Hello, dear ones,
I don't think I could have asked for a more perfect post to read today. Today is my birthday. I am 61. I have been suffering all week with the most vicious sinus infection I've ever had in my life - to say that on a pain scale of 1-10 mine reached a 12 this week would not be an exaggeration. I smiled and made the best of it while well-meaning family members tried to help me celebrate my birthday when all I really wanted was to be left alone to rest and focus on getting better. I told them I was ok with postponing the celebration until next weekend. I tried to be as polite and considerate as possible. They came anyway, filling my house with noise and food (stuff I've told them a million times I don't like or no longer eat, but who listens?) and by the time they left my head felt like it was in a vice.
Why am I telling you this in response to your post? Because I'm trying to tell it from the other side. I love my family. They mean well, but I get so very angry when they ignore my feelings or my wishes on the grounds that, for some unknown reason, once I turned 60 I was suddenly incapable of knowing what was best for me or how I should be feeling. ME? They couldn't be talking about me? 60 is not old. 60 is not feeble. Every little physical problem - problems that are normal in any aging body - is not cause for everyone to watch me like I"m going to melt if I go out in the rain. I did go out in the rain the other day and did not call anyone to tell them I was going out, and did not answer my cell phone. I'm surprised they did not have the police out looking for me and did apologise when they told me how they were "sick with worry." . I appreciate how much they love me and want to take care of me, but they have no idea the effect their treatment is having on me.
I have a mind. It still works, rather well, I would say in all modesty. I have a body that, while it lets me down from time to time, still works after a fashion and would probably work better if I took better care of it (I've accepted that I'll never run a marathon but being able to climb the stairs to my apartment without my knees screaming would be nice). I have dreams still unrealized and goals still to attain, and making me feel as if I am barely capeable of tying my own shoe laces only makes it harder because on the days when things aren't working as well as they should, I start to believe them. If I start to do that, then I might as well pack it all in and spend the rest of my life rocking on the porch.
Our independence, our freedom, the right to make our own choices about our lives, is something most of us have waited for until our kids were grown and gone and our responsibilities to others have lessened. Now, suddenly, when we are finally free to chase our dreams, we're being told we're too old. I refuse to buy into that, and it is something my family will just have to accept if they want to remain a part of my life.
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm dumping on you, quite the contrary. I applaud what must have been a very difficult decision for you to make. I just wanted you to know that while it may not be want you would want for her, it is wha she wants, what gives her a sense that her life is still her own, that at the very least she is still her own person. For a woman of her generation, having your own identity and being able to hold on tight to it no matter what is worth fighting for.
Love and hugs to you both,
Flower Bear
