What do you want to do with the rest of your life? We’ve heard it said a kazillion times that to achieve happiness we must find something we’re passionate about. Sounds easy. Right? Problem is some of us wouldn’t recognize our passion even if it jumped off a billboard, landed in our lap and gave us a bear hug.
Many of us have maxed out our Visas on books with titles like “Finding your Passion” or “Following your Dreams.” All well and good if you actually possess a genuine talent or pursue a special interest or hobby. Maybe you play piano or guitar or some other instrument. Or maybe you can sing, sew, paint, crochet, create crafty stuff, plan brilliant parties, bake fabulous cakes, design gorgeous flower gardens or are a genius with a camera. Perhaps you enjoy running marathons, love to build birdhouses or collect weird and interesting objects. For you lucky and blessed folks, finding your passion should not be too difficult. It’s right in front of you.
However, there are a considerable number of perfectly nice, well-adjusted, intelligent, kind and noble people out there who have been on a lifelong journey in search of their one true passion… and have yet to discover yet.
To you, I say: be bold, be daring and be totally unconventional in your quest.
1. Define what you are seeking. What activities could you spend all day doing and even forget about meal time? Do you enjoy pastimes that stimulate your creative juices or ones that are relaxing? Would you prefer to be alone with your passion or share it in the company of others? What would you love to do even if you didn’t get paid for it? Keep in mind, it’s perfectly acceptable to have more than one passion.
2. Take a calculated risk. Do something unexpected. Go back to school. Get that masters degree you always wanted. If you truly despise getting up each day and going to a workplace you loathe—quit your job. Crazy…especial in today’s bad economy? Of course. But why on earth would you continue to do something that makes you miserable every single day of your life? Indeed, a job pays a salary. But is the money worth being miserable? Ask yourself: Are you better off miserable or happy?
3. Cultivate your community. Take classes at a local college, night school or community center. Select one course and attend every single class. It doesn’t have to be an intellectual pursuit. It can be beer making or stained glass or writing or photography or how to start a business, computer classes or a drama group. Network with other people during classes. Finish the course. You may decide you hate it or it might offer other related avenues for you to explore.
4. Take a trip. Be adventurous. Often a change of scenery refreshes our soul, expands our mind, changes our perspective and offers a new focus. Travel to some place you always wanted to go…a few hours away or around the world. Better yet, go somewhere that is outside your comfort zone. If nothing else…read a travel book or watch a travel movie.
5. Move or Declutter your life. (I said these ideas would be unconventional.) Do you hate where you live? Is your house or your town making you unhappy? Does the weather upset you? Is it too humid? Too cold? Do you feel trapped? Would you rather live by water? Or by mountains or palm trees? Would you be happier in a smaller home? I’m not suggesting that you run away from your problems. Perhaps all you need to do is downsize and rid yourself of all unnecessary baggage including people who do not validate your worth. What remains might well be your undiscovered passion.
6. Liberate yourself. Give yourself the freedom to choose. This is not a self-centered approach but more of a realization that you have something worthwhile to offer to others. Never except excuses from yourself or anyone else. Be disciplined. Force yourself to move forward or sideways…at least in a different direction but never backward. Don’t stagnate.
7. Walk away from your fears. Fear holds us back from living life to the fullest. Yet, the hardest thing in the world to do is to let go of your fear. Try walking away from your fear in baby steps. But absolutely no turning back. Are you afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building in your town and take the elevator to the top floor. Sometimes highrise hotels have restaurants on the top. Walk to the windows, stand there quietly and look down. Yes, it’s very intimidating. But once you’ve done it…you will be amazed at your sense of self-empowerment.
8. Surround yourself with supportive people. Learn from them. Exchange ideas. Hang out with people who share your interests, who motivate you. Ask them what they think are your good points and what they like about you. Don’t be discouraged by naysayers.
9. Look outside yourself. Help others by volunteering. Inspire those around you with a friendly smile, encouragement, compassion, kind words, thoughtful gestures, a neighborly good deed. Arrange a quiet, romantic evening for you and your special love. Pull out all the stops. Express your passionate side with your children, family and friends. Give them your time and your full attention. When we give ourselves to others, we reignite the love in our own heart and the passion in our own soul.
