I’ve noticed in perusing various sites frequented by the “menopausal set” that issues about dressing are uppermost on everyone’s mind. The majority of us want to dress hip and chic without trying to look as though we think we’re still 20 something. After all – so many of us are still in the workplace – unlike generations of menopausal women who came before us. The rest of us just want to be comfortable without looking like something that slept in a dumpster. Is that too much to ask?
When you look at the fashion challenges facing women in their early 50’s it can be daunting. I mean once menopause hits things start to shift – and not in a good way. Even those of us who maintain a trim and youthful physique (bitches!) can’t help but notice the effects of gravity. And for those of us whose shape has changed leaving us no choice but to resort to the evil front butted mommy jeans – things are looking anything but up!
Now add in the smaller portion of us who have undergone hysterectomies of various degrees and are faced with the extreme discomfort resulting from surgical scarring and you have a front butted mommy jean with a baggy ass (we can’t take pressure in the front so the butt does not hug!). I don’t know about you but it’s enough to bring tears to my eyes!
Right after my surgery I was smart enough to realize that a certain amount of swelling was inevitable. What the HysterSisters refer to as Swelly Belly. I was nervous but I suspected it would pass with time. Months later I realized that although it had morphed from the original Swelly Belly things were far from being “back to normal”. I was confused and disappointed. I had such a hard time getting dressed for work every morning. I started to shop obsessively for anything that didn’t “hurt” but still looked ok – and it was a major challenge. And I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about my concerns. At least not anyone who could relate or offer me any real hope of improvement.
I found a line of pajamas that were sooooo comfortable. I bought them in every color. For daytime I wasn’t as fortunate. I was buying sport pants and hoping that no one would notice as I wore them with suit jackets and incorporated them into my “boardroom” attire. There was no alternative if I didn’t want trousers so baggy my ass would be hanging down to the back of my knees! In desperation I contacted the pajama company. I asked them if they manufactured, or would consider manufacturing, a line of business clothing since they had clearly figured out the secret of comfort. The response I got from the company representative came dangerously close to making me burst into tears. “No,” she replied. “But feel free to wear our pajamas to work.” I am NOT kidding. A woman said that to me!
But fear not – there is hope. More and more manufacturers are designing stretch clothing that is hip and chic and really really comfortable. Yes, there are now pants that hug my ass! You need to shop around and try EVERYTHING on! Especially those of you with scar tissue. Once you’ve found the slacks that “feel” good start trying them on with coordinating tops (blouses/tees/jackets). If the ensemble looks good i.e. there’s a nice line, they’re not too tight, not too loose, not too trendy (NO bling on the jeans – and for god’s sake no strategically placed holes!!!), there’s not too much skin showing and they don’t make you look six months pregnant – you’re good to go! And trust me they are out there. Or don’t trust me – contact me – and I’ll help!
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Two words: Eileen Fisher
I went to the Eileen Fisher site with hope in my heart — oh, well. The pants look so flat on the models’ stomachs that I doubt they would work for me, and there were so many spaghetti strapped or sleeveless items. If I were thin, perhaps I could get these clothes to work for me, or if I wore skirts and dresses — gave them up after an ankle injury and surgery permanently disfigured my lower leg profile (can’t get in a boot, either). Feeling really fat and old and mishapen and unattractive now…not hopeless, though…somewhere out there is the camouflage for outer me which lets the inner me shine!
Hi Sandy,
I can relate to your ankle situation. I broke my legs last February and the surgery to repair the left one has left it swollen. I used to love to wear capris and skirts, but now I find myself hiding in long pants. I don’t know what I’m going to do next month in Hawaii. I try not to let it bother me, but it does sometimes–I look at it and feel fat and unattractive, too. Does your ankle hurt? I hope not.
Sandy – there is hope in pants! Go to Marshall’s and/or TJ Maxx and search for “designer” slacks by Larry Levine, or Liz or Willi Smith – there are several good designers. Then TRY THEM ON!!! The first 8 pairs will probably make you feel worse – but then you’ll find the one that is awesome. Now don’t expect to see awesome until you have a top pulled down over the tummy – pants alone can be very unforgiving. You’ll probably end up with 3 or 4 pair of black slacks – but that’s enough – you can do ANYTHING with that! They don’t have much variety in colors – but so what – keep buying black as long as it looks and feels good! For jeans try Bandolinoblu – they can look awesome and some are as comfortable as PJ’s. Department stores carry Levi 512 – flexible and tummy slimming – DON”T forget the top pulled down a little over the tummy. And none of these are expensive they can all be gotten for $12. – $25. Sandy – if you follow this advice you will look slim, feel fabulous and be comfortable!!! Now let me know how you make out!!! And don’t get discouraged – you WILL find the pants that work for you. And if on your first trip you find only one pair – wear them every day – just rinse them out at night! Whatever it takes – we’re rootin’ for ya!
