I have reached a TV watching nadir. It finally happened, I achieved watching the lowest form of programming to date. Ironically it feels like a “personal best.” This has nothing to do with my life long addiction to “All My Children,” which btw is highbrow by comparison. And as a quick aside, I desperately need to know the name of Susan Lucci’s plastic surgeon. Surprisingly my TV nadir isn’t “The Housewives of Orange County” either. I was lulled into thinking those whacked out women were the epitome of broadcasting hell but they’re not. I watched five consecutive episodes last week because apparently I have no life. I hung on through Lynn’s face lift and her daughter’s nose job and reeled with nausea. Do not watch the Housewives after you’ve eaten . I sat wide-eyed as they pranced around Orange County nearly naked in their colorful “tribal” clothes. I wondered why they weren’t on the “travel channel” or featured in “National Geographic?”
Yet alas, the Housewives have been surpassed in shallowness by “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” I have to ask, why, why, why this is a program? More importantly,why was I watching? I sat through four episodes which amounted to witnessing 16 dates. I concluded that the men were in search of giant breasts and the women a VISA card with no limit. Patti, who runs this millionaire match making service is a dominatrix type who tries to keep the wild men breast hunters from behaving like reptiles and the women from having sex with them on the first date. Patti gets crazed and verbally lacerates the kids when they don’t follow dating protocol. I think she whips them off screen. I looked longingly at the New York Times Book Review which sat only inches away from me, yet kept watching. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, Patti made me realize I don’t have the giant breasts it takes to get a millionaire, although I am good at following directions which would make her happy.
I put the clicker down, picked up the book review and felt oddly proud of achieving a TV low.
other blog entries from »
Sadly I have also reach my own personal low point while on a day off from work of watching an entire days worth of HGTV….and I’m not talkin’ a couple of hours either, maybe like 10….really, I’m starting to think Mike Holmes looks kinda cute…..I do, however, think I am qualified to show homes now….I think all the cold weather and blizzards has caused me to numb my mind as well as my toes….
Well I have it all over you and your 10 hours as I’m in perfectly lovely weather and still watching crapola. What is HGTV? Maybe I’d like Mike also?
Home and Garden Television….House Hunters, Designed to Sell, Property Virgins, and Mike Holmes is on Holmes on Homes, he takes construction nightmares (i.e. disreputable contractors) and fixes all their mistakes…just a high testosterone guy…Hey,.I may have opened a whole new world for you!!
Is Mike young and high testosterone or an old guy with blue pill testosterone?
How much are the virgins?
Definitely not young, but not old either….42is maybe….I wouldn’t think he needs the blue pill yet…and if he did he would never admit it!! HA
I watched that matchmaking show. One date the millionare actually thought it would be a good date to take the girl to collect junk. She was all decked out for a nice evening, and he shows up in a garbage truck. Why did she stay, I kept yelling at the tv. Tell him where to shove that truck and his date. Only reason I could see cause he was a millionare, and she was on tv. I was sick with the flu when I was watching this, it made me depressed, and I turned the tv off, and listened to classical music stead. Young women need to be shaken, if he pulls up in a garbage truck for a date, walk away.
I think I saw that episode in my “millionaire” marathon. I would never have gone out in a garbage truck…..not for a paltry million….it would take 50.
I spent an entire day watching NCIS episodes when I was a little bit under the weather but not sick enough to warrant such sloth.
You are not alone.
I think we all have our secret TV lives!
Ok, so here’s another TV watching question/thought……when I am watching say a hockey game on TV (I am a passionate fan of the Buffalo Sabres) I yell at the TV….why do I do this…..I yell at the refs, the coach, the players…..guess its time to go to a real game…..or when I watch Dr. Phil and he has someone annoying on, I talk back to them too….hmmmm….probably just cabin fever setting in…
I do the same thing. I also yell at the political pundits on tv and call them a “freaking idiot.” You have to yell during sports events, it makes watching much more fun. You don’t need to go to the game, tickets are expensive. As for Dr. Phil, I suggest turning off the tv and waiting for a sporting event. Who can talk to those crazy people?
Right there — hey the Olympics are right around the corner, we can do international yelling…
Oh Lord, two weeks of non-stop TV! Wowie zowie, let the games begin.
Well, I won’t pay for cable or fios. The converter box went up. I now have a 32-inch HDTV. So I am getting some channel signal now; I am able to watch The View (Barbara Walters and the girls). So, back on course, I know all the commercials. I probably need to purchase a HDMI electronic piece to negotiate all the HDTV feature possibilities. However, on Thurday I rented a 2009 Chevy HHR and WOW! Did I wake up? I trveled to some other states. I tried to beat the snow we are anticipating here on the east coast. I still have the vehicle. I want to travel to a couple of other states; I need to watch Dobler Rader weather (WMAR), if I can get a signal, so I see which direction to go… Thank you for your post. I enjoyed it!
Helen.
Isn’t the HHR fun to drive?? I rented one on a recent trip…good idea to get away but that storm is relentless….have fun on trip…
What is an HHR?
