“To be a stay-at-home mom is a privilege, and most of the housewives I have ever met — none of whom do anything around the house — live in New York City and Los Angeles, far from Peoria.”
- Elizabeth Wurtzel, author of 1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible in The Atlantic magazine, June 15, 2012.
This line – one of many that I found offensive in this article – is beyond insulting. According to Ms. Wurtzel, all of us who choose to be stay-at-home moms, whether members of the 1% or not – are betraying the cause of feminism.
Why? Because, my friends, we do not earn any money. By giving up the ability to contribute financially to our families in order to stay at home and raise our children, we forfeit any claim to feminist beliefs, behavior, or identification.
Particular animosity is leveled at the wives who are fortunate enough to be able to live at the 1% level – how dare they get a massage or their nails done! By doing so, they have invited the war on women to not only continue but thrive, fueled by their utter lack of concern that everything they do depends on their husband’s income.
Yes, it’s the rich ladies of our country who are the real cause of the lack of equality in pay for men and women. If only they’d stop exercising and shopping and get a job, everything would be ok, according to this article.
“If you can’t pay your own rent, you are not an adult.” That’s what Ms. Wurtzel said. And if you’re anything like me, whether you worked while you raised your children or stayed home, you are insulted by comments like these (and there are many in the article). Ms. Wurtzel equates the decision by a family to have one wage earner (male) to the acceptance that the woman will give up all of her power and be “bossed around” by the monster that she is married to who has all of the money. Because according to Ms. Wurtzel, being a stay-at-home mom comes down to this:
“Yes, of course, it’s something — actually, it’s something almost every woman at some time does, some brilliantly and some brutishly and most in the boring middle of making okay meals and decent kid conversation. But let’s face it: It is not a selective position. A job that anyone can have is not a job, it’s a part of life, no matter how important people insist it is (all the insisting is itself overcompensation).”
Hmmm. So let’s extrapolate out a bit and assume (a big assumption) that“anyone” can get a job working the counter at a local fast food restaurant. Does that mean that isn’t a job? Do those wages not count because “anyone” could get that job? How about a janitor, or an orderly at a hospital? Or what about a housekeeper? Do their wages count for nothing too?
Ms. Wurtzel has taken the tenet of feminism and reduced it to one thing and one thing only – an income. According to Wikipedia, the definition of feminism includes this most salient point: A feminist is “an advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women.” Rights and equality extend far beyond money.
There is nothing more soul-sucking than women who bash other women, especially with comments such as this:
“Let’s please be serious grown-ups: real feminists don’t depend on men. Real feminists earn a living, have money and means of their own.”
No. Real feminists support each other’s decisions to choose the life that they want, including the choice to be a stay-at-home mom, as blogger MJ at 154hiddencourt.com writes about so eloquently, without attacking them for living a life that is different from what they have chosen for themselves. I respect Ms. Wurtzel’s choice to live as a single, childless woman, even as I am infuriated by her article which takes issue with all stay-at-home moms. I am happy with my choices in life, and I am happy, thanks to the feminist movement, that others are able to choose how to spend the precious time of their lives.
And I bet Elizabeth Wurtzel hasn’t spent much time in Peoria.
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You're welcome, Linda. I agree with you. I do read novels with younger characters, but I get a little tired of the immaturity sometimes, and the issues that don't need to be issues. A mature adult is so much more interesting. And, I enjoy Elizabeth B
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When I read this post, I think to mys
ok…so in the middle of typing up a very good comment, it disappeared. so here I go again…
Who is this woman anyway!? She hasn’t a clue about stay at home moms. I would love for her to come and spend just one day at our house. I have elected to stay at home. My husband is a wonderful man, and he is not my boss, nor does he claim to be. We are one in this marriage, and neither of us act upon important things before we sit down and discuss it together and together make a decision.
As far as staying at home, let me tell you just a few things I do around the house.
First off, I make sure my family have healthy HOME MADE meals. Seldom do we go to fast food places like most of my working mom friends do. This saves quite a bit of money. I even have one friend who works outside the home that doesn’t even know how to turn her oven on. Seriously!?
Something else I do is spend countless time on the phone, not with my friends, but with companies and medical offices and hospitals. I was able to save our family thousands of dollars from just one hospital stay. You see, we got a bill that was not right. I fought that, and sure enough, I was right, and we were refunded a good chunk of money. Now if I had been working, not sure I would have had the time to do that. My husband couldn’t, as by the time he gets off work, the billing office is closed, and he can’t be on the phone at work on hold for many hours.
