All of my life I have strived to distance myself of the label of ”Predictably Unreliable”. I am not “Predictably Unreliable” but am considered to be because of my close association with family and friends who are. I work hard to be on time and prepared for what is required of me.
As the oldest of six children I was exposed to the weekly humiliation of my Dad and Mom taking us late to church each Sunday and having Dad parade the entire family up the center aisle in church to one of the front pews because everyone knows that children will behave better in church in the front row even if they are late. Each week I was hopeful that just once we could get out of the house just ten minutes earlier so it wouldn’t be the same as last week. Finally when I reached the age 16 and had a job I could go to church on my own, and on time because my work schedule didn’t often work with the regular time my parents took us to church.
My Dad often did not begin getting ready to go somewhere until it was time to be there. His reasoning was if you are going somewhere for fun why get stressed out getting ready to get there. My take on the situation is that if you want to show someone you value their time and efforts in preparation you should arrive on time. When I invite my family over I always tell them at what time we will sit down to eat and rarely have them bring any part of the meal that may be required because I never know when they will arrive or what they will bring. We start without them if they are not on time or haven’t called. Some may consider this rude but we have waited hours for family members who come late or don’t call to say they have changed their plans and are not coming.
I’m married with kids of my own and I have had the same struggle in our home with getting my family out of the house on time. My husband does the same as my Dad, starts getting ready to go somewhere when we should be leaving to be somewhere. His reasoning is that he has so little down time that he doesn’t want to be rushed. He said that the reason he is the way he is was because his mother always set the clocks ahead in their house so they would be on time. Her plan didn’t work. I have left family at home so I can be on time. I make it known what time I am leaving and if anyone is going with me they need to be ready to go at that time.
This morning I picked up a friend to take to the airport. We planned to arrive at the airport the required two hours early. She was well prepared. She had already checked her bag online and printed her boarding pass. I arrived ten minutes earlier than I said I would and we left. We had plenty of time to drive the 2 1/2 hours to the airport even with road construction on the way and still arrived 10 minutes before our planned arrival time. We arrived stress free and on time and managed to find time to stop for a bagel and coffee on the way there. I love being thought of as reliable and trustworthy when asked to complete a task.
Yesterday before I left work I called my brother to tell him that I would be dropping a friend off at the airport. I asked would it be alright if I brought the aquarium down to him that he said he wanted and drop it off at his apartment since it was only 15 minutes from the airport. He said “Sure”, and gave me directions and his address since I had never been to his apartment before. I said that I would be there at 10:00 this morning. I dropped my friend off at the airport and proceeded to my brother’s apartment. I arrived at 9:50 and buzzed his apartment. No answer. I called on my cellphone. Straight to voicemail, so I left a message that I was downstairs waiting for him to buzz me in. I texted him, thinking maybe he would respond to that. No such luck. Then I called my Mom to see if she had his girlfriend’s number. Nope.
While I was waiting my husband called to see if I had made the trip okay to the airport and asked where I was right now. I said that I was outside my brother’s apartment deciding what to do with the aquarium. I didn’t want to bring it back home with me, it was a 40 gallon aquarium. I decided to bring it across town to my other brother’s home and leave it there for him to pick it up. On my way over there my brother called to say that he wasn’t at his apartment. He was at his studio where he works. He said that he worked late last evening and fell asleep in his chair and never went home.
My husband told me I shouldn’t be upset because my brother acted in his usual manner, “Predictably Unreliable!”
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
yeap… those are family member that you may or may not have to put up with. What about DOCTORS? You are paying money to them and have to wait because they double book. When i moved to Florida i said… hell no! I decided to join Cleveland Clinic. In/out in 1/2 hour. If you need to have a blood test go down the stairs to your left, a mammo, go to your right. So easy. My friend goes to a OBYN and waits for HOURS… and she has been doing this for years. I finally asked her… why? She says ” i have been with him for years”. Well, dear so what? I am reliable since i am a salesperson i better be. But i find it really rude for a doctor to make a patient wait for more than 30 mins. I will take it the first time, the second time i am not there. I will find a new one pronto.
So far I haven’t had the experience you have had in waiting for doctors but we are from a very small town(pop. 400) and the local clinic is in a nearby town of 5000. I’ve been with the same doctor for 27 years and only once did I have to wait for more than a half hour and it was when he was delivering a baby. They came and told me the reason for the delay and gave me the option to reschedule, wait or see another doctor. I chose to wait because it is a 30 minute drive to the clinic for me. I’m sure that it is different in larger towns.
