I’ve begun to suspect I may have some anger-control issues. Not surprisingly, they may be directly related to the fact that having had to deal with breast cancer three times since 2002 seems to have left me feeling like I have no control over my life. And so I refuse to let anyone or anything else in life have control over me.
The problem with that is, so very many people and entities feel it’s necessary to exercise control over me, over others, just over, and so I find myself reacting. Angrily. Or with strong emotional responses, at the very least.
I do my best to exercise control over my 6-lb Alpha-wannabe dog who can be so sweet, but who has unfortunately earned herself the nickname Cujo-Bitch by my stepson…. But other than that I can’t think of one single person I try to control. Not even my husband. Ever.
I suspect that’s because my Mom is a control freak, and so is my sister – and because I’ve watched this in them since I was very young, I’ve always known I’d rather not be like that. Of course, this means no-one has ever been allowed to control me, either – and the fact that cancer is stripping me of my control over my own life….. Literally my own LIFE….. That’s been hard for me.
I’d like to have control over my own body and destroy all cancer cells before they can even finish forming. Since that’s not possible, I will at least continue to refuse to let any person or entity on this planet think they can or should have any control over me, as long as I’ve done nothing illegal.
It’s the least I can do for myself. It’s also the right thing to do for myself. And now for a really bad pun given my two single mastectomies, plus the equivalent last summer of a double mastectomy:
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
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