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My middle aged middle

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Judi50+'s avatar Posted on Tuesday, October 27, 2009 by Judi50+

I just may be stuck with my middle aged middle for the rest of my life. My pear-shaped body isn't going to turn into an apple or an hour-glass any time soon... If ever.

I watched Wanda Skyes special on HBO a few weeks ago. She is a very funny lady. I especially could relate when she talked about her 'Esther.' 'Esther' is the rolls that have started to appear around her aging stomach and abs.

Like Wanda, I have an 'Esther,' however, I think I'll call my rolls around my aging stomach and abs -'Ethel.' Wanda says her 'Esther' craves bread and drinks. And she doesn't like to be put into Spanx.

My 'Ethel' doesn't like Spanx either. Ooh no, Spanx are not fun for my 50+ year old body. I tried a pair on one time and could not sit down. That's when my 'Ethel' was smaller than she is now. I'm sure she would not like to be squeezed into a Spanx ever again.

My 'Ethel' craves black and white cookies from the local deli. She also craves pasta and like Wanda's 'Esther,' my 'Ethel' craves bread too, especially when it is freshly baked warm bread or rolls in a basket at a restaurant with flavored olive oil for dipping.

My 'Ethel' is looking forward to Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays and I think it is one of 'Ethel's' favorite holidays too. My 'Ethel' always shows up after Thanksgiving, after I have eaten my sister-in-law's wonderful calorie laden, high-fat stuffing (made with Pepperidge Farm stuffing - and lots of butter - OMG it is soooooo good). My 'Ethel' usually likes to pack in the pies on Thanksgiving. Although, this year I was considering making apple, pear or berry cobblers or betties instead of pies. My 'Ethel' may not be as happy without the thick pie crust...but a fruit dessert without the pie crust might help me to better manage my friend (or foe) 'Ethel.'

I do try to exercise 'Ethel' away. But, the past few years, she doesn't seem to want to disappear. Maybe as I strengthen my core with my yoga practices, 'Ethel' will go on an extended vacation. Or maybe not. I just may be stuck with my middle aged middle for the rest of my life. My pear-shaped body isn't going to turn into an apple or an hour-glass any time soon...if ever.

The zen card I selected at my yoga class tonight was 'happiness.' It said that 'happiness comes from within and that no one or thing can take it away.'

Did you hear that 'Ethel?' I'm 50+ and my happiness comes from within...whether you decide to hang out or hide out around my stomach and abs for the rest of my life. You cannot take away my happiness. It's here to stay. And as another one of my favorite female comedians Lily Tomlin always says, 'and that't the truth!'

Judi

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responses (38)

Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Judi50+
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Judi, I commend you on "happy & acceptance" - that's great; but wouldn't "happy and slimming progress" be better? Two suggestions for you, if I may, although Ethel is not going to be too impressed here! 1) read "Fighting Fat After 40" by Dr. Pamela Peeke. She exlains how and why Ethel has made fast and furious friends with you and why she is not wanting to go anywhere - basically, we're talking toxic fat from exposure to air and water polutants, food and cosmetic additives, electromagnetic interference and xenoestrogens, and yes, stress! All this ads up to decades of toxic build-up that eventually our liver, kidneys and skin are no longer able to keep up with - our body's defense mechanism against all this toxicity is to house the toxins in fat cells and safely deposit them around our midrift, hips and thighs where the toxins can't get at our vital organs; and no amount of dieting and exercise is effective against toxic fat; 2) combat nutritional bankruptcy; junk food aside, it is very difficult to get the daily recommended doses of nutrients that our bodies were designed to operate on from regular grocery store food because of over processing and mass-market agricultural practices. An example - it would take roughly 100 bowls of spinach today to offer the same nutritional value as 100 years ago. And you don't have to believe me - the USDA was reporting on this as far back as the 1920's and you can only imagine that agri-business has only made things worse since then. It is estimated that it would take roughly 3000-4000 calories a day of regular grocery store food to provide the nutrients we need for optimal health. As this is not sustainable unless you spend many hours in the gym every day, our bodies tend to hord the less than adequate levels we provide it with - hording leads to weight gain. The solution I found to combat both toxicity and insufficient nutrient intake is "nutritional cleansing" - I boost my nutrient levels with 1 or 2 servings a day of the highest quality meal-replacement shake where I get a huge intake of nutrients (especially minerals) in a low-caloric format (less than 250 calories per meal); and I do gentle full-body cleansing on an as-needed basis. The shakes keep my nutrients (and energy) up so that my body does not hord while at the same time reducing my caloric intake; and on an ongoing basis, the cleansing releases the fat that is no longer required by my body now that my toxicity levels are negligeable. This is a 2-pronged approach that absolutely does not fail and really allows my body to produce the wanted results vis-a-vis my efforts at making good food choices, getting regular exercise and plenty of sleep & relaxation. I said good-bye to my Ethel, who I used to call "Michelin" after the tires, over 3 years ago now and have never looked back. I wish you success in escorting Ethel out the door should you so choose. And you'll still be happy - how great is that! Lorri
Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Lorri
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I hope you get this perlerose, because the "reply" button is bringing me back to my original post instead of your post. To remain true to VN's Community Guidelines, may I suggest you visit my Bio in my VN page - all the info you need is there as well as 3 ways that you can get in personal touch with me - there's nothing like a good chat to get to the skinny of things, so to speak - lol! Your story is so familiar, isn't it? And the solution makes so much sense, and yet conventional wisdom insists on sticking to the calorie/exercise solution without considering that the calorie/exercise solution is only half the solution - we must also consider the nutrition/detox solution first so that our body and our brain are then equipped to respond to the calorie/exercise portion of the solution. Talk to you on the other side, perlesrose!
Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to Lorri
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Lorri, so basically you do not eat real food just meal replacement shakes and detox periodically? I am going to find that book and read it. I do believe in detoxing periodically but not eating real food because is not nutritional as it was 50 years ago won't do it for me. I love to eat. I think i can do a shake in the morning, which i have been doing. My trainer believes on another one at nite before going to bed but i "repeat" anything i eat late and then lay flat. Que bien que hablas Espan~ol!
Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Lynnette
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Hi again, Lynette - heavens no - perish the thought. As I say so often, deprivation leads NOWHERE! While I was losing weight, I replaced 2 meals a day and ate a sensible dinner that I prepared myself - protein, carb, healthy oil, lots of veggies - around 6oo calories - and noone teling what I could and couldn't eat, no counting points, just good common balanced sense. Once I reached my desired weight, I continued (and to this day still do) taking a morning shake to keep on top on my nutrient needs, but balanced lunches and dinners are always real food, again 600-700 calories each. And the best part is that now that my body is optimally fed and cleansed, it is soooo forgiving at those times when I have a little fun with my choices - my body recognizes junk when it sees it and quickly escorts it out the door without visiting my hips! As for cleansing, when I was losing weight I spent 1 day a week cleansing; now I do it once or twice a month, depending on the need. Lynette, please know that I eat real food and lots of it - it's just that we don't get enough nutrients from food alone, so I top up my food intake with nutrient-dense meal replacement shakes - I have the best of both worlds!
Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to Lynnette
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i do protein shakes recommended by my trainer and although i love the vanilla taste and it suits my sweet tooth, the hot flashes have been overwhelming plus i counted the calories and found out the following: 190 protein powder, 90 cal skim milk and 50 for quaker oats. i do believe in cleansing.
Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to Lynnette
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i do protein shakes recommended by my trainer and although i love the vanilla taste and it suits my sweet tooth, the hot flashes have been overwhelming plus i counted the calories and found out the following: 190 protein powder, 90 cal skim milk and 50 for quaker oats. i do believe in cleansing.
Judi50+'s avatar Judi50+
Judi50+ said to Lorri
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I do like Dr. Peeke's advice. I saw her speak a few years ago and was very impressed. I'm not into detoxing my body, but for those who are, I'm glad it works.
Gerri Pollard's avatar Gerri Pol…
Gerri Pollard said to Lorri
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Hi Lorri, I too have the friend Ethel. Could you please let me know the name of the shake and the gentle-full body cleansing product that you use? Thank you Gerri
Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Gerri Pollard
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Hi Gerri, Unfortunately, Sharing that kind of info here is against VN Community Guidelines. If you would like to consult my bio page, you will learn how to get info and reach me personally - I would love to hear from you - looking forward ...
Rachel's Daughter's avatar Rachel's …
Rachel's Daughter said to Lorri
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How about sharing some specfics about the products you used to say good bye to "Michelin".

What meal replacement and what full body cleansing?  Not asking for your recomendation but would like a point to start from to do the required research for making an informed decision about your method.