Do the Bandolinoblue’s run true to size? I like the Levi 550′s.
The flexibility of the fabric makes a big difference. Sometimes the 12s are a little big for me – and I should be a pretty solid 12 right now – but I do have the sensitivity issue from my hysterectomy – so if they’re rigid I sometimes have to wear them a little loose for comfort. I hope that helps.
My problem is hip-to-waist ratio. In general, with womens’ pants, if it fits over my hips the waistband is WAY too big. The Gloria Vanderbilt line of pants and jeans all look just great on me, until you get to the waistband that’s pooching out 2-3″ in the back, over my butt. I can’t have the waistband taken in, or the jeans won’t fit over my hips when pulling them on anymore.
The only jeans I’ve found that fit my hips *and* waist are, ironically, men’s 569 Levi’s. I’m not saying they look great, but at least they fit. I think the zippers on mens’ jeans are longer than on women’s; I think the zippers go down further on the crotch area, which allows for a bigger opening to get them on while still having a waistband that fits once they’re zipped up.
In my quest for something that fits *and* looks halfway decent, I’ve tried on brands like Baby Phat and Apple Bottoms, which are supposedly cut fuller through the hip, but they all have that horrible, low, hip-hugger waistband, and I don’t want to get a “muffin top” look going.
I’ve looked at BondolinoBlu online, but it’s impossible to get any idea of how they’d look on a *normal* woman when the model shown is so skinny. They kind of remind me of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, which makes me suspect I’ll have the same waistband problem with them I always do with most brands.
So let’s hear it, ladies: what are the pant/jean brands that work for full hips, and are still comfortable?
Bandolinoblu has one jean that’s really soft and flexible (sorry I wish I’d kept the tag so I could identify exactly which). They look really good on because they mold to your curves (I always wear an overblouse – never tucked in!) and I think they would be pliable enough to pull up over your hips but still fit more accurately in the waist.
Thanks Robin. I guess I should head down to Macy’s and check ‘em out.
I found Bandolino jeans at TJ Maxx for $19.99. Very nice soft fabric. A little too busy with the front pockets for me in the style that was available. I thought they ran loose.
Have you ever tried ‘Not Your Daughter’s Jeans’ ??? Macy’s sells them in many styles and colours… They were featured on Oprah a while ago… and they are awesome !!! Finally I found jeans that sit properly at the waist, have some stretch and feel wonderful to wear… yet look like a million…
TJ Maxx and Marshalls are about the only places I shop with any regularity. And when the Maxx people say “they’re never the same place twice”, believe it. I may shop there twice and find nothing, but the next time I may need to rent a U-haul for all of my”finds”! Awesome store, awesome prices! I’m 58 and have NO desire to move over to what I’ve always called old lady clothes! There’s a reason they call it SAG Harbour!! Those clothes were made for my 7th Grade spinster music teacher!
I with you!
Oops, that’s I’m with you!
i just ordered some bandolinoblu, so here’s hoping!
My fingers are crossed!
I love Bandolini (at Ross) and Lizwear. Both seem to have some kind of elastic in the waistband so there is no gap..someone told me to try Lee Perfectf fit Jeans but they did not fit me. ITs frustrating to be 58 and to love the teen clothes (my style of yesteryear) but I don’t want to look foolish so I’ve learned how to acessorize with scarves and jewelry on longish tops with jackets that are fitted at the waist. IT helps to have three 20 something daughters to encourage me along.
I’ve had good luck with Lee Riders – the stretch ones that say Insta-Fit (I think – or Instantly Slims You). Get the boot cut style, and try on a size smaller than you normally wear – you may be pleasantly surprised. They’re also budget-friendly – roughly $15, give or take a few pennies.
Great to know. I wonder if they’ll be too tight for my scar tissue? Thanks.
Total Agreement!!!! Eileen Fisher.
I love the Not Your Daughter’s Jeans – available at most dept. stores. A little pricey, but learned from my daughter when she bought her expensive one pair of jeans for college – “I’d rather spend $90 for a pair that lasts than $25 for 4 pairs that shrink, fade, and never look that good.” she’s a smart girl.
Also, Izod golf wear – very inexpensive, check out the outlet malls, most have an outlet. The skorts, shorts, tops, and pants are made of that microfiber that all the cooling, wicking pj’s are made of. I’m a golfer, but they work great for travel and everyday. I’d never have known if it were not for golf. I wear them for everyday and stay cool.
For work, I do like Eileen Fisher and some of J Jill’s more mature fashions. Tip for the budget conscious: eBay for Elieen Fisher if you don’t mind pre-owned (and some are new).
