Vibrant Nation

By mistake I glanced in the hall mirror on my way downstairs. I think I briefly lost consciousness before letting out a small shriek. I surprised me. Whoa, who was that? I backed up and took a closer look. I needed emergency lipstick, eye liner, and rouge or it actually wasn't me but my mother. I quickly decided to try another mirror and ran to the bathroom . Cannily and to save myself from personal ruin at 10:15 a.m. I only turned on one of the three light switches. So much better, although I was squinting. Squinting definitely improved my skin tone and I decided not to call my therapist. Truthfully, it is a shock to "catch" myself in the mirror these days. Where did the prom girl version disappear?

I was whining to my girlfriend Jane about my mirror experience. "Oh honey, just do what I do, look at one very small part of your face at a time." I still wasn't comforted. "Do men our age feel this way? Do they ever think they look like crap?" "Lord no, they have "magic" mirrors. No matter how old, gray and wrinkled, they don't see it." "I want a magic mirror too," I sobbed. "Sorry sweetie we don't get to have them. I gotta run, but like I said, one tiny part at a time." She was right, men have "magic" mirrors. I met a short fat balding 65 year old in an over sized Nike t-shirt and jeans that skimmed the top of his ankles who spent an evening telling me he only liked to date women in their fifties. Has he looked in the mirror lately? Or the guy next to me at the bar at Sullivan's with the smile on his face and 5 strands of hair combed over the top of his head. He definitely has a "magic" mirror. I can't forget 64 yr. old Alan, a never been married retired lawyer with a hair piece dyed "burnt umber", (my least favorite color in the Crayola box), who proceeded to declare he always has sex with a woman by the third date or "good-bye." He must never look in the mirror, and should definitely get a new colorist as well as therapist.

I decided I urgently needed a "magic" mirror too and searched the Yellow Pages for a dealer in my area. Unfortunately, the closest I got was a magician who could pull a rabbit out of a hat but not the prom girl out of me.

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