This October will mark the six year anniversary of my hysterectomy and I have no complaints about life without a period.
Most of the women I work with are still dealing with the inconvenience and discomfort caused by menstruation but it doesn’t come up in conversation much so I am blissfully unaware. The other day in the ladies room I heard the familiar crinkle of wrapper and the swearing that accompanies missing the waste basket with the tampon applicator. It was a bit of a jolt.
I got an odd sensation. It was kind of a “what is that?/yeah I remember that” combined thought. I guess you could call in ennui. Did I ever make those noises in the ladies room? A vague and distant memory tells me I did. But the memory is not readily available enough to remember how it felt. And that realization gave me an odd feeling.
Am I so far removed from my menstruating “sisters” that I am no longer able to dredge up my memories of what they deal with every month? To be perfectly blunt “does that make me a different kind of animal?” One who no longer shares the very core of common sisterhood?
That’s crazy – right? Sharing a common inconvenience does not a sister make – right? Or does it? Does my “life change” mean that I am no longer “one of them”? It was pretty heavy.
And then I thought “I am different”. I know what they know and I also know something they don’t know. I think they call that wisdom. And I am the same as they are with one notable exception. I don’t have the cramping, bleeding, fear of leaking, fear of killing a co-worker, surprise I’m here early, surprise I’m back again, expense of supplies (and extra expense of tampons that get shredded in my purse) monthly headache anymore.
I think they call this survivor guilt.
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Here’s my feeling on the whole thing: Been there, done that, don’t care anymore!
Tamara/Sunblossom, Thanks for speaking up for me, it’s the best thing that has happen to me…Track has none and I don’t care, Track has none and I don’t care, Track has none and I don’t care…the best is yet to come!! You know what tune that is!
).TRACK
Trust me – I wouldn’t go back to having one. I just don’t like to lose knowledge gained over years of discomfort, nor do I like the idea of losing the connection with younger women. Kind of like what I imagine sticking my tongue out at the alarm clock every morning when I’m retired will be. I don’t want to forget how painful it was because it will make living without it that much sweeter!
Believe me, I have not lost touch with younger women. I live with a sixteen year old! Life is a journey, right? We’re just on a different part of the roadway!
Good point. Not having any kids keeps me a little further away from the pulse of youth.
I’m connected to younger females all the time and not just my daughter. I have a good time with them, we interact well.
I’m connected to younger females and work side by side with them every day. And we get along famously. My point here was that there are some junctures at which a chasm exists (it doesn’t have to be a huge chasm) and perhaps this is one of the reasons why. And if there are areas where we could connect even better – no matter how small or how subtle – and we can identify the cause – might we not enable a better and more robust interaction. It couldn’t hurt to explore such possibilities. I am in no way suggesting that older women and younger women cannot coexist.
That’s HILARIOUS, Track! (^_^)
I love your response! All I can say is DITTO!
I am happily and blissfully unaware of that anymore…..I never even give it a passing thought…..it is truly one of the best things about getting older……
Actually – I’ve had some haunting memories – here’s a post I wrote a year ago:
Phantom Period Posted by Robin Donovan June9
Admit it. You women who haven’t hit menopause yet are jealous that I never have a period. You should be – it’s awesome! I never have to worry about my white pants. I never have to think about running out of a meeting because I might be leaking. I don’t get cramps. I don’t plot to murder my co-workers the week before it all hits. I don’t have to look for sales and buy a zillion tampons and sanitary napkins. And I DON’T have to wear a tampon WITH a sanitary napkin – god that was the worst! It’s true. I have it better than you!
I remember the day when I went through the house and jettisoned every “women’s sanitary product” that I had. It was AWESOME. I still had full boxes of tons of stuff. At first I felt guilty because it seemed so wasteful, but then, duh – I donated all of the full boxes to charity. Then I bagged all of the open boxes and went around giving them to friends. I did get some really weird looks – but who cares! It felt GREAT! I remember thinking I’d better keep a few tampons in case of a house guest emergency – but that killed me. I wanted everything out!
It makes sense – right? After years of putting up with the mess and inconvenience – not to mention the bone crushing pain (for many years I had severe cramping) I was finally free. Menopause rocks (in some ways)!
