Shaken not deterred!

My friend Rick needs help. He isn’t stressed out like me about the real meaning of Twitter, cryptic messages on his Facebook wall, or whether or not texting brings happiness… No, no, no, poor Rick has fear of restaurants. (I love restaurants; it means I’m not cooking.) He is terrified of being seated.

This is a phobia about which I know nothing nor have I done any reading; it’s new and it’s true. Apparently the sign “Please Wait to be Seated” strikes fear in his heart. Whoa Rick, get a grip babe, it’s just a sign. “And put the Valium away, it will spoil your appetite.” I’ve dined with him, and have seen how shaken he gets being lead to a table. He turns a grayish white and gets a little sweaty across the eyebrow area. Quick Towelettes!

“The table for two we’re headed for is really a table for six because the couples on either side of us are six inches away. Why don’t we just ask for a red checkered tablecloth and call it a friggin’ picnic?” Rick’s testy! I totally agree with him but wish he’d stop sweating.

“And look our neighbors hate us… I can see it in their eyes.” On second thought , maybe it was time for the Valium!

I hate being squished next to strangers cramped against a wall also, especially when the rest of the dining area is EMPTY! This pisses me off… Who are these people resting their elbows on my table?! Oh God, what if they’re Republicans or watch Judge Judy?! I’m moments away from hearing about their son’s soccer game. I rip the Valium away from Rick… “Don’t hog the drugs.”

Unlike Rick, I have no fear of maitre d’s. Oh they can be huffy, but I’m a Jewish Princess, I’ve been trained for just this type of dining warfare.

“Excuse me, but we need a different table,” I insisted. “How about the booth over on the other side of the room?” I glared… He glared. Rick was that grayish white color. “Of course ma’am.”

Yes! Truimphantly we walk to our neighbor free table. Rick’s still shaken and I’m still wondering if texting brings happiness.

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