Sometimes in life, tragedy strikes and we are left picking up the pieces of our shattered lives. For weeks I have been thinking about Abbie Dorn, a beautiful young mother of triplets who was injured during the birth of her babies. Her husband divorced her and took the babies. Abbie’s parents are fighting on their daughter’s behalf, for visitation rights. The case may drag out in the courts for years.
I understand why this case upsets me so much. I am the daughter of a woman who was stricken with a debilitating illness in the prime of her life. Slowly her body failed her but she struggled to keep herself from losing her mind. Her life was filled with stimulation and constant visits from her children and other loved ones. Never once did my Father suggest that we stay away! She was my Mother…I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.
I remember the first time I assisted my Mother in the bathroom. She was embarrassed that she needed someone to help her with such intimate things. She turned to me and said, “Debi darling, this is not the way it’s supposed to be. ” I replied, ” You brought me into this world and took care of me when I needed you. I am your daughter and I will do the same for you!”
I am saddened that Abbie Dorn’s husband divorced her. I know I feel this way because of the beautiful example set by my beloved Father. He like Abbie’s husband, was raised an Orthodox Jew. He cherished my Mother with all his heart, remaining her soul mate and loving companion until the end of her life.
I realize that not every married person is capable of handling the “till death do us part” but my question is…What would Abbie’s husband have done if she didn’t have a loving family to step in and take over? Would he have institutionalized her? The thought of that brings tears to my eyes.
As my youngest son wrote when he was only seven years old, “People are not born prejudice. they are taught to be prejudice.” When I was a child, my parents took me ( many times) to visit my cousin David, who was severely brain damaged at birth. I never felt any negative thoughts because no-one ever spoke of David in anything but loving ways. I would kiss his kepelah (head in Yiddish) and stroke his arms. The years have faded many of my memories of those visits, but the one thing that I remember is how much we loved him.
I hope and pray that Abbie’s husband will not teach his children to be fearful of the disabled . I hope and pray that the children will be encouraged to give their Mother unconditional love.
I believe that what Abbie needs is our prayers and all the positive support that we can send her. Though not all of us can wrap our arms around Abbie and give her a hug, I believe strongly that she will feel our love coming from every corner of the world.
* Please join the Facebook group called Stand Up For Abbie Dorn.
Below is the chorus of a beautiful song written by my son, Jason It is called “I Believe In Miracles”…Jason is dedicating this song to Abbie Dorn with love. The little girl in the video is my beloved granddaughter.
“I believe in miracles…I believe in you…and I believe in all the things love will often do…I believe in you!”
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Morning Debi, Sorry to say we are a nation filled,”A throw away mentality”, something new, something different, I can’t use you any longer! It is unthinkable that the male/female you claim to have loved youcan be turned out so easily. Now when the shoe is on the other foot, church, tradition, culture and family will tell the woman her job to care for him, until he dies. Oh how I hate double standards. Hope they get a good judge who will see this for what it is!
Jason, very nice words, thank you…TRACK
P.S. This male she married, no compassion for her!!
I just heard from Abbie’s brother. Abbie’s parents will be on Larry King tonight (CNN) ….This case has touched my heart and I will do anything to help this family!
I read this story last week. What a bastard he is. I’m sorry, he is simply cold-hearted, as far as I’m concerned. This woman almost gave her life to bring his children into the world. I believe his mindset, if I remember correctly from the news article, was that he didn’t want to traumatize the children or have them feel guilty if they saw their mother in her current state.
Did he ever consider that perhaps her healing would have some kind of a break through if she was able to see her children?
You are absolutey right! This is why I will continue to share her story. I want people all over the world to send her love and prayers. Like Jason sang, “I believe in miracles!”
I want to believe that her husband’s decision not to allow the children to see her is misguided and foolish, not evil. Still, these children deserve to know a mother, and she deserves to know her children. I’m an attorney and it still boggles my mind that people will fight out in court matters that should be resolved within the family, to the tune of many thousands of dollars in legal fees. I hope in this case though, that her parents continue the fight.
Thank-you so much for your comments. I agree with you about the husband. I do not believe that he is evil…I believe, like you, that he has been terribly misguided. One of the reasons I wanted to write about this is to encourage people to love and respect our disabled! As the daughter of a disabled Mother, I couldn’t have imagined not being part of her life. I adored her!!
Okay, I’ll give you that… he is mostl likely very misguided. He needs to put himself in her position. How the hell would he feel if that was him, and she was keeping his children away simply for something that was no one’s fault.
Thank you so very much for sharing this. I’m moved to tears, as so many others are. She will be held in prayers at our dinner prayer time. In addition, he will be held in prayers, that God soften his heart and lift the veil. Of course, I strongly disagree with him taking the children and divorcing his wife, however, as discompassionate as it is to us, he may think he’s doing the absolute right thing. So I pray that his eyes are opened.
You are a blessing to her and all of us. Thank you
I just read the reasoning behind the husbands decision for preventing the children from seeing their mother. Although it is human to want to protect our children. He’s misguided as to the meaning of the concept. These children need to see their mother. Immediately, It’s a matter of natural bonding. Would we keep our child from a husband bound to a wheel chair, just because we think it will be too sad for our child to not be able to play football? This whole situation is ludicrous. A parent/child bond is not based on external physical attributes or lack of. It’s a HEART THING. It’s the intangible connection of love. More over, by keeping them away he is making it much more difficult for them to grieve, when the time comes. He’s stealing their memories, and in essence, he has already killed her. I know that sounds severe, but trust me, memories are healing or scarring.
Even if he were going to be selfish, he might think of what the children will think of him when their old enough to find out. Please I pray they don’t have that for a future journey.
I said it before, he’s misguided, stupid and selfish. I will pray for him.
Thank-you for sharing your thoughts. I believe if we continue to share Abbie’s story and pray for her, we CAN make a difference. As the daughter of a severely disabled Mother (now deceased) I am going to do everything I can to help educate people about the rights of the disabled. I remember once I took my Mother out to lunch and the food server ignored my Mother and looked at me and said, “And what does SHE want?” I looked at him and said, “Please ask her. She is in a wheelchair but she is able to speak for herself!”