A rule such as never date a man who smells too good comes after a lifetime of observations. I found that if a man has no musky odor; that if he showers, buffs and sprays his musk away, he is probably gay. Okay, he is gay. No sense in dating him- he may be in denial, but a non-musky man is stepping over the metro-sexual line and diving straight down to the down low. I have also learned that if a man tells you he is an asshole, he is an asshole. LISTEN to the words and acknowledge them, then RUN away. For three months I allowed my life to be infiltrated by a crazy man- everyone who met him looked at me and said, “Hey, this guy is no good.” Even Ron White called me into the green room at the comedy club and said this, “Kim, I like you; I don’t know why. Listen to me, this guy out there is no good. Shake him loose, he is bad news. Do you see what I am saying is a big deal, me, Ron White, telling you to stay away from a guy? Take my advice, or you may be sorry.”
I was. I was blinded by lies and manipulation. He stole 100 dollars from my daughter. He called my boss when we had a fight. He told me he was receiving money from his father’s estate, a trust fund, and was very wealthy, but every gift he gave me had a price tag. He was stupid- very very stupid. He wrecked my car and damged the frame, then when I went to fix it…oh never mind, he was just a devil. Once when we had an argument he even called his lawyer- or so he said. I since learned this man dated a dental hygienist from my dental office. She lost everything when she took up with him: her job, all of her inheritance, her self-worth. Why?
Women in their middle to late 30′s go a bit nuts sometimes themselves. It may be hormones, it could be the unrealized life they have yet to live; looking ahead to being forty and over the hill. Though Oprah said 50 is the new 30 it’s that because she has a billion dollars. For the middle-class woman, 40 is scary, 50, well, 50 is inevitable. I fell for crazy-weirdo guy because he was 12 years younger and amazing when the lights were out. End of story. No need to elaborate. I had just turned 40 and it felt like I was running the curve in a race, with the next stretch being the end of my world and my beauty, as I knew it. It was.
I was sitting in the air port in Japan. Iliza Sclesinger, Keith Bareny and I were on a comedy tour with Armed Force Entertainment. I had a blast, the shows were good, but 25-year-old Iliza forced me to realize I was not getting the second looks any more. She was. I noticed gentleman after gentleman give her a double-take. Her boobs were really big and she is very attractive. Me? I sat next to her and felt old and ugly. “You’ll be 45 someday Iliza,” I thought to myself. She has done well with her comedy and her boobs and will probably have enough money at 45 to say that 45 is the new 16.
There are studies out there about women in their 30′s, what they think, why they divorce. I have encouraged many young women in their mid 30′s to stay with their marriage- that their unhappiness may pass. I have told them to go on vacations with their girlfriends, take up an adrenaline sport, get a drastic new hairstyle- anything but divorce and end up dating weirdos!! I compare a woman’s 30′s to being a mother. We are constantly questioning if we are doing the right thing for our children, if we are being effective parents and flop to the other side of the mommy mountain and we wonder what we are worth. I stayed at home with my girls for seven years and loved it…in retrospect. In real time it was so hard. I felt like I was not a part of life and that I was missing SOMETHING, but not sure what. I worked hard at being a good mom; the proof is in the women they are today. They are made of some good stuff! After 45, most women are on the other side of their mountain and witness to all of their own resolutions.
I have warned them about the mid-thirty-crazies. If either of them makes a drastic move I will personally tie them down until they are over it. The mid-thrity-crazies creates a fever, and women don’t think too clearly when they have the heat of insecurity and uncertainty coming off their newly wrinkled brows.
I am over that time and thanks to menopause I am coming together nicely with my new hormonal arrangement. Now, I am calmer, I have more clarity; not to see the wrinkles on my face, but in time. Life is now, and I am rooting myself in that. I am no longer running the race, I think I will be happier on the sidelines as a trainer, encouraging my fellow females to keep a good pace and pass by those sweet-smelling men!
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