10.Embrace your joyful self and seize your opportunities. Most of us are genuinely decent people. Recognize the goodness in yourself. We all encounter problems. Envision them as opportunities and find unique solutions. Keep a wide-open mind. In seizing opportunities, you may burst upon an unexpected passion. If you could do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Still haven’t decided? Adopt a puppy. Care for it. Love it. And name it “Passion”.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Thank you for this great blog. I have successfully journeyed on my goal of finding my passion for the last ten years (divorced after 17 yr. marriage), and can wholeheartedly agree that these are important steps to take. However, I’ve had some roadblocks that have seemed to change my movtivation. I’m stumped! All forward progress has been halted and I’m beside myself to figure out how to get back on my fabulous journey. Two things have contributed to this, but I can’t accept that they should stop me like this. Menopause has taken my mojo, and I’ve quit smoking (yea!) but gained about 15 lbs. My motivation has mainly been dependent on my excellent physical fitness – I always felt like I was 20 years younger and was invincible. I followed a dream of combining my passion of being on the water with making a living and became a licensed captain. I have worked beside men and women half my age for the last 4 years and was in heaven! I was always amazed that I was actually getting paid for what I did! But now, I am unemployed and out of shape and feel like I’m 20 years older than I am. What the heck!!! I’m not liking this!! My menopause symptoms are diminishing (yea!) and I’m working out to regain my physical strength. Feeling better, but it seems like I’m entering a new world, one that is so different than I’ve maintained for my 52 years. Any thoughts?
A licensed boat captain! How cool is that! So sorry you lost your job. Yet it sounds like you are turning things around what with working out and your menopause symptoms subsiding. Do you want to get another captain’s job? Is that what you’re looking for or something different? Were you a riverboat captain or charter boat? Whatever you were, it sounds to me like you’d be a fantastic motivational speaker. Coming out of a 17 year marriage, conquering all your roadblocks and then all the great stories you must have about being a boat captain…what a determined and fascinating woman you must be! There’s a book in there somewhere…. Best of luck.
Thank you for your pep talk! I’ve worked on mostly charter sail and power boats, with deliveries and fishing jobs in the mix. So much fun and have had the pleasure of meeting lots of great people! It’s a male-dominated industry, so, there have been many trial and errors in dealing with resistant personalities (adds to the challenge!) I’m sure you and many of the other bloggers know the road…pinpoint the goal, work hard, reap the benefits, work hard, reap the benefits, work hard….and so on. It’s surely is an exciting path! The primary attribute is to believe in your goal – it takes focus, hard work, selfishness (in a good way) and lots of confidence. The only voice you listen to is the one in your own head saying “you can do it!” By reaping the benefits along the way, you are enjoying the rewards of your hard work. Without that, it’s hard to maintain the drive. So, my advice is to make sure you revel in your efforts and enjoy the ride!
Hello Boomer Pie! I’m not a captain boat, actually water is my phobia, (born in a caribean island!!) but I centainly admire you for been able to find your passion, but like you Ive always been proud of my physicsl fitnes,but my menopause like yours has also taken the mojo on me, but like you I also started to work out again with all the love and support of my lovable husband, I also feel many times that I’m entering a new phase of my life, but this one unlike teen to adulthood is painfully real, I’m turning 52 in a few days and Menopause is not going to stop me from celebrate my age…good luck!
This is awesome! Thank you!
Hello Boomer Pie,
That was a great post filled with thoughtful ideas! Thanks! We can ALL incorporate some of your list into our lives in some way, shape or form.
If anybody cares, here is how I view the problem of “finding our PASSION.” As we all know, none of us live in a BUBBLE. Most of us are mothers, grandmothers, wives and girlfriends. Following certain parts of your advice would mean actually putting OURSELVES FIRST!!—GASP!!…and that is the “ages old” problem.
However, would we really be HAPPY leaving town because it’s too cold in the winter if it means living in a warmer climate ALL ALONE??? …without the laughter of our grandchildren?….without being able to participate in the day-to-day happenings of our extended families? (I’m not talking “control” issues here…I”m talking about truly enjoying the “family experience”…face-to-face, or tear-to-tear…you know, being “present” physically in their world. You just can’t do that over the telephone!) After all, what is Thanksgiving if not shared with the ones you love? Who would be there to stir the cookie batter, and pass down the recipes? What about enjoying those little 5 year old ballet recitals? Or, your grandson’s first little league game? Or that first day of school? Or when the tonsils have to come out? In my life, it has always been important to “be there” to hold the hand, to dry the tears, to look them in the FACE when discussing why it’s not a good idea to drink and drive, etc.
For what is LIFE…if lived alone on a mountaintop, while your family is left wondering where the hell you went?? (I guess I have never understood why families are so scattered these days.)
