The phone rang after 10 pm, and since my phone seldom rings before 1o pm I was startled. Kristi, my first born daughter, jumped right into her news, “Mom, Travis asked me to marry him tonight! We are getting married!” She then told me the entire story of how he did it, which by the way is the biggie for men; they have the power over the engagement story, most of the time.
They had gone camping at some place that was home to alligators galore. It was rainy and she was miserable. Travis had carried the ring in his pocket all weekend, but the time was never quite right. Maybe mud, mess and the mere fear of being eaten by a gator took the romance away. When they were home, safe and dry he played a song he wrote for her; she said the whole time he was singing how it was a perfect time for a proposal. And it was. The ring was fabulous, just what she had envisioned (okay the one she picked out) and he was on one knee- the stuff of romance. She said yes, they went to a nice dinner to celebrate and then I got my call.
“Have you set a date?” I asked, because that is the question that follows. I read the handbook.
“We want to get married on November 1st- it will be the ten year anniversary of our first kiss- and it is a Saturday.” Could it get any more romantic than that? I was happy for my daughter, nicknamed Barbie by one of her friend’s mothers a long time ago. Now to the planning. If I remember my favorite Barbie coloring book correctly, it included showers, dinners and in the end a big celebration with the couple riding off toward their future.
There were a few pages missing in my coloring book. Like the page about Barbie and Ken having two different ideas about everything from where rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception should be held. Barbie being Protestant and Ken, Catholic. There were tears, and there was frustration, but in the end they accomplished what I was beginning to think may be BIG problems- compromise, communication and control. If they couldn’t plan a wedding, life together would be a calamity. Like boaring through a mountain side they worked through the difficulties. The wedding would be at the Catholic church in Castroville, but without the Lord’s Supper. It would be insulting to the Protestants because they would not be allowed to partake. The church is beautiful and so ornate, no decorations were needed.
Isn’t compromising cool?
The rehearsal dinner was on the parents. The mothers all made pot roast complete with carrots and potatoes. It was great. Travis had made a slide show with their baby/kid pictures which graduated to when they dated 10 years before. LOVED it, and of course I sat in awe of this child of mine moving on, melding her life with this man. She had told me four years before the engagement that Travis was the man she was going to marry because no other man she ever met stood up to the Travis test. With that proclamation 4 or so years before the engagement, she added with laughter, “Now I need to convince Travis!”
Indeed, she had broken up with Travis in high school, because, well, she was in high school. Maturity is a great thing, and I, too, felt she needed to grow up some. Look what adulthood, before its time, did to Michael Jackson! I think she broke Travis’s heart and hers. She never stopped talking about him, she never stopped communication with him (or trying to communicate!) Then every guy she dated was placed next to her inner Travis-test. No one came near to sizing up.
I really do love the guy. Every year I use his story as inspiration for my students. I tell them they can take charge of their lives, like this young man I knew who made the following promises to himself: graduate in the top ten in order to go to the college of his choice, which was Texas A&M, get a degree in engineering, and then work at NASA. Travis achieved every goal, all the while playing with his brother in a band, writing songs and making CD’s.
Definitely not a slacker.
My daughter Kristi is beautiful, inside and out. If she is in a good mood, I swear she sparkles. I remember the day she announced to me what her intentions were for her life. “I know what I want, Momma. I want to marry and have children and be a stay-at-home mom!” She was in the backseat, we were driving back from seeing Shannon in Killeen. I must have pulled a muscle from jerking my head around so fast.
“What? You don’t even have a boyfriend. You need to finish school, become a multi-millionaire and take care of yourself,” was my divorced-mother-of two-grown- daughter’s reply.
“Nope, I know what I want. I want to be a mother, and that is all I have to say.”
Husband number two, the struggling guitar player looked astonished. He had never heard a woman say those words before. His reaction was sarcastic- but this man had a hard time taking care of himself, how could he envision the life of the more successful wage earners and their various life choices? I told Kristi good luck- and I meant it. She was always successful at creating her life- it was going to be fun to watch her.
On November first 2008, Kristi and Travis got married. Both were extremely nervous. They had fought a lot during the planning process, and these warriors met at the altar, both wide-eyed and shaking inside and out. Kristi had stayed with me a whole month before the nuptials so I could whip her into shape. We had a great month together. After the wedding, I came home to an empty bedroom- all her stuff was gone- and I sat on the couch and cried. A year later I cherish our month together, going to the gym everyday, kick boxing class, some yoga added in the mix. We did everything Barbie and her mother should do before the big day.
I was honered to pick the newlyweds up from the airport when they got back from their honeymoon. I got to see the pictures, hear the stories, and just take in the new atmosphere these two were in. They were relaxed, calm and happy. I was amazed at the difference in both of them. I think they both realized they had made a good choice in partners.
In February they told me they were expecting, that Owen was on his way. Travis, the engineer, keeps spreadsheets on everything, and already had one made for baby names, and five years of future holidays- where they would spend them and with whom. If it isn’t on a spreadsheet, it ain’t happening- so Travis hopes!
Kristi is now a stay-at-home-mom. She married the man she set out to marry and their life is pretty good. I am happy for her and Travis, and me! I have a beautiful grandson, and daughter number 1 is happy. Daughter number two is in Colorado today meeting her boyfriends parents. There may be a wedding in the future; I like her choice as well- he is another wonderful young man.
I had prayed since both my girls were born that they would find good men, and that they would be happy in their choice of partners. So I thank God for Travis and Jeremy; hold on- the phone is ringing….
other blog entries from »
Hi, fun to read post. Reminds me of my own daughter and son-in-law who met in high school when she was 15 and he,16. They also broke apart, actually right after my daughter graduated high school. She wanted to meat more people. He never stopped wanting to be with her. It took them less than a year to get back together and were married when she was 21 and he 22. Now, they have been married 6 years and have given me two wonderful grandsons….one is now 3 and the second is 7 months. We didn’t have the church decision problem, because, both families are protestant. And, my daughter always wanted an outdoor wedding anyway….Unfortunately, 6 years ago, June, wasn’t the pleasant weather of this last June. It was very, very HOT!!! Still beautiful, with their pastor officiating… She and he are also called Ken and Barbie by friends and family alike. I also thank God for our son-in-law. We love him like our own. Now, praying that God will help our Son find a good woman for his wife! ;)
I didn’t have a boy, but I am betting that when girlfriends come in the mix it is a whole different story! How has that been?
Its really wonderful that your daughter feels so secure and confident in her decision to be a stay at home mom. In today’s society, I think other women can make us feel most lousy about a decision like this; just alot of pressure from working women to be “out there” and be “with it”, moving and shaking so to speak. But I do respect both choices, work and stay at home. The children will really benefit from her full-time love and care for sure. So I say, You go girl!!!!!!!
I stayed at home for 7 years- my girls and I cherish those times!!