If you’re single with shingles, high blood pressure, arthritis or some other aging-related health issue, your chances don’t look too good when it comes to finding romance. That’s because a survey conducted by the online dating site OurTime.com has revealed 66 percent of singles over the age of 55 say they would not date someone with health problems.
That would surely rule me out of the dating pool since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at the age of 49. Fortunately, my husband chose not to make it an issue since he married me the following year.
But never fear, if you don’t look all that hot with your aging face and body that’s OK because, according to the same survey, 68 percent of adults age 55 and older say they would be willing to date someone they felt was less attractive.
Other key points of the survey:
Some 70 percent of men and 59 percent of women say they are willing to date people of other religions.
65 percent of people 55 or older said dating more than one person at the same time was fine.
60 percent said they would date someone outside party lines.
46 percent of adults 55+ said they were open to dating someone of a different race.
So what do you think of this survey? Would you date a man with health problems?
Please do not ignore your gut! It is telling you something and you don't want to listen. It's yelling loud and clear. There are red flags here. Please listen!
Greetings, Arden,
Thanks for the interesting questions. Wow--it WOULD take a book to answer them all! When I got to the last sentence, I laughed out loud, cause--guess what--there IS a book, and of course we'd be delighted for you to buy it. It is 
... Can I hear an AMEN in the VN house ? (:
DON'T give up...Never..and you'd be surprise how life works...a gift of love can come from just anywhere and when you least expect.in the meantime HONOR yourself because you are indeed the BEST friend and support to yourself.I worked very hard on rel
If he had a sense of humor, was kind and giving, you bet I would. Of course I am describing the love of my life I have been married to for 40 years.
Janice,
Congratulations on being married for 40 years! That’s quite an accomplishment. Most people, these days, don’t make it to 10 or 20. Although I don’t know the breakdown, I am curious if the majority of people who said they wouldn’t marry someone with health problems were male or female. That tells you something. Thanks for commenting.
At 67, I’m very healthy. I found my guy but it hasn’t been too long since I was trying to decide what was important in a relationship for the last stage of my life. Know yourself. The criteria is different at this age. Maybe ‘handsome’ isn’t so important. Maybe a guy with E.D. is okay now. Maybe if he is kind and loving, you can overlook his lack of education. Hate the saying but ‘look outside the box’. If being physically active is important or part of your life, you have to at least consider how to mesh your life with someone who may have physical limitations. You will resent it if he holds you back.
I was face with that subject a few days ago…. I sound selfish but I thought “do you want a be in a same situation … My late husband was sick and I was always weary for his healt. He gave our family everything possible. Now that he pass away, some of our friends introduce me some nice man, I notice a gentlemen and when I learn that he had a hearth condition I could not go further. I knew to much especially he was going at the same institution . For him, he felt secure with me !! But I am thinking about me now and my sons. Am selfish .
Sylviem,
I don’t know if you would call that “selfish.” If you know up front, I believe you have the right to decide if you want to be in the relationship but at least he was trying to be honest at the start. If he hides it from you and you find out later, that would be AWFUL!
It all depends upon his attitude..if he’s proactively dealing with health issues etc. generally takes care of himself, and isn’t a whiner. Most everyone has health issues sooner or later. But be true to yourself. You know how much you can handle care wise and how much you are willing and able to invest in the relationship. Best of luck.
judekazooty,
I agree—your attitude will dictate your road to better health. If his attitude if “Woe is me” and he lives in a pity pool, I wouldn’t want to be around him because that’s probably how he is about most things when trouble comes.
I’ve thought about that question quite a bit. I’m 60, single (divorced) and in good health. I had my first child when I was 17 and my last when I was 37. I’ve taken care of ‘people’ all my life until the past few years. I also took my turn taking care of my parents when they were at the end of their lives. It may sound selfish, but I’m not ready to take care of someone with major health issues now. It would be different if he developed health problems after we were in a committed relationship. If I were already in love with that person, of course I would gladly stick with them and take care of them. To start a new relationship with someone who would likely require a lot of medical care and require me to be a home health caretaker, I just don’t think I would want that.