There is an older women in our neighborhood who is 85 years old. Her children are scattered. She sits alone in the house all day long…with a television to keep her company. She gets few calls, and even fewer visits from friends or relatives. She is rarely NEEDED in anyone’s life anymore.
Does this have to be the sad progression of our lives as women?
Yes! It would be FANTASTIC if we could all just quit our mundane jobs. But, what about our retirement (that is shrinking day by day!?!) How would we survive? I suppose most of your solutions would be easy if we were all financially sound. Everything is so much easier for the wealthy among us…well, isn’t it?! The rest of us, however, must continue to “plod along” because, well, there are still BILLS to pay! It is frustrating how important the role of “economics” is played out in EVERY aspect of our lives!
Also, I need to ask another question: What happens if we are NOT surrounded by “supportive people”, but simply by people who DEPEND on us to be there for them, i.e., sick parents, out-of-work husbands, struggling young adults with degree-in-hand who are trying to “launch” themselves in this terrible economy! Sadly, we are not still back in the ’50s when everyone seemed to have a job, an affordable house with a picket fence, a car and 2.5 children…whose college education didn’t cost $48,000 a year!
Perhaps the reason women are so obsessed with finding their PASSION is because the ESSENCE of being a WOMAN is usually defined by assuming a “secondary” role to everybody else! Let’s face it, ladies…are MEN out there looking to find THEIR passion?? (In THEIR later years, a good “TROPHY WIFE” fixes them up just FINE!!)
No, ladies, as soon as we turn 21, or find the “love of our lives”, we automatically become the “doer”, the “pleaser”, the “compromiser.” Add children to the mix and our fate is sealed forever! Now, we are housekeepers, caregivers, supervisors, car poolers, overseers, dog walkers, schedule keepers etc., etc., etc. We can’t even escape if we remain CHILDLESS. There are always aging parents to care for….that is, if we choose to do it. Let’s face it, lots of families have a “chosen one”. You know, that ONE ADULT SIBLING—usually a daughter— who DOES IT ALL while the other adult siblings simply continue on with their lives…uninterrupted. (Then, they show up to the funeral all teary eyed.) But, that’s another story.
Anyway, my point is that All of this “caretaking” takes time, energy…but most of all, a lifetime commitment.
Sure, we could ALL just walk away in our golden years and say “YOU’RE ALL ON YOUR OWN! I’m going off to TIBET!!” In fact, isn’t it our job to foster INDEPENDENCE in our kids??? Yes, it is. However, everyone can use a “helping hand” at one point or another. Isn’t there a saying, “It takes a Village?” The “grandchildren” phase is RIPE with “doting-granny” opportunities!!
In fact, wait a minute!?! Your post has made me realize that my TRUE passion is….my FAMILY!! I love caring for them, worrying about them, helping them to find their way. (The problem is that I have two SONS…who, despite an obnoxiously DOTING mother…(me)…are growing into independent, competent, sensible men! Grrrr!!! (Don’t you HATE how that happens!? Once, they absolutely NEEDED their mom, and the next minute, you become totally USELESS! Now, I have to “tread gently” and be subtle about my DOTING ways lest their EYES glaze over and their EARS fall off! LOL!
All kidding aside, however, I simply enjoy the feeling of being “needed” by my family. I guess that’s why the part-time job I got when my kids entered elementary school…you know, the job with “mother’s hours”…. has lasted to this very day!
However, I am trying to change my mindset these days…and I have now applied for a true “9 to 5″. I must admit, however, that the prospect of not “being home to be the errand girl” so much is making me pretty anxious. Who’s going to let the DOG out at lunchtime??? (He’s going to have to retrain his bladder for sure!)
So, it seems that the REAL problem with me is coming to terms with “CHANGE”. With my nest emptying soon, if I actually flew to Tibet for a year to discover my PASSION, I may return to discover that while I was gone…everyone got along just fine!
Ooh! OUCH!!
Hello, Time4Me. Wow! I think you just saved yourself thousands of dollars in physcotherapy sessions because you seem to have done a bang up job of self-analysis. And yes, it certainly does sound like your “family” is your passion and that’s a wonderful thing. I personally believe that everything we do is our own choice. We choose to be who we are, where we are, what we are and we choose how people treat us. Sometimes we make wrong choices but we can choose to change. I couldn’t help but notice that you call yourself: Time4me. It doesn’t sound like you are allowing yourself much time for YOU. You will be an even happier person if you allot some time for yourself. Like you said: everyone will probably get along just fine if you’re not always there. Nobody is irreplaceable. My 10 bold suggestions to Finding your Passion are admittedly unconventional. But for those who are seeking something in their lives (and men are seeking also) if they haven’t found it yet…they really need to try something out-of-the-box. As for you, it sounds like you have an extraordinary family and that you are an amazing family matriarch. So if you’re happy with your life, more power to you. Enjoy your life and just make a few tweaks now and then. And maybe take a long overdue vacation!
