Vibrant Nation

My 6’1″ Frankenstein

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meigler's avatar Posted on Tuesday, July 27, 2010 by meigler

I’ve never in my life withheld sex to get something I wanted, but I think it may just take that to get his attention.

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Yesterday Doug and I went to a ginormous factory outlet mall just outside Houston. I’m on a quest for comfortable shoes to take on my upcoming trip to NYC. My friend Yakkity, who works there, said that if I wear my Crocs sandals in NYC I’ll be a pariah. People will cross the street so as not to be in close proximity to me. Parents will shield their children’s eyes to protect them from the hideous spectacle, thereby saving them from years of therapy.

I don’t know how many stores were there but it was lot; and they’re expanding to add more. If it gets much bigger I’ll have to pack my PJ’s- if I had any that is. This place was big! Smartly, Doug and I arrived there at 2pm. The hottest part of the day.

The rain is gone in Houston so the sun and heat are back full force. Stupidly, I forgot to apply my sunscreen yesterday, so I ran from store to store with my head down, trying to escape the sun. For the most part though, unless I throw an absolute shitfit Doug refuses to use sunscreen. So he just walked around in the sunshine, never even opting to walk under the awnings.

Having embraced this look his whole life, now when he has his shirt off, Doug looks kinda like Frankenstein, all pieced together. His head, neck and arms are a completely different color from the rest of his body. His torso and legs look white. The rest of him looks like mahogany. Great look if your Ethan Allen furniture.

This is really a bummer too, because when he was younger he could’ve been a model. These days, not so much. Not for swimwear anyway, unless someone’s looking for a model with a patchwork quilt kinda quality. Of course I love him nonetheless; but I am getting really tired of being ignored.

I’ve never in my life withheld sex to get something I wanted, but I think it may just take that to get his attention.

One it looks just God awful. I’m afraid one day he’ll wake up and look like a wrinkled saddlebag with eyes; but more importantly- I’m really worried about Doug getting skin cancer.

I welcome any suggestions about this issue.

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responses (13)

Sunblossom's avatar Sunblosso…
Sunblossom said to meigler
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Unfortunately I have a very fair partner who will not wear sunscreen.....I don't even suggest it...it is there if he wants it.....He does wear a wide brimmed hat if we are going to be out in the sun for any length of time....even worse, he won't wear a seat belt....drives me crazy...even sex (or lack thereof) probably won't change them at this point....perhaps some graphic photos of skin cancer patients might be more effective.

steelmagnolia's avatar steelmagn…
steelmagnolia said to Sunblossom
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Sunblossom, please keep trying to get him to at least wear the seatbelt. I lost a very dear friend on July 7, because he never wore a seatbelt, he was 40 years old. His wife, 3 children, parents and are left here grieving because of his hardheaded ways.

Magnolia

Sunblossom's avatar Sunblosso…
Sunblossom said to steelmagnolia
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Right....I just don't understand the logic, or lack thereof....he has some perverted logic that he says to me...."I have driven waaay more miles than most people, and have not had an accident yet".....I can't get it though his head that I am not asking because I don't trust his driving skills, but there's a reason why they are called accidents.....especially in the summer, we live in a high tourist area so lots of people out there driving tired, trying to keep control of a car full of cranky kids, not sure where they are going etc.  

meigler's avatar meigler
meigler said to Sunblossom
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Here in the Houston area it's quite common to see Hispanic day laborers riding in the back of an open pickup. You see it every day. Anyway, fifteen years ago now, we came upon an accident. We got there before the police or EMS. A pickup with many people in the open bed had had an accident. Of course everyone in the open bed was thrown out and hit the ground.

There were multiple deaths. Our kids we were us. So now, whenever they think about doing something reckless we remind them that those guys had probably ridden in the pickup thousands of times, until they couldn't anymore.

meigler's avatar meigler
meigler said to Sunblossom
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Now that's a good idea I hadn't thought of. We did however, have a friend who had to grow a new nose on her forehead because of it; then they flipped it upside down (leaving it connected, so she'd have a nose.

steelmagnolia's avatar steelmagn…
steelmagnolia said to meigler
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Hey Meigler! My ex has the same look. He also is almost bald on top of his head. For years, I would buy sun block and put in his truck for him to use, since he worked out side a lot and we are in the south. He would not use, still doesn't, but has started wearing a hat some since the doctor has now removed skin cancer from his head a couple of times. He also has the whole farmer's tan/frankenstein look going on too. I am with you, it a good look for anyone. Good luck with you "Frankie".

Magnolia

meigler's avatar meigler
meigler said to steelmagnolia
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Thanks a lot Magnolia. I'm still working on him. BTW- I see that's it's 238 mi. from Asheville, to Huntsville- and it's SE, the direction that we need to go. Maybe I'll take you up on your invitation after all. Perhaps we could go and have a bite somewhere.

steelmagnolia's avatar steelmagn…
steelmagnolia said to meigler
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That would be great, Meigler! Just let me know what day. It would be great to actually meet you in RL.

Magnolia

meigler's avatar meigler
meigler said to steelmagnolia
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Great. When we're ready to leave NY I'll let you know. When you get time, why don't you PM me your phone number.

Sunblossom's avatar Sunblosso…
Sunblossom said to meigler
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Oh, and on the other hand, my ex husband did not believe in deoderant....need I say more??  Pick your poison I guess...

meigler's avatar meigler
meigler said to Sunblossom
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OOOH... but then he is your ex. BTW- Matthew McConaughe says he doesn't either; but of course you could always just ogle him from arms length. LOL


 

TRACK's avatar TRACK
TRACK said to meigler
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Morning M, 8 days to go!!!...TRACK

meigler's avatar meigler
meigler said to TRACK
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I know I know! I'm gonna send you a PM in a minute.

Pure and Natural