Real Obstacles
The real obstacle that I so frequently hear from people right 
now is “I don’t have the money.” For example, a friend really wants to go on a vacation. She is broke. Truly flat and busted. She really shouldn’t be spending money that she doesn’t have. In this case, a clear examination of the feeling she wants from a vacation can do her a lot of good in the meantime. There are very likely ways that she can achieve some of the same feelings of vacation without the expense, e.g. a picnic, a drive up to the mountains, hanging out at a friend’s pool. Looking at those desired feelings is very likely to inspire some creative action and inform her of ways that her life could be shifting in the meantime, too. Is her work worth more than she is being paid? Could she ask for more or seek more appropriate work for her qualifications? Does she need to ask for more help from her family so that she isn’t so tired at the end of each day?
The beauty of real obstacles is that they help us get very clear about what we truly want and help us find the motivation to start achieving. If my friend finds that the temporary feelings of short term breaks aren’t enough, then she can shift her focus toward planning and saving for a longer vacation. She might even find that her overall financial situation improves as she works toward a positive goal instead of trudging through debt and frustration.
Imagined Obstacles
These are my favorite. Honestly, imagined obstacles are what keep me in business and they are so fun to dissolve.
One of the most frequent objections in this category is “I don’t have time.” News flash: every person on the planet has 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No one has “enough” time. We only have the time we have. Whether you are a meth addict or Oprah, we each get to decide what to do with those 24 hours every day. We often feel that we don’t have enough time when we are engaging in activities that drain us. I spent a single session with a client recently who went from feeling completely drained by a job that is less than thrilling right now to understanding her needs and setting small action goals that completely work within the confines of her current situation. She was transformed. She went from angrily believing “I don’t have enough time” to understanding that she was putting herself last on her priority list – and having the compassion for herself to change that status. No wonder she didn’t have any time for herself! The bottom of the list never does.
Oh my gosh, nothing!
I love this answer. And you would be shocked by how often this is the truth.
I have always had a million excuses for not exercising but when I finally asked myself what was stopping me from moving more, I finally faced my “I don’t want to” attitude with a firm answer of “Oh my gosh, nothing.” And I’ve set some fun goals to keep me motivated – and moving!
“Oh my gosh, nothing!” is the antidote to the monster we imagine in the shadows. A candid examination of what is stopping you may just turn on all the right lights.
What situation do you have right now that deserves to be challenged with “What is stopping you?”
Are there other types of obstacles that I have overlooked?
What blocked desire have you recently answered “Oh my gosh, nothing!” to?
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p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
Well, here is my reality….my first, and so far only, thought is that what is stopping me is being so overwhelmed that you don’t even know where to start……do I find a job closer to my significant other instead of the 30 mile drive (he is unable to move because he has owns and continues to own a restaurant in his town for 40 years)…been looking for two years (nothing–no one wants a 60 year old secretary, plain and simple truth, there are no jobs for my skill level in the town I would have to move to)…..there is no way to get away from the stress of the IRS breathing down my neck for money I didn’t know I owed (divorce residue)….so now I own nothing because I don’t want them to take anything away….what is stopping me is that truly, both my income and my credit sucks, I live paycheck to paycheck…one missed check and I am toast financially…..post 911 destroyed my savings….for when I was 20 or so, being a secretary was actually what some of us strove to accomplish….now it pays borderline poverty level income….saving money is somewhat of a joke when you earn $1400….do the math….my basic expenses are $1500…that is just rent, car, insurance, food, internet, and gasoline….and believe me those are all at bare minimums….so I guess I would say yes, money is my obstacle….fun goals are something from my distant past….survival is the mode of the day.
As read this I’m thinking this is probably not what you were looking for…I guess I was just trying to point out that there are real issues that stop people and that even if your middle name is Pollyanna sometimes things are just not possible to accomplish, no matter how perky of an attitude you have.
I’ve spent the past 6 months trying to decide whether or not to retire (we have to come up with a better word for that). I’ve confirmed that I can afford to, and women I’ve met all tell me that it’s wonderful. My job doesn’t thrill me and I’m ready for something new. The only thing that stops me is Fear of Change. I think I just have to hold my nose and jump in the water!
I have just turned 60, am single with no children at home, and am being forced by downsizing to retire in less than three months from my government positon. I’ve been upset and paralyzed by the “What Next?” question. In the last 48 hours I’ve looked at the other question: “Why Not?” I will have two (very!) modest pensions, but that income allows me to look at possibilities I couldn’t previously have considered. Wow! Suddenly I am seeing and hearing of SO MANY INTERESTING OPTIONS! Rather than being panicked, I feel free and eager to seek out my new adventures. It’s amazing what can happen when you ask a different question.
Terrylee, see my post above yours. I’m so happy to hear the excitement in your voice – and a little envious too. My question is how have you come to hear about these Options? I’m wondering if the difference between our experiences so far is that I’ve kept my planning to myself since I haven’t told my boss yet.
AnneS – I was very interested in your comment about Fear of Change. In my work as a coach, I find it very helpful to encourage people to get crystal clear on their values and then the idea of changing toward options that align with their values is much less scary. (And I agree that we need a new word for “retire”!)
Yes, yes, yes, Anne! I felt that envy! And that’s kind of how I started looking around and thinking about what it is about other people’s choices that appeals to me. One friend entered the travel industry and, as she grew older and children moved away, she gradually unencumbered herself of house and belongings. She now lives at least half the year in a small compartment on a yacht, where she provisions and basically is “cruise director.” I am not ready yet to give up my roots, but the travel and adventure appeals to me. Chatting with a 60+ woman cab driver in our relatively small-size city, gave me a perspective on jobs with flexible hours and freedom from office life. Turns out she “specializes” in shuttling patients from their homes to the various medical facilities in town. She says the pay is ok, the risk is low, and she feels like she’s being of service. And my own sister, 58 this year, has just been accepted for a Masters program in social work, specializing in elder issues. This interest came to her while she was wrestling with the challenges involved in placing our father in a care facility and managing his care and other affairs. I guess, bottom line, if I am open to possibilities I might never before have considered, there’s no limit.
Late last week I did hold my nose and jump … and enrolled in a travel director course this fall in San Francisco. Learning to lead groups to travel and adventure, here and abroad, is just the ticket for now. I may or may not love it, but I know I will learn from the training and experience. A couple of weeks in SF will be fun, too! But for me, the real point was moving through the fear of change and TAKING THE ACTION.
Good luck, Anne!
Thanks so much Terrylee. I appreciate hearing of these real life examples. I was unemployed about 10 years ago for 12 months, and I used the time to try out a few different things. At the time though replacing my income was of primary importance. This time around, I don’t have to be as particular and can do what interests me, even if as a volunteer. Again, thanks for the encouragement!
terrylee – this IS exciting. Congratulations on the adventures ahead. Thanks for commenting.
Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.