Here’s a bizarre thing, though. I have, on occasion, experienced odd sensations that I have come to think of as a phantom period. Usually I’m just going about my business and I experience a slight bit of pressure in my lower abdomen which makes me think – Oh, it’s coming. And then there’s a moment of shock when I realize – Wow, I don’t get those anymore. It’s the weirdest thing because my brain is triggered to assign certain sensations as “period connected recognition” (I just made that up but I think it sounds very official) and menopause hasn’t deprogrammed them. You know what’s even weirder – after each jolting revelation that there will be no period coming – there is a momentary feeling of ennui and loss before I snap to my senses and count my menopausal blessings. Wow, I’ve never admitted that to anyone before.
Robin: My menopause is medically induced. I’ve been taking anti-hormone shots for almost 3 years and have 2 more years to go. By that time I’ll be 53 years old and period free for 5 years. I don’t miss it. I sometimes wonder what we were thinking of as young girls wanting something that would cause us so much grief for 40+ years!!!! I – too- have experienced the “phantom period” and just like you I go – oh – wait – no more period!!! Yaaaaaa!!!! I sometimes even have the occasional “period” dream where I’m desperately trying to change a tampon before it gets really messy down there. Sometimes it turns into a nightmare where I don’t have a tampon and the need to change is URGENT!! Again I go – no more period!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I sometimes feel for the young girls that I encounter who complain about their periods – because – been there – done that!!! And I can definitely relate.
Yes, I can relate to everything you’re saying. I just hate fearing embarrassment in a dream – there’s enough of that in life!
Nope. Dont get it at all. I’m defined by a hell of a lot more than bleeding 4-1/2 days a month.
I’m smack dab in the middle of peri-menopause. Its been 2 months since my last one, and I would be happy to have it other with, and it means nothing more to me other than no more trashed out undies or unforseen accidents.
I remain viable, and relevant, and completely female regardless of my age or ovulation status. Dont even think about it all that much.
And thats the way it is…..
I agree with everything you say. I never said I felt less viable, relevant or female. In fact having a period made me feel extremely unfeminine. I’ve been period free for 6 years this November – and I am very happy about it. For all of the reasons that you suggest. That was a huge celebration for me.
As with everything else there are two sides to consider. Once side far outweighs the other – no more periods, embarrassing leaking, horrifying cramps and feelings of wanting to kill everyone around me!!! However, after 6 years I genuinely seem to have forgotten what my younger “sisters” go through – it’s almost like it never happened to me. And maybe they don’t get my full consideration because I forget how obnoxious the experience could sometimes be. That’s all.
I truly think menopause is one of life’s rewards for making it this far! I love it!!!
If sharing something is important sis, I’ll gladly share not having “that” anymore……period!
It IS awesome not having to go through all of that. And for me – in my last 6 months or so – the pain and bloating from endometriosis took it to a level that very nearly killed me. So for me the relief is enormous. And I agree – not having it is far better than having it.
I like to empathize with others – but I don’t want to walk in many of their shoes!
I think I am truly blessed. I seldom had any real problems with my periods and breezed through menopause at about age 50.
When I read what has been written, I had to laugh at the part about no leaks. I’ve traded my period for incontinence – still have to watch for pads on sale, and be careful about how hard I laugh!
Oh ouch. That never even dawned on me as I wrote my little rant. You sure know how to put things into perspective.
I’ll share one thing with you though. Years ago my friend’s mother went into her doctor for some very minor surgery. Afterward she saw the doctor and he said to her “were you ever going to tell me about your “leakage” problem? Good thing for you I noticed it while I was fixing “the other thing” and I fixed that too!” If you haven’t already talked to a doctor – do it – there’s a lot they can fix! If my comment is too late – Bless you! I’ll be calling you in a few years when I need to be talked through it!
And let’s focus on one thought “The best is yet to come – dammit!!!”
I have official been “diagnosed” but it is, for the most part, very minor. Unless I really do something, it’s totally manageable. If, down the road, it gets really bad, surgery would probably be an option – just one I don’t feel the need to look into just yet.
Feel free to call me any time!
Thanks. And I agree – surgery should be a last resort. But – if it takes away your enjoyment of life even just a little – surgery starts to make a lot of sense. I’ll keep a good thought for you! And keep my fingers crossed for me!
If I enjoyed life any more, I’d probably be arrested!!
That’s my goal – the enjoying not the arrest!