I have developed very small gills behind each ear and every day my skin gets increasingly scaly. I think I’m de-evolving in order to survive. Thanks Mother Nature for turning me into a fish to weather the Chicago weather. I’m not looking forward to fins but at this point, what the hell. I might look better as an amphibian than I look with my puffy frizzy hair from the rain and humidity. Every day it’s the same from my mortal enemy the weatherman–”Rain tomorrow morning . Rain into the evening and overnight. Rain again the next morning into the afternoon. A thunderstorm at night and possibly the next morning. It’s going to be wet out there,” he says with a big old grin on his face. I resist the urge to throw my pasta primavera at the TV because it is tastier than fish food.
I used to only hate him in winter. He is really at his best then. “A storm is coming, run, hide, don’t go to the airport, stay off the roads, buy a sled and 8 barking Huskies. It’s going to snow for the next 112 hours; people could be buried alive if they don’t have emergency kits in their car. (my emergency kit has a hair dryer and lipstick). It’s big, it’s white, it’s coming to your neighborhood!” I burst into tears before I ate an entire bag of Oreos for comfort. Does this man have friends?
I should have been a Meteorologist. I’m a drama queen with a touch of the morbid. How hard could it be for pity’s sake? I’d be a little more direct with the viewing audience however. Why sugar coat the forecast by smiling. “The weather today will suck. If you have frizzy or curly hair stay home or wear a hat as the humidity will be 95%. You probably won’t look good again until the weekend. If you have a comb over I’d suggest staying home also as the winds are going to be gusty and it could be embarrassing. Just remember folks I’ll look as bad as the rest of you so I feel your pain.” Isn’t that a lot better? No smiling or ridiculous atmospheric charts with wavy lines.
It’s dreary, dreary, dreary again today. I need anxiety medication and a long sleeve shirt to cover the scales. My hair has taken on a giant life of it’s own and has become resistant to all forms of calming shampoo. I wonder if super glue can double as conditioner? Like I said in my forecast, I probably won’t look good again until the weekend.
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I hear you! I’m not far from Chicago and yet again, a muggy, rainy, foggy, crummy day….for June 15. What’s the deal? Those of us in the midwest deserve a half way decent summer after surviving wretched winters.
I totally feel your pain. It isn’t as if we don’t suffer 6 months of the year during wind, cold and snow! Stop the rain!
Welll, you could think of yourself as a mermaid instead of a fish… a mermaid weathergirl…would that help?? You would be my kind of weather girl…..I love an honest forecast……and your get to the point attitude would save a lot of sitting around waiting for the bad news…..as long as you can do it without a car ad inbetween….
And it seems with the more technology and advances the more inaccurate they are…..what’s with that?
they’re all morons. there is a weatherman here whose forecast is so laborious and complicated it’s not understandable and you have no idea what the weather will be. I was incredulous at all his high tech charts and still didn’t know what he said. it was all show. The P.T. Barnum of weather!
nope no ads. i’d be quick and truthful – no sugar coating in my forecast. i could be the weather mermaid however. I now have the scales and fins for the job!
My very favorite weatherman of all time was the one I watched as a child from one of the local New York City Stations. He would draw little cartoons of people in different weather-related gear to demonstrate what the weather was going to be. His most famous broadcast, however, had nothing to do with cartoons. It was New Year’s Eve and he was plastered! It was the funniest weather report I think I ever saw. Basically, he said it was gonna be really cold and suggested that everyone in Times Square waiting for the ball to come down should just snuggle up together. His cartoon character that night had a big smile on his face. I say, if you can’t make the weather fun, what’s the point?
I agree, fun and SIMPLE. Or funny and simple. Or break it down into hair days: “bad, fair but some expect some frizz, good, excellent.”