I’m a call screener. Sorry for any of you who call me, but it’s true. Don’t be sad, 99% of the time I pick up because who am I kidding, I’m desperate for real time conversation. No, I don’t text… I TALK! FYI, text messages get left unread. My nerves are usually too jangled to push the tiny letters to text back. I tried it on my son’s i-phone and started crying when he stopped me from throwing it out the car window. “Mom, you’ll get it, just be patient,” he said as he grabbed my arm. PATIENT! PATIENT!? My fingers missed every letter I aimed for… My texting career came to an end.
I try as hard as I psychologically can to pick up the phone when my Mom calls. She calls a lot. She’s 91 so there’s always the guilty tug of war with myself when I see her on caller ID. Not again!? I’m tempted to screen but… What if she fell down, fell over, was gasping for breath, drove into a building (true)… But she just called 15 minutes ago about needing a manicure… So, it’s nothing… But what if it’s something… Nah, it’s nothing… But what if? My head is spinning… I’m a Jew, I pick up.
“Gail, Gail!”
Crap, she was really gasping for breath this time. I go into emergency voice mode, “Mom, what? WHAT”?!
“There’s bad news.”
Oy. “What do you mean?”
“I’m at the beauty shop.”
She’s having a heart attack at the beauty shop?
“It’s Liz, she’s leaving… Friday is her last day.”
“Huh?”
“If you need color, make an appointment immediately!”
“Huh?”
“Are your roots grey? Because she’s moving to Tampa.”
I stared at the phone in my shaking hand and vowed to screen more carefully.
“Bye, Mom.”
Nerves shattered I burst into tears. Call me if you know a good colorist, I promise to pick up.
other blog entries from »
The Torah: Honor thy Father and thy Mother
The Talmud: Parents, do not provoke thy children
Yep, those sages Knew what was comin’ down the line.
Amen. And don’t tell my mom you know where I am.
haha! This hits home….since my Dad died 15 years ago, my Mom has needed me more and more….Thank God that through prayer I have changed from resenting her needs to feeling blessed that I still have time with her….But, I have felt what you have portrayed here….Every time the phone rings and I see it is her….I used to roll my eyes and complain…it was always a problem, (in her eyes), or maybe a real problem that I am glad that she called about…(because, if she falls, or burns herself, she won’t tell me!)…I told her , that I know that since Dad died , that she feels she has no one that she can just discuss her fears, problems etc. with…but…I would love if sometimes she would call just to talk, and laugh. I love making her laugh. So, now that we see each other at least three times a week….as I take her to work out ( so she can stand tall, and visit with her friends) to every store in the area,(so that she can use the many coupons she has cut out) to get her hearing aid fixed, and her glasses adjusted….I am beginning to really enjoy these times together…and I miss her more when I don’t see her. And we hug each other often, she feeds me chocolate, even though she wants me to diet….and I make her laugh….=]
Gramma, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your Mom. If you’d like a Mother to call and chat about nothing I will have mine call you. The problem is my Mom knows NO boundaries, she’s in every one’s business and trying to control everything around her. This is very disconcerting because we are all grown up and have limits and she doesn’t. When I get her away from my really depressing father we do better. It is very complicated. She is also a “wolf cryer” which makes it more difficult to separate the real concerns from pseudo issues. But I must say she is fun to write about because she is such a characterure of herself.
Your response gives me hope! Thanks for responding.
Thanks, I have found that what really helps me, is to realize the things I need to change in responding to her….not what she needs to change, cause , that will never happen! HA! I used to feel a lot of guilt, and in turn, that would make me angry….Now , I give her what I can, and I think she is learning to appreciate it…. I have now become the “favorite” daughter though, something I don’t really want to be,…it brings more phone calls! But, I do love it when she says she wishes Dad was here to see what good friends we are now….I just smile and say, “me too” =]
It’s really sweet that she says that to you. It sounds like you found a way to make it a good relationship. Perhaps there’s hope after all!