Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear me, happy birthday to me. Crap.
Celebrating my birthday in the emergency room sucked. A big fat hairy blond put me there. She was just a little too anxious to eat. “Hold on there fattie, you’re gonna get food.” If only I had a chance to say that. “Let me just step out of your way.” Didn’t have a chance to say or do that either. POW, right into the wall she shoved me, head first. And how did I go from standing to kneeling with my forehead smashed into the side of the barn so damn fast. Yep, Ginger the evil fat mare nailed me. She sure was anxious to beat me and her pasture mate to the feed tub. No birthday cake for her. I leaped to my feet just be sure I could. Well that was the good news, although walking a straight line would have been a challenge. Crying was a good option right after I stopped swearing. Luckily I had my cell phone handy and could make out the numbers. Ambulance? Friend? Ambulance? Friend? Or should I just sit down under a tree and sob? Ambulance seemed so serious and even though I felt my injury was just that I was trying to avoid reality.
“Dan, come quick, the fat mare got me.” With ice packs on my neck and head we hightailed it to the emergency room. Trust me, this was not a “destination” birthday. I did however thank everyone in the ER for celebrating with me and it was a good gag until the nurse in the CAT scan room spoke the real truth “this really sucks.” Yes siree it sure did. The ER doc couldn’t have been nicer or cuter, but too young for this birthday girl. The neck brace was a necessary touch but a bad bad fashion accessory. Dan and I watched the pathetic Bears game on the very nice flat screen TV they had in the ER cubicle. I highly recommend this hospital. As much as I enjoyed the accommodations I was a wreck waiting for the results of the CAT scan. Dan, ever the optimist was optimistic. I’m cursed with the “oy” gene and was nervous and sweaty. Some party. In what seemed like 15 hours but in fact was 45 minutes the nurse came in took off the cervical collar and gave me my birthday news, no concussion, and no neck fracture. I loved her. The doctor came and said good-bye. He was so cute, but I felt so old.
Under the circumstances my birthday had a happy ending. Oh except for the multi-colored eye which magically appeared two days later and is still with me. My predominately black wardrobe sets it off nicely however and my bangs cover the lump on my forehead. I accept late presents/cards for up to a year.
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p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
You are hilarious! What great writing skills you have!
Just want you to know that I’m happy to hear you weren’t injured more severely.
Oh. . . . .and. . .aahhh, where do I send your birthday helmet?
I have a helmet!!!! And always always wear it when i ride, just not when i feed the horses. Although they are almost more dangerous on the ground than on their backs!
Love this!! My greedy gelding shoved me into the metal cross ties and wouldn’t move. His big butt pushed me up against the bars and he wouldn’t budge. After some effort I was able to push him off me and I brought my knee up and got him in the side of his fat gut. We had a little fight! He pushed, I kicked. Final result, I had a wrenched back with extreme bruising, I looked like a car had run over my back. Tell me how sick this is: I was sort of proud of the injuries. I wore those bruises like a badge of honor. I went to my chiropractor for 6 weeks, 3 times each week following the incident and I felt tough! My gelding and I have been working on his manners with a crop. So, I love your spirit and I love your humor. I relate. I am not going to stop playing with my horses, I am not going to be told my body is too old to heal, I am not going down without a fight. As for “Fattie Mare,” she may have won this round, I bet she won’t win another one! Horse women are strong. We don’t stop riding, feeding, grooming, tacking or fighting due to injury. Admit it, love, you were back out with Fattie the next day, you were just a little more aware of her manners! Love your blogs! You always make me laugh!
Well I’ll be honest I was not out there the next day except to throw out hay. The one who got me has now injured me three times and all three times I was trying to help her. My favorite is my sweet Mousie Mouse who is the lowest one on the mare totem pole. She is pretty much a angel and very attached to me. But these are my boyfriends horses and I’m moving out. My own horse doesn’t live on this property as I was showing him and like to jump, these girls are just trail horses. Although my boy ran me over once SO I AM VERY VERY CAREFUL on the ground….it’s ironic that little miss bitch got me. I am a little worried about the girls after I leave as I groom them and keep them nice and fat…they will suffer from lack of my care I fear. But I’ve had many horse injuries and like you keep riding, grooming etc. Broken bones, minor head injuries haven’t kept me off. My face isn’t the badge of honor your back was it makes me sad because I can’t get my hardhat on yet to go ride….forehead still too swollen. It was kinda hard to make this story funny but I tried. I agree horse women ARE THE BEST. They rock!