What I really would like (and am trying to convince some clothing co to make) is a soft cotton bra like we used to have for training bras – you know, with the little pink rose. The cotton was soft and wicking – polyester in bras = drenched.
I have to say that I really empathize with trying to find comfy but not dumpy clothing for my “new” body. I recently went on a clothing RANT on my Menopause Goddess Blog, but so far no designers are beating at my door begging to help. I’m still holding out hope.
Good to know NYDjeans work for someone. Mine were quick to lose their shape – I still wear them around the house. Thanks for your insights and I’m anxious to check out your blog!
I get Eileen Fisher at Filene’s Basement, Neiman Marcus last call, etc. or I buy one piece and then make up the rest of the outfit with Marshall’s.
I found a great pair of Not Your Daughters Jeans at TJ Maxx for $29.00. I scooped them up because I have 3 pair in my closet that I paid $100.00 for.
Just bought a book of photos of Frida Kahlos’s wardrobe. She had a bad leg from disease, polio I think, and a childhood accident and was in constant pain as her paintings depict, yet she dressed wonderfully in long ethnic skirts, huipils, shawls, ruanas, etc. I live in Idaho, so am not necessarily expected to dress in a sophisticated city way, although there are those who do — and I weave some of my own one of a kind clothing. I love long skirts, the gypsy look, and I have a collection of shell tops and long shirts to wear over them. It’s casual, colorful, and I feel good even with my extra pounds and cane.
Thanks for sharing that Penelope. I think weaving your own clothing is as sophisticated as it gets!
Have any of you tried art shows for cool one-of-a-kind clothing? A good majority of independent clothing designers who exhibit at art shows are baby boomers and design for our age group. I have also found great items on ETSY.COM. Search wearable art! No one will notice a little extra tummy bulge or back fat when you are wearing something unique and fabulous!
I don’t have a large belly but I do have a wide hip, and bigger butt and legs and I love the way Chico’s clothes both fit the body and the style for a boomer woman. They’re great for work and play and can be dressed up for evening. Hip, chic, and comfortable with lots of mix and match tops and bottoms that are great for hiding the flaws. They are online if you don’t have stores in your area.
Check out the web site Little in the Middle. Sizes range from 0 – 22. I have not worn them but it looks interesting to me. I tailor every single pair of pants and jeans I own. I have been doing this for 4 years now. I find that my shopping options have expanded since I am willing to invest the extra $12 it costs me to take up every pair of pants. I wear a 31 inseam and regular pants run 32, short is 30 and petites run 28-29. The extra inch makes a huge difference in how the pants hang. Sometimes I buy 2 pair if I really like them and do a seperate 1.5″ inseam so I can wear them with flats and heals. I am not rich and shop at T J Maxx, Marshalls and online sales but I am fussy about fit. Tailors are necessary for those of us who cannot fit into off the rack clothing.
What does the hem look like on jeans when they are altered? What am referring to is the faded edge.
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Isn’t it nice to see that none of us is alone? In 30 years at the forefront of the image consultant industry, I’ve learned (and teach) that color and line are the cornerstones of image and the keys to a dynamic overall look. The lines of an outfit must fall correctly and enhance your shape–whatever your shape–rather than distort it. The right lines honor a woman’s curves.
Great lines have to do with cut, stitching, details and the substantiality of the fabric. There’s a ton of free information about this at my blog, and you can sign up for free e-book and monthly newsletter at my Web site to really get the in-depth scoop on “line.” Two things I can tell you simply, right off the bat: the right colors will make your skin look beautiful, and framing your face with the right collar, jewlery and colors in fabric and makeup will keep the attention on your face rather than on your hips, legs, etc. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I’ve never heard it was the waistline
Sandy
I tried emailing you one-on-one, but I think something got glitched! What brand are the PJs you are referring to? Also, have you found some decent work clothes that help with hot flashes or are made of wicked material that can pass for work clothes? If so, I would love some tips! Thanks,
The PJs were a Shopko brand called SoftSensations. I also like the target brand Gilligan O’Malley – but watch out for the thicker wastebands – some of them can choke you at the waist – usually they’re awesome!
As far as workclothes, I just tend to wear slacks and a t-top with short sleeves. Then I always have a jacket – but it’s usually draped over the chair. I also keep a fan right next to my desk. The t-top saves my life and with a jacket I’m fit for anything. I also wear a lot of open backed shoes – my feet can get sweaty in boots or closed shoes. They have open backed shoes that are dressy or casual. The key to great work clothes is layering. If you can’t take off the jacket or sweater you’re in big trouble. An acrylic knit top with short sleeves can take the place of the t-top – but use varying jackets and jewelry to change up the look – don’t stray from the short sleeved light weight top! Good luck – and as the Vibrant Nation experts say – if the heat gets really bad run some cold water on your wrists!