Many people want to help out when a friend is diagnosed with breast cancer or any cancer. The initial response of flowers, plants and cards is fine but the following is a list of other ideas:
Chemotherapy can last 3-5 hours. Some people sleep, others need distraction. Eating and drinking is totally acceptable. Ask to accompany the friend to chemotherapy if you are a positive upbeat, but not a Polly-Anna person.
Check with the person about tastes. Often a metal taste happens with Chemo, or some people crave sour or sweet, only cold or only hot beverages. Even if your friend does not want you to come to chemo with them, you can buy or make them some chemo essentials:
- Small Thermos for coffee or hot/cold beverage
- Small fleece blanket
- Portable Scrabble
- Check-out line magazines
- Nuts, and nut mixes
- Hard candy
- Chocolates
- Ice Cream
- DVDS for a portable DVD player
- Playing cards
- Lap table
- CD of music they like
- Pill bottle labels
- Cozy socks
- Fleece hat
- Neck pillow
- Mittens or gloves
- Cloth napkins
- Have Lunch delivered
- Bring in Coffee and pastries
- Bring dinner for the family on chemo night. Leave it at their home in a cooler
- Follow up with a phone call or an email
SOME DON’TS
- Take pictures unless requested
- Insist you accompany them
- Expect them to be truly interested in your problems
- Lavish them with lotions, oils and bath products
- Continually ask what you can do for them and do nothing when the person doesn’t come up with an answer
- Tell stories about other cancer patients who bounced back in ‘No Time’
- Try to convert them to your religion or spiritual persuasion
- Leave half way through the infusion
- Exclude them while talking with other patients or people or on your phone
- Make them stay awake if they want to sleep
- Make them drive and pick you up for the chemo appointment
- Ask only about how their spouse or kids are handling it and not them
The chemo experience is a tough time and friends can be very helpful. The above are ideas to become the helpful friend.
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I love your post. As a chemo patient myself, I would like to add a few things.
A Buff makes a great gift. They are soft and have no seams. I wear mine way more than a wig. You can wear them alone or under a hat.
As far as meals and food go, chemo patients typically need a higher protien diet, about 56 grams per day, so Greek yogurt, Ensure Extra Protien & Boost Extra Protien (do not get these products with extra vitamins) are good suppliments.
One of my good friends, hits a salad bar each week and gets her salad, then calls me on the cell and walks down the salad buffet going “do you want this, do you want this?” Then she comes by and we eat together.
Another friend does Subway once a week, She always brings a 6″ double meat and cheese turkey sub with spinach and tomato.
I am going to owe them big time when this is over!
Maybe a girls beach weekend?
Good additions, thanks.
You have a great group of supportive friends. I love the salad bar dialog!
What ever you want to do to show your firends their appreciation is a good idea. Be sure as the time goes bye that you tell them how much you appreciate their help in your life.
I threw an afternoon party outside in my yard. My sister and I made all the food and I hired a bagpipe band. You hear bagpipes so often at funerals and I thought why wait, let’s hear the pipers now. They parked down the street and started playing as they came up to my home, so all the guests were delighted and surprised. It was a fun day and a good thank-you for all the friends and family that were supportive and made a happy memory to an unpleasant time.
Brave woman, amazing attitude…I wish you well and an incredible beach weekend to celebrate.
My friends and family were so wonderful during my mastectomy and recovery, nearly two years ago now. I wish I’d thought of doing something like a lunch or party to show my appreciation. All those thank you cards were appreciated, I’m sure, but I like the ideas I see here so much better!
Lots of short visits are nice for the recovering patient, who probably doesn’t feel up to entertaining but likes to be included. One friend brought dinner after asking me which night would be best–that was great. I suggest you ask what your friend would like you to do from a list of several things so she knows you’re sincere. And the flowers are still very nice–I came home from the hospital to four bouquets and loved it!
A couple of friends of mine shaved their heads as a sign of solidarity with a friend of theirs that is going through chemo. They asked her permission first, because some would not want attention brought to themselves. I am not sure how I feel about this. My friends did it from their hearts…out of love…they also are bringing meals and other supports to their friend and her family. What do you think?
Shaving the head as support for me and just my opinion is an attention getter for want to be’s. There are some people that are cancer want-a-be, beleive it or not. THey don’t have the cancer, but want the attention as so supportive, so caring etc. The first time another cancer patient told me about this, she warned me about these friends and neighbors, I was shocked but I saw it.
If someone wants to do something with their hair if it is not colored treated, cut it for locks of love or just make a lasagna, bring lunch to chemo, give a gift card, but bald on women is a difficult look for even the gorgeous to pull off. Not many women cancer survivors I know of keep the bald look after their hair grows in!
My friends would be very hurt if someone accused them of what you mentioned above…I truly believe that that was not behind their actions. There may be people like that out there, but, not these women. They are not what anyone would call, attention getters, and are very loving in all their actions. By the way, they look as beautiful without their hair as they did with it, including the woman with cancer…. And, like I said , they asked permission. …..But, you did answer my question. It is sad that there are people that would use anyones illness as attention getters for themselves. And, not everyone with cancer would agree to this, as you pointed out. Thank you.
Great article. It always amazes me how some people freeze up when the news gets out. It’s really hard.
I’ve sent several friends this new hat called a Gaila as a gift to cheer them up and they loved them. They’re really pretty – flattering and feminine. It’s a small thing but anything that can put a smile on a friend’s face is worth it. Plus it’s a non-profit supporting women living with cancer. They have a lot of fabrics to choose from on the website – http://www.gailafund.org.
Another site with good tips is circusofcancer.com.
I don’t know how I missed this post, but I’m glad I found it. I – too – am a breast cancer survivor and know how hard dealing with chemotherapy is. There is no upside to the chemotherapy sessions itself – it’s just downright hard. My sessions lasted from 1 hour to 5 hours – depending on the chemo that I was to receive at the time. When I had to do the 5 hour sessions my two oldest brothers came to sit with me. They cracked so many jokes that the time flew by and – with the exception of the needle in my arm – I actually forgot what I was there for. They even had the nurses laughing and flirting with them. My brothers bought me food and movies to watch on my brother’s portable DVD player (I ended up buying one for myself shortly afterwards). Keep in mind that one of my brothers is paralyzed and in a wheelchair – and sitting for hours at a time is uncomfortable for him because he can develop bedsores sitting too long. But – God Bless Him – he was there. They really made that time easier for me and I’ll never forget them for it.
Thanks for this. I’m on my second round of chemo now, and find myself puzzled at my reseponse to,
“My {sister/mother/coworker/wife/neighbore} had it and it was nothing. She’s fine now.”
I feel quite negated whenever I hear that one, because I am finding the whole process rather challenging. It’s not “noting” for me!
Good Luck with the chemo and let the remarks roll off your back. People want to encourage and I think really do not realize that comments like you listed are far from that! I had some friends tell me that their Mom had a lumpectomy in the doctor’s office and never missed a day of work during chemo. Yeah and she walked to school everyday 10 miles in 3 feet of snow uphill for 6 months too!