My best friend recently started seeing a man with quite a few health issues. He has heart problems, he had major back surgery a year ago and is still not able to return to work, he had a small stroke a few weeks after they began seeing each other and he has E.D. (to name a few of his health problems) I finally got up the courage to ask her if she was bothered by the fact that he had some serious health problems. She said it really wasn’t much of an issue for her.
I commend her magnanimous attitude and it makes me feel like I’m not a very good person, but I can’t do something that would make me unhappy or even worse, resentful. I think one of the big differences between her and me is that she wants to be married or in a committed relationship so much that she’s willing to settle for someone who comes with a warehouse full of baggage just so she doesn’t have to be alone (along with his health problems, he has 3 ex wives and is in the process of tying up the ends on a very nasty divorce). I can’t do that. I’d rather be alone than be with someone I’ve settled for. Does that make me selfish? Maybe, but that’s they way I feel.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE what you wrote! I have a friend who was so anxious to get married that she “settled” for less than (in my opinion). They weren’t even married a year before they decided to separate and are now divorced. Both had been married before. He was a nice guy and all, with no health issues that I knew of but he had two much baggage with the ex and the children. He still maintained a very friendly relationship with the ex, which had me questioning why they got divorced.
By the way, In NC you have to be separated a year before your divorce is finalized.
I would write a response but Scribegirl said it all for me. In my 55+ community the women are careful about this situation when approached for romance. As in, he’s looking for a “nurse with a purse.” I’m the one who probably would need the nurse, though; I don’t know what I’d do if I were single at this age.
I think the hesitance to date someone with health problems comes from the concern you would end up being a nurse to them and/or sharing the financial burden that can come with health problems.
Who wants to meet someone, fall in love and then have them die on you a few years later? Of course if they are rich and will leave all their money to you …
Seriously, as scribegirl says, we have our parents to deal with and often children still on our hands. The last thing we need to add to the mix is an ailing beau!
And let’s not kid ourselves, we are the same at 20. Genetically we all look for healthy mates.
A dear friend of mine who lost her husband several years ago responded, when she was asked would she date and marry again, that at her age all men wanted was either a purse or a nurse! Made me laugh as she is a very vibrant 66 year old and she does have a lot of money.
Hubby’s sister nursed her husband for several years with multiple myloma before she finally passed. She says she will never marry again as she cannot go through it all again.
I think you have to honest with yourself. My old guy has had some health issues in the last few years and I am here for the whole shot BUT I would not marry someone with serious health issues if he was gone. Don’t think it makes me an inferior person. just that I have been there, done that and am not looking forward to doing it again.
“nurse or purse” … love it!
“a purse or a nurse” LOL! The general consensus is that most here would NOT date someone with serious health issues so that may make for slim pickins’ unless you’re looking to date someone half your age who is still vibrant and healthy. What do you think?
I don’t suppose any of us are talking about problems like high cholesterol or high blood pressure which are common – more life threatening and/or debilitating health issues.
That said our pickings will get slimmer and slimmer as we age and I guess our views will also change. I mean no-one in a nursing home/senior’s community with help on hand is going to knock back a last fling at 80 or 90.
I don’t think the “half your age” math is quite right. But certainly looking at men 10-15 years younger is no big deal and really has nothing to do with health issues. Someone who is 40 can have health issue too.
A bad cough, travels a LOT, and has $$$ , maybe. Only that criteria, and add a sense of humor — thank goodness, I think those men are all taken. No contest.
Maybe it depends on your lifestyle. When you’ve worked all your life and now want to step out into the world in your 60′s & 70″s, you may not be happy at home with a husband and dog, hosting holidays surrounded by family. Sometimes, you can work it out…I know wives who travel without their husbands for weeks at a time because they don’t want or can’t go. I personally want to share these things, at least some of them. It’s different if a life long companion becomes ill, but when you are starting all over again, time for tough choices.