“When we are mindful, we notice that another person suffers. The other person may be a husband, a wife, or a child. If one person suffers, that person needs to talk to someone in order to get relief. We have to offer our presence, and we have to listen deeply to the other person who is suffering. That is the practice of love–deep listening.
But if we are full of anger, irritation, and prejudices, we don’t have the capacity to listen deeply to the people we love. If people we love cannot communicate with us, then they will suffer more.
Learning how to listen deeply is our responsibility. We are motivated by the desire to relieve suffering. That is why we listen. We need to listen with all our heart, without intention to judge, condemn, or criticize. And if we listen in that way for one hour, we are practicing true love. We don’t have to say anything; we just need to listen.
“The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves “inside the skin” of the other. When we are in contact with another’s suffering, a feeling of compassion is born in us. Compassion means literally “to suffer with.” –Thich Nhat Hanh
Thank you Quma Learning & Dennis Deaton
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
I learned compassion, empathy, the art of listening to others (I do believe it’s an art) with an open mind and open heart, I’ve learned not to judge or criticize (at least I try very hard not to) because of my wonderful son who was born with cerebral palsy and taught me all of those things. I am a much better person because of him.
I agree listening is an art. Willing to share how your got there?
Must get back to the principle that compassion and love can only come from one who has those qualities for oneself. We cannot give what we don’t have. When I do not judge myself, talk nasty to myself, lose patience with myself or any of the negatives which can reduce me to a blob — then I can be useful to another!! It’s a long road — but so well worth the effort.
Each response hightlights the desire to listen, to extend, to love and support. I love the thought that when we are able to extend love and compassion and acceptance to ourselves, we can then offer that to others. I happen to be blessed enough to be married to a man who loves by listening. He is truly curious and desirous of knowing how I am, who I am where I am. I learn so much from him – daily – and one of the things that he does (so much better than I) is that he listens first and speaks second. It reminds me of a quote by Stephen Covey— “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – really good thought for me to practice,
I would love to be known as someone who loves by listening…
I was taught that if you truely listen to someone, you look them in the eyes, you do not interrupt or change the subject. Ask questions if you don;t understand & be there in the moment for them.
There is also the truth that by listening intently you are in a place of peace, no matter what is being said. The words have to find a place in you to register and so cannot run up against your walls or blocks whether they are fears or passion. Being receptive is being a pool of still water. When another person HAS TO say something, the most precious gift is to know you will receive their words – just receive them. So many needs, masked by arguments, are simply “Hear me.”
So be aware of, alert for, that Hear Me plea, and return to that still pool. Give someone the gift of being heard. Often, that is all the solution they need and want.