What do you do when asked a question or involved in a conversation you think isn’t appropriate? Do some questions or conversations about money, sex, health, politics, family or work make you uncomfortable? Is it questions and conversations with certain people that make you squirm? What about stranger conversations like the person next to you on a long flight?
The Holidays bring us closer in proximity to strangers and family members than other times of the year. We are in lines more often, at parties, on planes and trains, and visiting. Does this proximity breed familiarity? How often have you had to say that a conversation makes you uncomfortable? How often do you change the subject matter to a conversation you feel is more appropriate? How often do you walk away, get up or leave?
Over the years I have been on long flights when seat mates have told me about their lives with-out my soliciting any information. I have heard about marriages and children and job regrets. I have heard about home conditions and business dealings and sex lives that made me use the “I am not comfortable talking with you” statement many times. I have been asked to pray with, hold hands, look at pictures, take pictures, taste food and toast drinks. Last week something new was asked of me. I was asked to witness and sign a health directive for a stranger. I told him I was not comfortable with his request. We happened to be on the same elevator.
I understand that talking with strangers is often easier than with friends or family, but a health directive? Isn’t that the conversation you want to have with your family or at least your attorney? Isn’t that a question you need to ask someone you know? I ended up feeling a bit like Scrooge in turning him down. Who else has had a similar situation?
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A normal conversation about anything is usually okay. Some professions make it so easy to talk about anything, you know like nothing is a surprise. I think I would have signed the health directive because probably all he wanted was a witness to his signature. But the type conversations (comments) that make me very uncomfortable are when some dirty ole man starts coming on to me in a demeaning way.
Your are on to another group the “Clueless”!
You were right in refusing to sign the stranger’s health document. My advice is to never affix your signature to anything a stranger offers, especially if that signature page bears no text other than the signature lines.
As far as the untoward conversations, I find being accompanied by my killer minature dachshund (all 13 pounds of him) works wonders. Before they get within talking range, I warn would-be offenders “careful, he doesn’t mind biting.”
“Leave me alone,” “I wouldn’t concern myself with that if I were you,” or “that comes under the heading none of your business” are appropriate one-liners to the clueless.
Your dog sounds great for the “Back-off” comment. Sometimes I would like to snarl, or bark too.
The double edge sword of communication in our time! Glad I lived to see it but…we tend to forget the social graces and or boundaries. Witness a health directive, scary on so many levels. A recent experience in a conversation with friends and some folks I just met. The subject, finding a home and I was sharing my story. One person (our first meeting) said (missing the point of my story); are you having problems with your finances? This is how I responded to him; when you ask people that type of question do they respond? He said yes, I said not this person.
Good for you to ask the person if he actually heard himself and in his world it all sounds just fine!
Boundaries are a big problem with so much social media and then in real life, people forget too. I am always amazed and it makes me smile rather than upsetting me. It makes a good story.
My tone quiet (kept that), made eye contact and smiled. Age is a wonderful thing! I like to treat my self during the holidays; Jan 1st I will be treating myself to a comfortable good night sleep! Many thanks to you! I wish you continued success in 2010!
if a person talk to you like that is because you open a conversation first, perhaps you are not already conscious that you behave like a psycologist, but you are not
call me crazy but i can talk to anybody about anything. The only thing that would make me call 911 is if he/she told me they had sex with children. I usually read while on a plane. At my job we have a small lunchroom and you will not believe the subjects that people put forth. The other day was about genital hair. I came to find out it is shaven, where have i been for the last 15 years? I felt old as i was probably the only one that doesn’t do it. Another time i came in with a new short hairdo and the ladies were commenting on it. A guy coworker stood up and said “why don’t you ask me, if i like it, after all i am a man”. What did gender have to do w/it, i guess he assumed we cut our hair for the men. We discuss so many subjects and when they are sexual there are a few women that do not like it. They leave and never come back. The ones that stay say that they have a good time discussing issues that although are somewhat difficult, it is reality. I do not talk finances with anybody except our 401K. i made 18% last quarter, my coworker barelly 3% so i told him to speak to our advisor, maybe he should switch for a bit. Since i am close to retirement i am in a very minimal risk but not quiet 100% conservative. So, no, i can talk to anybody about anything but signing a document that is a different issue. I can do that for someone i know once i know and trust what is all about. We have two notary publics in our office, the other day i asked one to witness my signature and she refused. It was a paper saying that i work where we both work in order to get into my customer’s site. I did not hold a grudge although she made me walk 2 flights of stairs to go to the other person. She did not feel comfortable witnessing my signature. Her choice.