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Yes….well, that’s my point exactly. Women who dedicate themselves to “motherhood” sooner or later become obsolete… that is, until some sort of CRISIS arises. Then, all of a sudden, everybody needs MOM! Geeez! (…and no, dad never seems to be available to ride “shot-gun.”)
My case in point: I finally applied for a FULL TIME job…(as opposed to my previous job where I had “mother’s hours.”) I was suppose to start TODAY. My 17 year old son, however, was just diagnosed with the H1N1 virus yesterday. He has a history of asthma, so he is a bit more “high risk” than the norm for developing complications. The doctor said to keep an eye on him.
So…..????
Therein lies my CONSTANT dilemma!
My parental responsibilities have to come first. I really don’t see that as a “choice.”
Of course, I could CHOOSE to leave my son alone to monitor his illness (from his skewed “teenage” perspective!) But, would that really be a good choice? This kid thinks it would be okay to be out with his FRIENDS right now! He’s convinced that “nobody’s gonna catch it from me if we’re OUTSIDE, mom!!!” At 17, he neither understands, nor CARES about the significance of RESTING when it puts a “damper” on his social life! Keeping him in for a few days is like…well, you get the point.
So, I told my NEW BOSS that I had to stay home for a few days to see how he progresses…but not without being totally embarrassed that I had to “call in sick” on my FIRST DAY OF WORK! (I guess I was also influenced by the deaths of two younger middle school kids in our local area from this flu within the last two weeks.)
So, Time4Me??? Sure….
Like I said before, life isn’t lived in a bubble. We are all inter-related…each dependent on the other.
I would LOVE to take that vacation. When I’m around all the time, they think I’m just a PAIN IN THE BUTT!!! However, when I’m GONE, they always seem to NEED SOMETHING!
I don’t mean to sound MORBID, but, I suppose if I DIED, they’d have to just figure it out, huh? LOL!! Life would go on…but at what cost? Would my asthmatic teenager succumb to Swine Flu???
Nothing’s easy in life.
Wow, I got so much from this post, yet, I found myself riveted by Time4Me’s post, even more. It’s all been written a thousand times before: find your passion, do what you love, etc., etc. But they never tell you (do they?) how that will fit in with real life? Time4Me, perhaps you could transfer your passion for caring for your family into a business caring for other people’s families? While everyone is out pursuing their “passions”, you could be the sounding board, the caretaker of ill teenagers, the dog walker, etc. It sounds like something you would enjoy and the best part is you could make your own hours, still being available for those grandchildren! Perhaps your passion isn’t just caring for your family, perhaps it’s just…caring…doing for others. I appreciated your “back to reality” honesty.
My problem is not finding my passion, it’s figuring out how to pursue it and make a living at the same time. I, too, have family, small dogs, commitments, a (blessedly WORKING) husband, etc. but still need to make a living, to contribute to the household coffers. However, at 55, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to find, or to feel enthusiastic about, a full-time job making a decent amount of money. I, indeed, want to do what I love and that is research. I’m voracious about finding information. I could do it all day and not even think about meals, housework or anything else. I become engrossed in the pursuit of hidden information. Genealogy is one of the offshoots of that passion and one which I have been practicing for myself for more than 25 years. I have traced my father’s family back to the early 1700′s. It’s also one which others have turned into a business. I just have no idea how to go about it. How to get started, how to get clients, etc. I feel like I am “stuck”. Any suggestions?
Jessica, it sounds like I’m in a similar place with you right now. I also love genealogy and research. I’m combining it with my love of writing, and I just hung out my shingle by launching a website: http://www.juliegallagher.com. It remains to be seen how successful this venture will be. Stay tuned! Meanwhile, you might like to check out the Association of Professional Genealogists website at http://www.apgen.org/. They have a page about becoming a professional genealogist which can help you decide if that’s something you want to pursue. The http://www.FamilySearch.org website also has a bunch of new classes in webinar format, some of which are geared toward helping professional genealogists build their business. Good luck to you!