comments - We have to keep being our own advocates – maybe then things will change, if not for us, then for our daughters!
This writeup about menopause is hilarious and absolutely true. Thanks for the great laugh this morning! I am in the midst of menopause and last year, I could have murdered my husband…thank God I have bioidentical hormones to even it out.
If anyone else says to me, embrace this part of your life..well there is no telling what I might say. Thank God for a regular yoga practise to keep me half-sane.
Laughing and our Menopause Goddess community are pretty much what got all of us through. What am I saying? We aren’t ‘through’ yet. But we are sooooooo much better and feeling pretty darn vibrant these days!
I started HRT six months before my periods disappeared. And I don’t regret it one bit. I was 51 and took them daily until I reached 59. Since then, I take HRT every few days - I sleep well, I don’t have osteoporosis and I feel and look great ( I am 64). Women used to die shortly after menopause. Now we can live 30-40 ears post menopause…. When the thyroid is underactive, we would not think of letting the person go without.
I just turned 56 on Monday; had my last period in January. Since then I have gained nearly 10 lbs right in my tummy area! I think I have been going thru perimen for years; have had maybe four ‘warm’ flashes; was on Vagifem but stopped that 8 months ago. Feel fine; having vaginal dryness but my question is. Is this it? Am I done? Where does the all the stuff from our periods go???
I just turned 56 on Monday; had my last period in January. Since then I have gained nearly 10 lbs right in my tummy area! I think I have been going thru perimen for years; have had maybe four ‘warm’ flashes; was on Vagifem but stopped that 8 months ago. Feel fine; having vaginal dryness but my question is. Is this it? Am I done? Where does the all the stuff from our periods go??? What will happen if I don’t have any replacement hormones??
My experience: Hot flashes, mood swings, and a prescription for a “natural” hormone cream containing “natural” estrogen and progestin which resulted in a diagnosis of breast cancer. My advice: NOTHING is worth having to go through dealing with cancer. Stay away from HRT no matter what a doctor will tell you and ride out the symptoms, as hellish as they are. But again, NOTHING is as hellish as dealing with cancer.
So well said. And we don’t actually have much research available on biioidentical hormones or natural hormone preparations, so it’s best to assume the risks are pretty much the same as synthetic. HRT is a choice every woman must consider, weighing risks vs balances. Thanks for sharing your experience – I agree, nothing is as hellish as dealing with cancer. Which is why I’m hastening to get off my BHRT now – so far, going well. Be well.
Wow. maybe its so hard if you fight it? seems wacky and not necessary. Dealing with change and things you now can’t do anymore may be the real issue.
I HAD A HELL OF A TIME GOING THOUGH IT
Maybe. Except I don’t feel like I fought it – I feel like it fought me. And I didn’t really know there was going to be a fight. As for things I can’t do anymore? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Can’t really think of any. Except staying cool. Oh and feeling like myself. So I now have a new self – I like her. Go figure.
Hi Lynette:I just wanted to say I agree with what you are saying.I started losing my hair at the age of 35.I went to my family doctor and she sent me to a specialist which was a 4.5 hour drive.All he said was that I was taking after my father who was bald on top.He told me to go home and dye my hair and it would look thicker.Yeah Right all that did was make my hair fall out even more.I have stopped dying my hair and I find it is not quite as thin but still can see my scalp.If you have anything that you could tell me I really would appreciate it.
Now as far as the hot flashes I wish I could crawl into a refridgator and stay there until they are all over.But I did get some help from my doctor.She put me on eflexor and my hot flashes aren”t as bad and my mood swings aren’t as bad.My husband jokingly tells me he will stop anything he is doing to go get my pills.He calls them the miracle drug.I just wish I had been taken them years ago because I don’t get upset as quick as I use too and I feel like being around people again.
My memory really sucks.I told my husband that one of these days I will leave home and won’t be able to find my way back.I put things away and can’t remember what I did with it.I have to write things down tyo remember what I have to do from one day to the next.
Then the trouble with my bladder.Try going fishing and band lobsters and run to the bathroom with your oilgear on every 10-15 min.The doctors say drink plenty of water or the infection will come back.So I try to drink as much water as I can.After they gave me enough meds to clear up the infection I finally can go fishing again without having to worry about wetting myself.I don’t have to wear diapers either.
