I think my brain needs a dunce cap

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Since Evelyn and I are so close, naturally we spend a lot of time together; and we kid each other as good friends do. When I was at her house the other day she read an article to me that stated those women with a”pear” shape, have more memory problems than those with an “apple” shape.

Since I’ve become a grown up I’ve slowly morphed into a pear shape. I chalk the transformation up to subsidence. (That  just sounds so much better than saying I had too many tacos and too few hours on the treadmill over the decades.)

Anyway…. after discussing the article we concluded that since she’s an apple, she’ll probably croak first from an MI. We deduced that I’ll live longer being a pear, but I won’t know it because by then my memory will be completely kaput. I just hope I don’t wind up like Ten Second Tom from Fifty First Dates.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk7WuvNKe_g

I first started noticing that my memory was getting sketchy a few years ago. At the time my mom had severe memory deficits. I got freaked out about the state of my brain and got checked out by a neurologist. After memory tests and an MRI, I was declared “normal”.

“Reduce the stress in your life”. Yeah, OK. I’ll let you know how that works out doc. Now if only that guy from Publisher’s Clearinghouse would show up at my door. Sadly, Mr. Clearinghouse and his prize patrol in which he carries that big ass, stress relieving, check hasn’t as yet shown up at my door. Nor am I planning a move to Tibet to chill out with the monks. (Although they never have bad hair days or worry about what to wear.) Hmmmm…

Therefore I must depend on using what functioning gray matter that I have left. I think actually my neurons and synapses are all still up there. They’re just engaged in some stupid feud like the Hatfields and Mc Coys and not talking to each other most of the time.

So until Mr. Clearinghouse shows, the feud ends or I move to Tibet, I’m stuck with doing mental gymnastics every day. To that end, I recently signed up with a site named Lumosity, a brain training site, guaranteed to build your brain.

I’m not looking to do brain transplants or rocket science anymore; but I figured I had to so something to keep my razor sharp edge and not depend on removing my shoes to count to twenty.

I’ve been doing these brain sessions for 5 weeks. Most days I’ll do cerebellum crunches  for 30 minutes.

I thought I was doing pretty well, that is until I clicked on the little tab that actually had a chart showing my progress. Sorry it’s a little fuzzy. Does it look fuzzy to you? Overall, I was pretty happy with my scores til I got to “Memory”.

How did I compare? Look at the LITTLE blue bar on the graph.

I scored just higher than a cup of Jello, but lower than brussel sprouts. That score explains a lot. Especially why I was able to leave a dressing room at the mall yesterday with my shorts on inside out, zipper and all,  without even realizing it.

On a high note, Doug didn’t notice it either. Why I take solace in that, I cannot explain.

I think Doug’s going to have me chipped with a LoJack before we go to NYC. Looking at my memory score of 3%, I may not even complain.

Has your memory failed you? Come on, tell me. Make me feel better.

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