A friend of mine told me a few years ago that once she turned 50 she became invisible. She told me this when I was in the throes of a divorce and feeling rather unloved, unattractive and more or less defeated. It was a scary thought.
I have now been 50 for almost three months and I have yet to feel invisible. I feel OK. I haven’t had the urge to even attempt anything romantic. In my day to day life, I feel like I’m seen and heard. But it does beg a question, is there any chance at romance? I don’t know. There are days when I could care less. And there are days when I think — with a real sense of despair — that I am destined to finish the rest of my life alone.
What does a woman at my age do about meeting someone? Online dating is just not my thing. I tried it early on and hated it. I work at an institution where it’s highly unlikely I will meet someone. But I’m busy enough. I have an active life. I live next door to one of the country’s major cities. I guess I must trust in the mystery and see how things unfold.
Middle age romance also begs another question, should we strive for coupledom after a certain age? When I logically think about marriage, it seems like an arrangement to rear children. After this part of lives concludes do we really need to marry?
I will admit I miss the coziness of coming home and cooking a meal with my spouse. But I also like the sense of independence it gives me. I can eat out or not eat at all. I have the bed to myself. I manage my own finances and don’t have anyone to bicker with about spending money.
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i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Oh Mebutter, for some reason you are crackin’ me up! I think it’s the combination of you tonguing the granite face in your picture, knowing you’re six feet deep in school work and still able to think of romance. Except for the ‘attaining a master’s’ part, I sense you and I are in very similar situations. I am happily divorced and the mother of not one but two challenging teenage daughters. I can’t answer your questions, but I do agree with you, I hardly feel invisible. In fact, I feel more visible to more people than ever before. When I was divorcing my very wise neighbor told me it would be best never to marry again ( she is celebrating her 40 + something anniversary!). I love my bed, my dogs, my house, my life. For me the thought of having someone around on an everyday basis doesn’t fit, besides seeming suffocating, it reeks of boredom. I love the stimulation I have to bring to my life. It forces me out the door and into new situations.
I guess, for me, the thought of a long distance relationship seems most thrilling. I’m looking for thrilling, fun, passion, and fabulous sex. I want the time I spend with someone else to be interesting, rich, and fantastic. Then I want to go home, and for him to go his way. I want our separate lives and our separate growth to be what makes our time together interesting. That leaves a lot of questions open, like; what if he meets someone else, what if something happens to him, what if I meet someone else, where are the boundaries. I haven’t got a clue. I just know I’m not the person I was two years ago, or even one year ago. I keep growing. The things that scared me then, don’t scare me now. You and I are gonna be fine, Mebutter. I can feel it!
I met my ex husband online, and my last two exboyfriends online and for me, it’s the way to go. I’m a young-looking 56, and it’s apparent to me that there is probably no other way I’m going to meet someone. I’ve been unemployed for some time so I don’t get to interact with people on a daily basis the way I would if I were going out to work every day. Hopefully I will find a job but who’s to say I’ll find someone there?
In any case, I can live alone very well and I think I prefer it, but I truly miss having someone special in my life. I know for certain that I don’t want to get married again.
I think online dating gets a bad rap. People often assume that everyone online lies or that the dating sites are full of unsavory characters. No doubt there are as many unsavory characters offline as there are online – LOL! – and it’s easy enough to sort them out. If a guy doesn’t write well or if he gets too intimate too fast, forget it. If he seems interesting, I insist we email for awhile, then call for awhile, THEN we meet — in a public place, of course. If the chemistry is there, great — if it’s not, then it’s not, so you thank them for the coffee and move on.
my experience with on line dating has been fine. All 3 of the guys I met were really nice guys. I just havent had chemistry with anybody… or truth be told I am probably just not ready… one year since I left. I will say at this age I am surprised at my personal answer to the remarry question. NO WAY. I would love a companion (someday), but why do I have to marry him??? I know, the sin of living together, but I just cant get past how hard it has and still is to get rid of the first husband. Why would I want another???
All good advise from above. I also agree, why the marriage ceremony? It’s not like we re starting families or building a life. We want to live life and then as one lady here puts it…go home. I am not in a relationship right now and I am not in a hurry.I am enjoying my life as it is. If some great guy comes along then that will be icing on the cake. But I don’t want complicated. Hard for guys to see that sometimes. They want you all to theirselves, all day every day. Maybe they got used to a former spouse and are looking for that comfort thing where she cooks for him and cleans for him and he doesn’t have to do that anymore. I think it is the age or the times that guys our age grew up.
Younger men will not go through that as much, they are used to doing for themselves more. So ladies, in a way, we have spoiled our men of this generation. But we have changed and if they want relationships, they will have to change too, take us as we are or not at all.