I try not to become angry but sometimes I do. I used to feel angry quite often. Most of the time, that isn’t the case anymore.
I know some people close to me who are angry a lot. I don’t like to be around them much when they are. I’m sure they mirror my own tendency towards feeling angry. Usually the people who reflect things to us about ourselves cause us the most discomfort.
This weekend my daughter did something and I ended up feeling angry. (Notice I didn’t say she made me angry. I chose to feel angry because of her actions. We choose our emotions. I definitely chose to feel angry.) And I’ve felt angry for almost 24 hours.
When I think about it, actually a few other things preceded this burst of anger. I was actually angry about something else before but not enough to really feel the emotions strongly. My daughter’s actions then just brought these feelings to a head. I suppose you could say I was slow to anger. This makes me think about the Jewish teaching about anger.
In Exodus 30:11-34:35( Torah portion Ki Tisa), we are told that God is “slow to anger.” And the sages said, “Those who are angry—it is the same as if they worshipped idols.” (Babylonian Talmud
One man bet another that he could provoke Hillel to lose his temper. On Friday, as Hillel was inside washing his hair in preparation for the Sabbath, the man came to his home and called out to him, indicating he wanted to ask a question. Hillel went outside to see who was calling him. The man asked him a silly question: “Why do the Babylonians have round heads?”
Hillel replied, “You have asked a great question. Because they lack skillful midwives.”
He then went back to washing his hair, but the man again interrupted him to ask another silly question, which Hillel came out to answer. Then, a third time, the man waited just long enough for Hillel to get back in the bath before again calling out that he had another question. Each time, Hillel calmly and patiently dried off, got dressed, and came out to answer the silly question, until he finally sat down and encouraged the man to ask whatever he wanted.
At that point the man angrily told Hillel, “Your patience has caused me to lose a bet of 400 zuz.”
Hillel replied, “Be careful of your moods. Hillel is worth it that you should lose 400 zuz, and yet another 400 zuz through him, yet Hillel shall not lose his temper.” (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 31a)
In other words, Hillel seems to be saying, “better to lose 400 zuz, or even twice that much money, than that he—or the other man—should become angry.”
So, Judaism teaches that we should develop a patient disposition so we don’t get irritated and angry. Sometimes that’s hard…especially as parents. However, we typically deal with situations more effectively when we don’t let our temper get the best of us.
Plus, the anger of emotion gives off tons of negative energy. That doesn’t help us get our message heard by anyone else—like my daughter—nor does it help us create what we want. Typically, we feel angry when we don’t like the circumstances in our lives. Anger just creates more of those circumstances, not less. That’s why it behooves us to choose other more positive emotions or, like Hillel, to cultivate patients or equanimity.
That’s a tough order, I know. It’s a worthy one to try and fill, though.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
I also have anger issuses and have learn just with in thew last couples of months that it was a controll thing with me I have been working on not letting everything get to me when I cant do anything about it. Its hard and one of my biggesat issuses is our kids who work for us and cant make their money last so they keep coming to us, we finally put our foot down aznd said that if they dont have money they wont be working as much. Yesterday my husband and I were on our way back from Indy and our daughter called and said the bank took 500 out of her account, even though last week Thursday she was broke. This is our busy time so she need the money for gas, Jery told her se better finf out where her money went. reason she is broke , she bought a horse and is spending a ton on it , a husband who needs drove out to the lake all the time cause he loves to fish. I got upset about the money and lying but not angey
Good for you. All emotions are part of a spectrum. Sounds like you are working your way through the spectrum. Next time, maybe you wont’ get upset either! You’ll just look at the reality and deal with it!
I – too – have come to the realization that I need to let go of anger. It has cost me a lot. I’m practicing deep-breathing exercises and letting things go BEFORE I let the anger take over. Like Flowermom.1 it is a control thing with me. I’m at a point now where if I can’t control it – LET IT GO!!! You can’t control everything and sometimes it’s not meant for us to control a situation. Sometimes situations happen for a reason and if we let it go we find the situation has a way of working itself out and sometimes the solution to the situation was a pleasant and unexpected surprise. Acting on anger has led me to so much disappointment in life and in myself. This is just one of the many things we learn how to handle in our midlifes that as young adults we didn’t have a clue.
I, too, believe thins happen for a reason. All the more reason, as you said, not to get angry…but to get wise.
Like you, I turn to theological and historical stories in order to know myself better and change. There is an importance to patience. Inevitably, if I wait before reacting, the answer makes itself known. So much so that I am now considered an incredibly patient person. (Im not, I am counting the minutes as I quietly wait for the answers)
Still, I am amazed at how they appear ontheir own now.
I don’t always succeed. Too often I fail. I keep trying.