I have gainned lots of weight around my belly area also.
But I hope that I can stay healthy in every other way. do not take anyother meds except for my stomache pills and my eflexor.
Sorry to be so negative but I had a hard time when I was young with my periods too.I had heavy periods and very bad cramps.So I am glad that part of my live is over.
I want to thank you for your blog I loved reading what everyone had to saY.
I hope you can tell me about what to do with my hair.
Thanks again for all the information
Linda
Hi Linda,
Okay, here’s some possibilities/remedies re: hair loss problem. It could be thyroid, even if your blood tests came out normal. They are not sensitive enough and many holistic MD’s are now prescribing thyroid hormones based on symptoms. DUH. So check out Holistic Medical Assn or Women In Balance to find a practitioner.
2nd. Nioxin shampoo and conditioner (get the one for noticeably thinning hair) helps stop the loss. And it’s just good shampoo, so this is a no brainer.
3rd. Many women lose hair because the hair follicle gets gunked up with the end product of testosterone. You can take a prescription called spironolactone, which is a diuretic, but given your bathroom propensity, might not be a great idea. And many (including me) can’t tolerate it. However, there is now a topical version of spironolactone (5%) which might help – I plan to get my MD to get me a RX as soon as I return from this long trip I am on.
4. Get a hairdresser who understands thin hair (preferably one who has had to deal with it herself). The right layered cut coupled with judicious careful highlighting or lowlighting can make hair look fuller and get rid of the scalp showing.
5. Visit Menopause Goddess Blog for more help/commiseration. Search “thinning hair” on the blog for more.
Good luck! Let me know how it goes!
OMG, I enjoyed reading your response and I totally agree. I’m having a hell of a time with the whole menopause thing. Thank you for putting a smile on my face and reminding me that I am not alone.
You’re welcome – laughing and sisterhood gets us through!
For the most part, I’ve been OK with menopause. My periods were no fun, for sure. And my skin finally cleared up! After having my second child at 30, I started breaking out & visits to the dermatologist didn’t help. One MD thought I might be sensitive to estrogen. He may have been right…my skin finally cleared up almost a year ago. When we hope for a youthful complexion, we don’t usually have that of an acne-plagued adolescent in mind! Of course, I have had to get used to being soaked with sweat for no apparent reason, head to foot! Mood swings? I was already on antidepressents, so they’re taken care of. Mmmmm….Prozac…better living through chemistry! What the article didn’t mention was vaginal drying & tenderness. Dryness…OK, there are a million different brands of lubricants out there. But I was not prepared for the sudden feeling that I had grown my hymen back!! I guess you could say my man made me feel like a teenager again! But, like I said, that wasn’t really what I had in mind. It looks like the article you read, Lynette, was written by a man. I honestly believe that’s why menopause was pooh-poohed for so long. Medicine was ruled my men. Women’s problems were all in our heads. Change is slow, but it’s coming.
Our generation of women is definitely outspoken about our experience – and that is a very good thing. Hopefully, we can educate the medical profession and get their attention – more research and more understanding should be forthcoming. Vibrant menopausal women are a force to be reckoned with. Let’s hear it for Change!
Love your comments, Lynette…for the past several years I’ve been asking my doctor about the changes I was experiencing. All he’d say was, “your hormone levels are normal…” I had my uterus removed when I was 30 due to fibroid tumors so haven’t had a period in a lon-n-n-ng time. The only way I would know where I was in my cycle was water retention and/or crying jags. Now I DO know I’m experiencing the “Big M” (love how you call it that!)…hot flashes galore! I’m either roasting or freezing…and to learn it can go on for a very long time, oh goodie. LOL And don’t even get me started about weight…”eat less, exercise more.” Ha! The fat cells just laugh!!!!! Think chocolate and wine are the best answer.
Thanks again for your great comments.
LOL, Barb. Maybe we can start a new trend: the Menopause chocolate and wine diet. Space out those all important 900 calories throughout the day. Seriously, I count calories – so in order to have my wine and chocolate, I HAVE to exercise. And I’ll do whatever it takes to get my daily caloric intake down to include my two survival food groups. I’m in France right now, where I am not counting my calories – my fat cells are actually cheering. That’s okay, when I get home, I’ll wipe the smiles right off their little mugs!