I was paging through a magazine the other day, when I came across this ad for multi-size feminine “leak protection.” The headline explained the reason why I might need variety in leak protection: “Because one style doesn’t fit all.”
This struck me as hysterically funny and petrifying at the same time. Having been officially menopausal for the past two years, I’ve been enjoying the freedom from the “pad” that plagued me for more than three decades. And I’m not talking about flimsy little pantyliners that are basically over-sized bandaids. Between fibroids and what seemed like the Amazon River of menstrual flows, I was a mega-absorbant slave. Try pads made for hippos. So to say I was ecstatic when my periods came to a total and complete end is a huge understatement. I wanted to break out the champagne. Dance on table tops. Wail: “I’m free!” from TOMMY, until my neighbors complained. You don’t understand, I’d say. I never have to buy a box of Kotex again in my life. Ever, ever!
And then I come across this ad. Ironically, all the people shown in the ad were women. This says to me that, one way or the other, the feminine protection industry refuses to give up its lucrative stake in our uncontrollable body fluids. Think about it: if most women start menstruating around age 13 and menopause sets in between 52 and 54 on the average, that’s around 40 years of tampons, pads, and liners, not to mention all the peripheral products we have to buy because of our hormonal condition. Like Midol. For a good part of my life—and I’m sure yours–I was mainlining Midol. I even took it between periods as a post-hangover treatment, mood-lifter for general crankiness, and a caffeine substitute. Next to chocolate, Midol, I believe, is responsible for less women being incarcerated as serial killers. (That’s a joke… don’t go off thinking I believe hormones make women into criminals. There are times, though, that we’ve all wanted to claw something in a fit of cramps.)
Now, blissfully free of all the products designed to manage my monthly gift from Mother Nature, I’m resistant to any suggestion that I’ll need to return to the pad. It makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it. Do manufacturer’s really understand women’s revulsion to disposable protection products? Yes, we thank God we no longer have to hide in huts with other “taboo” women or shred up old dishrags—which, when you think about it, really were a “greener” option. But that doesn’t mean we enjoy feeling like pre-potty-trained toddlers. No matter how sleek the design, the idea is that we can’t control ourselves. Our short-lived independence from the pad disappears with the first sign of bladder dysfunction. The first, “Oops!”
I don’t know what the alternative is. I’m not in Research and Development. There is, at least, work being done in the pharmaceutical industry to calm over-active bladders to lower your chances of urinary accidents. Again, kind of ironic. They get us with Midol in the first half of our lives, then keep us hooked on anti-urgency meds in the second half. It may not be a conspiracy, but it sure is opportunistic.
I don’t know about you, but I’m practicing my Kegels like mad. Squeeze the pencil. Squeeze the pencil. Maybe it will buy me a decade or two.
other blog entries from »
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
I do believe the kegels are more effective the earlier you start. As to the incontinence issue, I’ve been informed by my friends and family members who have had children, that you can blame that particular gift on your kids! My sisters & several friends who are younger than myself have experienced these issues already. I have had no children and was also fortunate to have pain-free periods from day one & so far I haven’t sprung any leaks! On the downside, women in my family generally don’t turn in their pads & tampons until mid-to-late 50′s.
As to the alternative…I believe they call it catheterization…I believe I’d prefer a pad.
Jill–Yes, having kids does bash up the equipment, and the more you have, I’m guessing, the more damage. I had one, so I’m hoping the mechanics are still in good shape. My mother, however, is 75 and had four kids. So far, no incontinence problems. And she insists she’s never using Depends. I can only hope strong bladders run in our family.
My mother, having had 5 kids (and is now 85) has horrific incontinence problems, and when they put women this age in a hospital for any reason, it’s either diapers or a catheter because nurses can’t come in that often. Several years ago, her doctor told her that doctors are going to see a huge wave (pardon the pun) of incontinence problems because of how people like to carry water bottles everywhere and constantly drink. First time I ever heard of a doctor saying people drink too much water. But food (or drink) for thought.
Got a news flash here from an article I just read that we should all read about. Basically it says we all need to strengthen our glute muscles & stretch out everything in the front of the body – rather than worrying about those kegels! It certainly took me by surprise, as it runs counter to much of what we’ve all been told – as apparently all those kegels can actually make some of those “accident” problems worse! Who knew?
Here’s a link for more info.
http://mamasweat.blogspot.com/2010/05/pelvic-floor-party-kegels-are-not.html
I began having slight bladder leakage in my early 40s, menopause at age 50. I suppose I can blame it on my daughter, my two D&Cs and the fact that I began regaining long lost weight at that time.
Thankfully, unless I’m sent into fits of laughter and/or coughing, it’s still slight. I wear an oversized bandaid most of the time. Not ready to think about sugery for that slight amount. However, surgery is an alternative I’d ponder before going to diapers!