I did have to wait with my husband in an ER in Washington DC for three hours one evening until they could treat him for an infected knee. There were many others with higher priority injuries than ours.
I am always early or on time. Was raised that way. You do not keep people waiting, it’s rude. I’m better than I used to be. I used to always be so darn early I’d have to drive around or sit in the car and wait. I always would plan for being stopped by a train, other traffic issues. Most of the time I never crossed a train track! I have an internal clock that keeps me one step ahead and always early or on time. I consider on time to be from 5 minutes before to right on time. People that keep others waiting make me crazy. I understand things happen once in awhile, but chronic latecomers I have no sympathy for. Why are they so special that others are put out by their tardiness? I know not every situation makes others be put upon, but I’m just woven of a tight fabric!
I think being late says to the other person whether you mean it or not that they are not as important as you are. That you place a higher value on yourself and what you are doing than them. I understand things can happen but as you say “chronic latecomers” there is no excuse. It is a lack of planning and organization. If you know that you are chronically 15 minutes late then start getting ready at least 15 minutes earlier than what you have been doing. The stress factor goes way down if you don’t have people waiting for you.
My sister is always late to everything. ALWAYS. And yes, it most definitely is a psychological problem with her. She could start getting ready an HOUR earlier than she needs to, and she’d still be at least 30 minutes late. I agree that whether she realizes it or not, she’s saying her life and she herself are far more important than anyone else.
Actually, I used to have a hard time getting places on time, mostly because trying to style my hair would take forever. Then I let it grow out a lot longer, and now the “styling” part takes about 5 minutes. So now I’m always ready to leave about 15 minutes early to exactly on time – which is a huge relief, because running late IS very stressful.
I try to never get anywhere early, though, unless it’s for something like a doctor appointment. Because I know when I’m hosting anything, I *HATE* it when people are early. It’s a running joke in my family with my sister, my sisters-in-law, and all my nieces that when we BY GOD say to arrive at 4:00, we don’t mean arrive at 3:30 or even 3:45 – because it’s very likely we’re still hysterically trying to get last-minute things done like slap on some makeup and change our clothes!
Having someone arrive extremely late is just REALLY irritating, though. And then if you have to also deal with an idiot who arrives late (or even at the last minute) with the ingredients for their dish-to-pass and is trying to make it at your house….. Does anyone else have relatives who do that?!?
Before the last family get-together I had (last May, which will hopefully be the last big family gathering I ever have to host!), I sent out an e-mail to everybody with information like the time, vaguely the category of what they should bring, etc. It also said no-one was to bring anything that needed to be baked in the oven, because it’s too complicated when people have things that have to be baked at different temperatures.
AND it said no-one was allowed to assemble their food after they arrived. (I worded it a lot nicer than that, by the way.) My Mom informed me I’d been rude. I informed her I had not been rude, I just know my family’s bad habits and they weren’t allowed to stress me out like that. And then my sister arrived extremely late with tons of food I hadn’t asked her to bring, most of which had to be prepared here. Yep, she’s definitely very inconsiderate of other people.
Last year when I had my daughter’s graduation party at our home my sister-in-law showed up two hours early “to help”. While appreciate her help, having her way too early was stressful. I met her at the door and while it was probably rude I asked her to leave and come back at the suggested time. I said I still needed time to get myself together before I could deal with others. Unknown to her at the time I had just found out two weeks earlier that my daughter who was graduating was pregnant and we hadn’t shared that fact with anyone and didn’t plan to until after graduation and the party was over.
Oh FG – so you were already stressed out, knowing you were going to break that news. Even without something that huge, though, you described exactly what I find so stressful about someone who shows up early and wants to “help”.
They don’t know where anything is in my house, they don’t know what I want done or how – which means anything I’m trying to do takes twice as long, since I have to answer 800 questions….. And then there’s the fact that my concentration is shot, so if someone is chatting at me, I can’t do whatever I’m trying to do.
I totally understand you asking your sister-in-law to pleas leave and come back at the suggested time. SHE may have thought that was rude, but I think SHE was rude to just how up like that without even calling first to offer her help, to which you then could have said “Thank you, but no.”