Just as the beginning of our menstrual cycle heralded a transitional period in our life cycle so does the ending of the menstrual cycle herald a transitional period. Whether we are aware of it or not life is changing for us more deeply and more significantly than the simple ending of our tampon buying years.
As a transitional stage this one bears a striking resemblance to puberty, both are driven by gross hormonal change, both have physical, psychological and behavioral symptoms. I invite you to laugh at what follows and smile at the worry lines you accumulate because of your birthdays but there is also a very serious and heartfelt message here.
Life after 50 is a stage of human development not a stage of decline. We can find great joy and peace in the years which follow fifty by embracing this time of life and the unique energy it offers. It is a time ripe with potential, hope and opportunity for growth…fertility…as fecund as our early teens.
The word fertility in its broadest sense means having the capacity to grow and develop and this is exactly what our aging offers us… growth and development. Yes there will be changes in the body, many perceived as losses. However when we get stuck on the body image obsession and fall into a negative attitude about aging we give away the portion of our life which promises the most stunningly beautiful capacity for human evolution.
Consider the following list of similarities and may it boost your determination to make it through the fabulous fifties transition just as you made it through the pubescent trials:
1. We experience many changes so some days will be good but some days will be difficult.. Remember those mood swing days at 13 or 14?
a) Our skin changes. Blemishes blossomed forth in youth and now wrinkles change the landscape. So spend some money on creams and then step away from the mirror and get on with living.
b) Our breasts change shape. At 13 they sprouted and at 55 they start to sag- same breasts different gravity…blame Sir Isaac Newton.
c) Our sex drive is changing. At 14 it was a coming out party while now the drive is turning inwards to a deeper and sweeter place within us. Have faith in its fruition.
d) Our height is changing again too. In our teens we were putting on our first pair of stilettos. Now we are often choosing something more comfortable and saving the spikes for special days. I recommend wedge heels because they are great for the legs but they don’t get caught in the street grates when you are running for the subway.
e) The fashion industry caters to us because we have the discretionary dollars just like we did as baby boomer teens. In our fifties we are grateful for all this attention because changing shapes need new robes. I think even my feet have changed shape. When I was 13 my foot width and my bra cup size were the same: AAA. They are still the same but C.
2. We are likely to say and do things that other people do not like or at best find a bit odd but this time it is our children, not our parents, who are shocked by our behavior.
3. There is pressure on us once again to decide what we want to do with the rest of our life, to make plans and this time to design a good exit strategy but increasingly we find ourselves just interested in focusing on the day, enjoying the present which is here now.
4. Some days we just feel like crying and don’t know why…but now we have the wisdom to know we need no reason.
5. When we start to feel the transition happening to us people who are not our age may accuse us of being selfish because we appear absorbed in our own issues. Of course we are, just as we were when we were young. This chrysalis bursting business demands a lot of single pointed focus.
6. At 13 we rejected many of our parent’s social norms because we had not yet grown into them and their usefulness was not apparent to us. In our fifties we find ourselves increasingly content to ignore many of the norms of society again because now we have outgrown them and their usefulness is past for us. We are developing new values, our expectations are changing and the boundaries which restricted us when we were younger are disappearing in our new perspective on life.
7. We are on the verge of a miraculous time of growth and development and what it will bring we have no way of knowing. Don’t you remember feeling this same uncertainty when you were 13? It was and still is the most alluring combination of fear and excitement…enjoy and blossom yet one more time!
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Jaki, Thanks for writing this, very encouraging. Love being around young thinkers, age has nothing to do with it. I stay away from complainers, folk who only talk about aches and pains, take a pill and get on with it and people who want act old! No I don’t go running around trying to be something I’m not, however interesting I am. It is an exciting time…TRACK…got the book
p.s. GOD CREATED GRAVITY, NEWTON DISCOVERED IT!
I am glad you enjoyed this track…let me know what you think of the book. I value your comments always.
Very good. I really don’t remember much about puberty. Family life was difficult so have no idea what was what….was it puberty, was it situational?
I need to print this and read it daily!
The memory or lack of it is sometimes our best friend.
I am pleased that you enjoyed this.
Thanks for a great post Jaki. I had never connected the way I felt during puberty and how I feel now, but there are lots of similarities. I went to Amazon to buy your book and it isn’t on kindle yet. Do you know why? Do authors have input on whether or not their book is available in the kindle format? Thanks for any info you have on this.
I too would love to see this on kindle!
The kindlization of a book is driven by the publisher. I will forward your comments and some others here to my publisher and see if I can get the Kindle version moving
Thank you for your comments and your interest in Fifty& Fabulous; The Best Years of a Woman’s Life
Jaki, I found this to be very insightful…it amazes me when I read something like this and it makes so much sense to me why I am unable to come up with the thoughts myself…heavy sigh…thank you for providing me with this very helpful and uplifting perspective on this time in my life. I am not necessarily having great difficulty with it, but I daresay I have the same trials as we all do and it is good to have this to think about. I do hope that there will be a kindle version of your book?
You are very welcome. Like you I have not found my first 9 years past 50 very difficult but I am encouraged by the voices of the women I interviewed to realize that this stage of life is more than just OK… it is an amazing stage of growth!
I thoroughly enjoyed your blog–anxious to read the book now. I’d never thought that the adolescent period was repeated in post-menopause but it makes so much sense now. I am not exactly the same person I was prior to menopause, though the basic values and character traits remain. I have been labeled selfish and impulsive because I finally had the courage to shuck a marriage and, later, a relationship, that no longer worked for me, and because I am no longer at the beck and call of extended family, but I see this as MY time to discover what is inside ME and what I am made of. I am pleased with the surroundings I find myself in and I am comfortable in my own skin. Certainly the biggest challenge I face now is “what do I want to do with the rest of my life?”. Vegging is not the place I want to be, but an occasional vegg-out day is good for my soul. So I struggle with how to put more purpose into my days and more wisdom into my words. All part of creating my own map to my future.
What a wonderful sharing.
According to studies on aging that Betty Freidan quoted in The Fountain of Age , the 2 things which impact longeveity most are:
1. A sense of purpose in life
2. A connection to a community outside the family
You seem to be on the right track to me
What do I dare to do? DREAM in action!!!
I dare to reinvent myself, to look to retirement(what woman REALLY retires) as an opening to return to the art department, start a non-profit, and have the time to network with the beautiful and powerful women I consider my freinds. To write, to paint, to garden, and to give something back and hopefully inspire and lift others up. I am a little short of retirement- maybe a year or two- but the seeds of my plans have been sown and I am already seeing sprouts.
I am just horribly happy to be living in a time where it’s OK to be 50. I remember my mother going into a funk that I’m not sure she ever came out of after she passed the Big 5-0. Since I have been in my late 40′s I have pretty much told the truth when it’s called for and simply faced whatever consequences come from it. I would have NEVER dared to do that earlier. I still feel that I’m more of a ‘pleaser’ than I eventually want to be, but I’m working at being more myself and less accomodating when it doeesn’t seem to be the thing I want to do. And I surely wouldn’t have DARED to take up scuba diving, but fat and 52, I donned a wet suit and took to the sea.
I am with you …I took the scuba plunge at 49. I would not have dreamed of it in my 30′s
It seems we grow courage as well as menobellies and everyone looks great in a wet suit!