Intimacy and How You Sleep

How and where you sleep in the bed may say something interesting about you, like how much space you need in your relationship and what your boundaries are. Which one of the following describes you?

You Sleep Intertwined with Your Partner All Night

Some partners, especially in comfortable, long-term relationships, sleep close and even turn with their partners unconsciously in their sleep. It’s as if, no matter what happens
during the day, even if they are at odds, they find comfort in each other’s body warmth and connection at night. When sleeping apart, these couples often do just fine alone, but when together (no matter how big the bed) they intertwine and turn together as one.This is no guarantee that their relationship will last any longer than others, but for some it does provide deep comfort and body nurturance during sleep.

You Like to Cuddle or Spoon for a While,Then Sleep Apart

Many people like pre- and post-sleep cuddling for comfort and connection, without sticking together like Velcro all night. They also enjoy pre- and post-sex caressing or spooning (as opposed to “roll-over-and-go-away-after-sex” manners). When they are actually sleeping, however, they prefer their own space.

You Keep a Toe or a Hand Touching or Nearby

This can provide reassurance that all is well, without your feeling confined by the other person. It may also be a compromise sleep style for bed partners who have different needs for comfort and connection-that is, where one wants more and the other wants less.Or maybe you both just like to know you are not alone, yet still sleep apart.

You Stay Mostly on Your Side of the Bed

Even when your partner is gone, you have your special place. This is your territory and your comfort zone. You meet your partner in the middle of the bed for sexual activity-often involving intercourse,which is pretty hard to accomplish long distance-or you both get into a pattern of one partner, usually the sex initiator, coming over to visit the more sexually passive, noninitiator’s side. Light sleepers (like many women after menopause) may sleep in their own corners to avoid their partner’s movements or noises. Some couples may even end up sleeping in separate rooms, with occasional “visits”in each other’s beds. For some, sleeping together is too physically or emotionally uncomfortable, or both. Or maybe it’s just the snoring!

You Sleep in the Center of the Bed

With or without your partner, the center is yours! It’s your world and your territory and you like spreading out.You are fortunate if your partner is willing and able to fit around your needs (both physically and emotionally). To make this work in most beds, your partner needs to be relatively smaller than you. If he or she needs more room, you could try putting two beds together. Otherwise, one of you may not get enough rest (or even enough power in the relationship).

Some couples alter their sleep styles (on purpose or unconsciously) due to illness, anger, boredom, or a host of other reasons. But most couples tend to fall into a pattern and stick with it, and it is common for this routine not to suit both partners equally. Given that we spend about a third of our lives in bed,with whom we sleep and how comfortable our style are worth thinking about.

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