A Chevy product….kind of a crossover SUV type but I don’t think four wheel drive.
Yes! You are right on both comments. HHR is exciting to drive; it is a show stopper. However, it does not have any weight to it. I was crossing over the Susquehanna via the Millard Tyding bridge and I felt that the car would turn over. Yes. Now the snow is here in Owings Mills (Maryland) with a rental that is covered over with snow.
I don’t talk to the tv. Nor do I enjoy reality tv but I am hooked on weekly dramas and mysteries etc. I can predictor the stories and outcomes before they start but there I sit nightly watching each one and when the reruns appear, I sit through them as if I had never seen them. What is wrong with this picture? No LIfe No friends NO Action How Sad Single life sucks when you get older.
Then I read until 3 AM – So don’t worry Rockin Robin, my mind is still working – I read about 2-3 books a month – big ones – classics and biographies and novels that have won pulizers and other awards so I am not wasting my mind or my time totally. Then I get up and go to work for 7 hours a day from 1 to 9 PM and back to the TV again. Great life. Who wouldn’t want it.
My dog and cat love it. They get all of me except for when I work. I talk to them. Great life if you can get it. Back to the tv…
Well if it makes you feel any better I have watched every episode of “Sex and the City” in re-run form 100 times and the same with “Fraser” and “Will and Grace.” So in my book, there is nothing wrong with you. I am also a 35 year “All My Children” junkie. I like aging with Erica Kane, although she has had some really good facial work which I haven’t….so I’ve aged and she hasn’t which bums me out. I talk to my beefy lab quite a bit, he’s very good company but short on conversation.
Do you think Erica got skinnier as she aged….I didn’t think it was possible….I may even have to say she looks gaunt.
Never thought of her as gaunt but I’m obsessed with looking at her facial work and hair color.
Girls, girls, Erica died years ago. Her understudy, a body image look alike, was written in, given a near fatal facial tic and had to undergo the first entire skin and facial transplant. A doctor, who spent two decades on the tundra, heard of her malady and excitedly traveled to her with his secret discovery derived from muktuk, a native delicacy. The entire transplant took 46 hours and was touch and go for five episodes. She survived and her rewards for being the first human to undergo this type of surgery far surpass the obvious. She knows there are millions of women, like ourselves, who count on her beauty, her ageless perfection to give us a reason to wonder, to forge ahead bravely and to…blog about it. zsa zsa
Well get me the name of that tundra guy and some muktuk appetizers. “I want what she’s having.” Erica lives Zsa Zsa!
I watch news.
The Weather Channel rocks. Stay ahead of the snow!
My TV addictions: 24, Damages, Burn Notice, White Collar, Caprica, Sanctuary, Vampire Diaries, Leverage, Mad Men, Masterpiece Theater, New Tricks……..I do watch too much, but find what I consider to be well-written and clever relaxing.
I’m with you on 24! I love it, but not certain about this season. Where’s Tony??? Is he still on the dark side? I also watch “Brothers and Sisters” and “Desperate Housewives”…..I like the soap opera effect. I’ve heard “Damages” is good.
We probably all watch too much TV.
I do not have cable. I may get it one day when I become tired of the limited option that TV has come to be. I am a reader too. I have enjoyed your post. Enjoy your day!
Helen.
Actually, TV sucks these days. Very few good shows on and when you do find one you like, they have made very few episodes, switch to different times and days so no one knows when they are on, or show repeats constantly. I don’t know how they get away with this stuff. Watching TV is mostly watching commercials anyway.
Apparently tivo is the answer; takes the commercials out of tv….but then you have to pay for it and know how to operate it. I’m a dummy when it comes to the operating manual. I agree the re-runs are totally annoying and sometimes I run home to watch a show like “Gray’s Anatomy” and it’s a repeat!!! This pisses me off.
Go TIVO — (I know how to work it!!)
You’re a genius!
Facing another “quiet” night (read a little bit bored), having just finished one book and not ready for another, not wanting to spend all my time working (though there’s always word to do) and just hating the idea of aimlessly sitting in front of the TV…I found a solution. I just started crocheting a blanket for the Linus Project – blankets for babies in intensive care. Now I can watch Ugly Betty and all kinds of junk and still feel useful, creative, productive. Besides, I’ve always found crocheting/hand work very relaxing but really how many afghans, scarves, etc do I need or want?
That sounds like a great plan. I used to attempt knitting and crocheting but not very good at it. The best I could do was a scarf and hopefully not drop too many stiches. But yes, this very nice gesture gives you complete license to watch whatever you want no matter how mindless or trashy.
And you don’t have to do anything fancy – a baby blanket is only a big scarf (actually it can be easier because there are fewer turns, which is my big bugaboo when I’m crocheting) Besides – learning new things is good for our aging brains.
Oh like teaching our “old dog” brains new tricks! I like your idea.
Yup. You know that its good for your brain to do things, like brush your teeth, your non dominant hand? Or try opening a jar, using the can opener, etc with that less coordinated hand. Its really a hoot, but helps build new neuro- pathways.