We are in the middle of a move, and I can’t tell you how much time I have spent in the coordination of this move! I have had to be on the phone trying to get things done, like taking our names off the water, electric, etc. We just got a bill this weekend that is wrong. They did not take our name off the water bill. So, guess what, yep, I’ve been on the phone, on hold trying to get this right. Now I am waiting for them to call back. If one is at work, one cannot do these type things without loosing time at the office on personal stuff.
With this move, I have been the one to make sure the house is perfect 100% of the time so we can drop what we are doing at a seconds notice for the house showing. I have learned decorating skills that helped with the staging of our home, and because I was able to save money staging it myself, we were able to sell our home quickly.
OK, well here is another thing. We have four children, all have been involved in various sports and dance. I have been able to be 100% involved, being at every game, practice, meeting, fund raiser, etc.
I have also been involved in church stuff. I have taught Sunday lessons, headed up Wed night youth activities and Cub Scout activities. I have also headed up the women’s organization and helped out with community service with these ladies.
I have also learned photography and taken our children’s senior pictures, and my daughter’s engagement, bridal portraits, and wedding pictures. All of which has saved us a boat load of money.
I have also homeschooled our four children for ten years. Our only daughter was the only one that did not go to public high school. She elected to stay home and graduated from homeschool and started college at the age of 16…by the way, kept a pretty good GPA and graduated early with a Bachelor’s Degree. Two of our son’s graduated with honors and the last one is graduating this year, and so far, has a very high GPA.
I could go on, but I’m not, I have other things pressing right now. Things that this lady has not clue about, as she thinks stay at home moms are lazy. I do think most of you get the picture though. Stay at home moms are not lazy, dumb, barefoot and pregnant. Most of them are very intelligent individuals. We are teaching and being there for the next generation. Remember the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, and you have to be there to rock the cradle…
But you violated the feminisit manifesto and dared to BREED – and FOUR times yet – this is what irks them the most – they really don’t care about your good works in raising a healthy family – they are against all these ideaa – they only want to ensure no babies, sex whenever and with who ever and abortion freely available since they are the ones who are too lazy and irresponisble , don’t dare COMMIT to a single male- better yet avoid males altogethr and find a nice lesbian partner.
Not being facisious – I had too many friends who claimed to be feminists who have journeyed on their road to no where. Yep they had their wonderful careers and made money galore – yet now in their approaching senior years remain alone and I dare say lonely – friends and business contacts in the end do not make a family.
I have had this internal dialogue my whole life. My husband doesn’t make me feel less than because I’ve stayed home. I have worked part time, subbing at school. However when it comes to money decisions, I don’t have a voice, so maybe he does….. I have this constant angel/devil thing that is always running amok in my head. I feel less than because I haven’t contributed financially. Like I have no rights. I want to get to a point of acceptance. My kids have sort of left the nest however they are both back for the summer. I feel guilty not earning money. I was raised to believe that your self worth was totally related on money.
Ah Feminism! A rich girls clique with it’s own often contradictory dogma of beliefs. Don’t for one minute believe they were about choice or equality. If one didn’t abide by their choices and definition of equality and choce their lifestyle then one did not belong.
To be a woman of any faith, who worked together with a spouse to rasie children and create a family was totally a violation of their doctrine. To have babies [i.e breed as they called it] was to be avoided at all cost because that meant taking on a responsibility for someone else and they were only about themselves. To stay at home and look after your children was an abhorent idea to them – they didn’t want to even have children themselves and tried to foist this idea on everyone else. They also do not want to look after elderly parents and can be found very much in the death promoting movement of euthanasia. Get rid of all “burdens” their unborn children, their senior parents etc… a totally selfish and narcisistic culture has been created as the result of the so called feminists and it will take us decades to recover.
M, you have brought up a good point, a very sad point. They are very selfish, and don’t understand. If everyone had these same ideas, then the world would come to an end, because the population would die. They don’t understand that these little ones we are raising will be our future leaders, and someone has to teach them. But, there is no way they will ever understand. They are close minded and selfish.
I know she sounds extreme, but she is not talking about stay-at-home moms who actually work at home on behalf of their families. She is responding to the wealthiest women who don’t work yet neglect their children and families. I know these people from my time in LA….they are free all day, but they hire nannies so they can go out to lunch with their friends! Some of these ladies really haven’t grown up! They’re 50 but dress like they’re 20-somethings trying to recapture their youth. The male version of this type of person is called the deadbeat.Their “economically advantaged” kids have to wait until they’re 7 to start first grade because the only conversations they’ve heard are their foreign-language nannies talking on the phone! (They say it’s because they want them to be at the top of the class, or tops in football….but I’ve seen this SO many times. It is a gross generalization, but there is some truth to it. Some women just want to marry well so they won’t have to work at all, at anything. The male version of this type of person is called the deadbeat.