As a Catholic, I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn’t feel guilty about something. Oh sure, I say I’m a “recovering Catholic,” but anyone who knows anything about Catholicism knows what a contradiction in terms that is. One never actually recovers. The sight of a nun can still cause me a nasty case of hives.
When it comes to the bestowing of guilt and who gets the championship ring, there is a fine line between Catholics and Jews. I can only speak from my experience with the former when I say that sticking a symbol of a brutally murdered dead guy over an impressionable young child’s bed and telling her “He died for your sins” kind of messes with a kid for life.
Then there was that confession thing. It was hard to come up with new material every single week. I mean, what kind of really bad stuff could a little kid do? Still, I knew I was a sinner so the pressure was on and I’d often just make stuff up. Father Timothy eventually became suspicious and gave me 40 Hail Marys for lying to a priest.
There were so many sins to keep track of. Mortal sins, the big guys, which assured you were going to hell, and then a whole host of “venial” sins, which pretty much covered everything else anyone could possibly do. All this was meant to keep one on the straight and narrow path in a world where Satan was waiting around every corner with a cocktail and his recruitment pitch.
A little guilt is not such a bad thing though. Without a sense of guilt one has no conscience and without a conscience one becomes a sociopath like Dick Cheney and the members of Congress who have sold their souls to Wall Street. We might have a much better world, we’d certainly have a better government, had every one of them had their little prepubescent asses enrolled in Catholic school with nuns who could reduce you to a shivering puddle of bodily fluids with one stern look.
While I still talk to God, I no longer go to church or confession. I guess you could say I’ve cut out the middle man. But I do have a strong sense of right and wrong, and firmly believe that karma will kick my ass when that line is crossed. I have empathy for those less fortunate, those challenged with difficulties and struggling in ways that I, who have been so blessed, cannot begin to truly understand. I believe we are all created equal, neither sinners nor saints, and that we are our brother’s keeper.
I believe Jesus was a socialist and if he came back today preaching feeding the poor and healing the sick he’d be ripped to shreds by the same fear machines who are doing their very best to pit us against each other every single day.
So no. A little guilt is not such a bad thing. It provides us with a moral compass and, because we have been given free will, we have the choice of whether or not to follow its direction.
On my death bed, I will ask for a priest to provide Last Rites, the act of absolution or forgiveness for all my sins. What the hell? It couldn’t hurt. And I think Father Timothy would be proud.
other blog entries from »
If you “cut out the middle man” you don’t need a priest.
Ah, yes. I see your point.
Actually, I was hedging my bet.
OMFG, DON’T GET ME STARTED! If I am coherent in the morning, I may come back and post a thoughtful response, but after reading what you said, I now feel the need to wash away my sins AND my guilt with many glasses of wine…12 years of convent school speaking here! Ora pro nobis.
12 years?! My condolences. I managed to shed the dreaded maroon-colored uniform in the third grade. It wreaked havoc with my fashion sense for years.
All I can say it took me having a near death experience to find that I did not need the” Middle man “to get to GOD, I believe some people have to have that can of order in their lives to do “right” or try , some need it for fellowship, some need it for peace of mind that they got their ducks in a row….I found God in me and all around me ,,everywhere in everything I found I just have to look and be still and know ……
Thanks for your post enjoyed your view .
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Fayette. Yes, “Be still and know that I AM.” I’ve long believed that spirituality is of God and religion is of man, but I do understand the comfort such structure brings to some and to each his/her own on such a personal issue.
Yo are welcome and you are so right in that spiritual choices are personal and one size does not fit all… the bottom line for me to everyone i come in contact with is ..the Golden Rule ..if you got that in your life you will probably do just fine in all aspect s of your life.. and never forget to Love thyself so that the love you give to your neighbor …will be true love ,, and what is love ..GOD is love in all languages..it the rules of religion that get us divided by who is right and who is wrong/.
I never did get the whole Catholic bashing thing.
I went from Kindergarten through high school without ever being hit or having my self-esteem mangled in any way, shape or form. I did get myself expelled from our all-girls private h.s., but my father’s heartfelt pleas brought tears to the principal’s eyes and allowed my return the very next day. Excluding the Dean, I was well loved by most of the sisters, even though my friends and I drove a few of them to an early grave. In fact, one poor nun came crying to me one day and said that I was partially responsible for her decision to leave the convent. I felt badly for her, but I still didn’t feel guilty!
Luckily, most of the sisters managed to squeak by without too many cuts and bruises from the likes of myself and other wholesome Catholic girls. Those years were some of the best of my life and I wouldn’t trade my religious upbringing for anything. Although, I know of a few nuns who probably wished I had been a Lutheran!
First of all I love the photo of your doggie. A Chihuahua? I have a Chihuahua named Dixie who is the love of my life.
In all seriousness, I think a good dose of Catholic school would do most people a lot of good. It did give me a certain moral grounding that has served me well in my life — plus I always get compliments on my handwring.
I enjoyed this so much (as a protestant) – at least until I got to the “Jesus was a socialist” part.
I’ve always felt that guilt was a good thing if used correctly. That is, to put it simply, when we feel guity and are: stop what you were doing and don’t do it again! If you felt guity and weren’t: just stop feeling guilty!
I’d like to add that if Jesus came back today he would be feeding the poor and healing the sick, and encouraging each of us to also do so. But, he wouldn’t be a modern day Robin Hood who robs from the rich to give to the poor and taking away our free will and choice to do so.
TL ♥
Hmmmm, this conversation has ended on the last comment quite awhile ago but I am compelled to add my few cents which is about all I have these days.
I think Jayne is very correct in her prediction of Jesus returning as a “socialist”, he would return unchanged and be the icon for the liberal left – giving to the poor, teaching tolerance and love for all. He would lead the crusade for health care reform. Unfortunately FOX news, Rush, Beck would try to crucify him all over again. Greed drives this country and ironically ownership of this is in the laps of the religious right.
Guilt is a dangerous thing amongst children. I was raised via the guilt/shaming/sinning method. I was molested by my grandfather from ages 5 to 12 when I finally just fought him off. I never told my parents, I knew I was the sinner. I have kept this secret from my parents all my life. As an adult I no longer blame myself but my shame is deeply rooted and has afffected every area of my life. I still keep this from my parents since they are old and there is no need to ruin my father’s memory of his father but sometimes I think it may be cathartic and healthy for ME to explain to them what happened but is it ok to be that selfish? Boy, I am way off topic. Let me just say, let’s raise out children without the over-bearing guilt and fear. We can still teach our children right from wrong without it and keep them safe.
Jayne, love your writing.
Thank you, Suzy. I never thought Jesus would come back as a modern day Robin Hood. I meant he would be an advocate for the poor, the ill and the needy — of which there are so many these days. But I do think he’d be attacked by the same people who are doing their best to cut all social programs that lend aid to those in need.
As for guilt, a little bit goes a long way.