Feeling sexy is an attitude. It is not about being the thinnest, or the most well dressed. It is not about exercising 8 times a week, nor is it about knowing the most relevant news. Feeling sexy comes from inside.
A close girlfriend of mine considered herself quite heavy at one point in her life. Looking back at pictures, I can see that she was overweight. Perhaps by 20 or 25 lbs. She set on a course of about 2 years to lose weight. And she did it. Mostly through exercise (aerobics). I believe she modified her eating habits which in her case likely meant that she didn’t eat. Not a good way to do it. But she got rid of the weight. In the meantime, she has had a few nips and tucks. She has worked hard and spent a few bucks to get where she is. And now she says she felt sexier before all of this, when she was heavy.
What makes that happen? Why try so hard if that is your true goal – to feel sexy – and then find that the total focus on getting there has ruined the destination?
Being sexy is an attitude. It is personal confidence in yourself, walking with your head high, meeting other eyes with your eyes, taking the initiative to reach out and talk to others. Being sexy means you are not focused on yourself. Some might equate sexy to being “hot” – you’re wearing the “look at me” clothes of low necklines and tight pants. If you can pull that off, thats great. But the feeling of confidence and intelligence that exudes from a woman – or man – who knows what she is good at will attract other similar minded people.
When I was single, I had to come to terms with the fact that if I was on a girls night out with a “hot” girlfriend, the men looking for “hot” would gravitate towards her. Initially, I tried to compete, to attract one of those men that were so intensely interested in my hot gf, but I discovered that like attracts like, and I wasn’t interested in men who only wanted a package. I wanted a good discussion, a debate if possible, but strong communication.
I won’t deny that it helps to have on fashionable and well fitting clothes, but I will opt for comfortable jeans and a nice top any day of the week. And having suffered through foot surgery a year ago, I laugh at the “stripper” shoes that I see stars and even local women tottering around on as if this alone will make them sexy. No way. I will find attractive and fun shoes that create comments, but I’m done hurting myself.
Being sexy is an attitude. It is possible to fake it til you make it, but you must be consistent with it, and think about what works for you. If you are in the process of getting in shape, remember that a smile goes a very long way towards this attitude. Interest in others works well too. Don’t be a slave to thinking that sexy comes in only one size.
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p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Love the comment on the shoes! Haven’t worn those stupid stilts in years. I think women look absolutely ridiculous in those, and I used to wear them all of the time. Plus, you are right about attitude and confidence. And, in my mind, jeans can be very sexy. We need to make the best of what we have. You don’t have to be a model, but don’t give up altogether either. Work with it!
Absolutely! Don’t give up on it. I wonder if I ever will. Thank you for your comment!
you should see the other blog on 5″ heels. hysterical. i think as we get older we get wiser. men will respond to mostly anything, so why wear those painful shoes? who cares. let them put those stupid things on! LOL!
Very well said and I totally agree!In my twenties all the thin, long hair, good shape girls got the attention, so I tried that. Not eating well to stay slim, added hair, makeup, then I woke up and let me be me. I did well and I like myself. Flowers come in different shapes and sizes and hues, God is gracious, yes!
I left out “liking yourself”. So key! Thank you!
We can be our worst critics. It would be nice to see what others think of us at times.
Unfortunately recently I lost a friend because she felt I wore to low a cut blouse for her tastes. I found out what others thought, and what I found was it ended our relationship. Dressing to please others isn’t the way to feel sexy, dressing to please yourself is. Confidence is key. I like low cut blouses once in awhile especially in summer. It is nice to see what others think, only if they don’t use it to beat you up.
I just don’t think that was a real friend. Then again, perhaps it was in her eyes. I’m sorry that you had that happen, but glad that you are being yourself.
I’ve noticed (and I am around models and gorgeous people quite a bit) that youre absolutely correct..Its more whats in their brain than what their body looks like. Those who truly are the sexiest are those who exude confidence and are happy with who they are! Some of the most gorgeous people I see are the ones who are unselfconscious and most importantly are wearing a smile. I think if you go to a club or gathering point youll notice that men respond to the women who are smiling….A smile seems to be the most sensual thing a woman can wear.
I had a whole different take on this. When I read your subject line, I didn’t think about clothes and shoes at all. I though about………a long hot bath by candle light, nicely scented body lotion, the feel of silk undergarments………….I could go on, but you get the picture. lol. For me it’s about the senses, not about the clothes. Although I still love my high heels.