Rachel's Daughter

 

 

 

 

Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Rachel's Daughter
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Community Guidelines prevent me from mentionng specifically which system I use. You can visit my bio and find links from there. Or if you want something more generic, you can consult a naturopath perhaps who is familiar with the principles and the building blocks of nutritional cleansing. It's just that a system is far easier than ad hoc, takes the guess work out of the picture, and can be substantially easier on the pocket book. My goal is not to recommend per se, it's just that what I do is the only nutritional cleansing approach that I have tried and come to trust. And R's D, please don't hesitate to contact me directly if you have further questions.

perlesrose's avatar perlesros…
perlesrose said to Judi50+
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Great advice from Lori. What shakes do you use? Supplements? I'm a proponent of detox and breakfast shakes. Being dairy intolerant, I make my own with kefir or yogurt. I've stayed the same size most of my life and never dieted a single day. I've been 5'7", 128 and size 7 (occasionally a 5) from my teens until around age 56. Then I hit a multi-whammy - Laid off, menopause, canceled gym membership to save money, too much time to sip beer and watch tv. I've gained about 10lbs per year the last 4 yrs. Now at 60, I'm truly overweight and it's a new experience for me. Having an hour-glass figure deceives most people people, as the ratio of my proportions stays the same. Am I happy with Ethyl - NO. It doesn't just look bad, it is unhealthy for women to carry too much extra around the waist. I'm back to walking 5 miles every morning (pedometer 10,000 steps). The beer has to go but this time of year that is difficult because of all the parties I'm invited to. A 6-pack/day (I don't do lite) is around 1200 calories a day. I don't eat that many calories in a day, so it is the beer and wine and hormones that have gotten me here.
grammy 2 4 's avatar grammy 2 …
grammy 2 4 said to perlesrose
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Wow! I'm still at the stay slim stage but food and I don't have a relationship at all, I eat to live I've never lived to eat but I do have one question for you perlesrose; and please know this is coming from a place of honest caring. A 6-pack a day and some wine. 1200 calories a day is my total diet, usually less, above this 1200 in liquid, what else do you eat? Yay for the walking 5 miles a day but that's not what may be your enemy, alcohol turns to sugar, sugar to fat...easy process...fat is fat, a waist size larger than 34 for a woman is dangerous, in some cases deadly. Obviously you don't see the 6 pack a day as a problem..I've known some people that it's not but I think I would at least look at that, maybe try to widdle that down to 5 beers a day then 4...give it some time, not a 6 pack down to 0 in 6 days...you won't succeed...but maybe in 6 weeks....maybe 6 months...you can cut that way back, then you'll see some changes fairly soon I'd say.
Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to perlesrose
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Perle, did you see my response 4 responses up from here - when I wrote it, the system would not let me put my response in the right place. I also sent you an email - hoping to hear back!
Melodee's avatar Melodee
Melodee said to Judi50+
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I wouldn't mind my "Ethel" if I could find pants that fit her :-)
Judi50+'s avatar Judi50+
Judi50+ said to Melodee
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You have to try the line of jeans called 'Not Your Daughter's Jeans'. They are great for mature women with middle aged middles.
MiMi's avatar MiMi
MiMi said to Judi50+
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2 words.........low carb!
Olga's avatar Olga
Olga said to Judi50+
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Hi Judi, I can identify with you. I never in my life struggled with weight until I hit my 50's. Over the last four years I struggled with diets, exercise, etc. Success finally came with a combination of Weight Watchers online and Jazzercise. The Jazzercise is the ONLY exercise I've found that whittled away at my middle. There is a lot of core work and it's a lot of fun! I am not a fan of detox. Our bodies are made to naturally detox. However, if that's something you're interested in, I would research medical websites. My experience has been that adding lots of fresh fruits and vegetables to my diet keeps my energy level up and melts the pounds. WW is based on balance and portions, so you can have your fresh bread (one of my weaknesses as well). My results: since March I have lost my goal of 15lbs, my middle is firm (not 6pk abs, mind you, but firm- no muffin top), and I feel much better. Mind you, I took my time, and sometimes indulged and I averaged only three exercise classes a week. Hope this helps. Good luck fighting the battle of the bulge.
dewdropinn2003's avatar dewdropin…
dewdropinn2003 said to Olga
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I agree with you, Olga. I had this battle in the past and tried WW and it worked quite well...lost 42 lbs. Over the past 8 years, I have put about half the weight back on and am dealing with the "middle" problem again. Thinking about going back to WW and know I felt better when I ate properly. I also believe, like you, that detoxing is no the best way to go. Slow weight loss is the safest and best.
Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Olga
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I agree, Olga, that our bodies are made to naturally detox - our kidneys, our liver and our skin do a great job - really! The problem is, for many of us, that we are exposed to more toxicity in this day and age than our bodies were designed to handle. The body's defence mechanism against this overflow, if you will, of toxicity, is to fabricate fat cells specifically for the purpose of warehousing excess toxins, getting them safely out of the way of our vital organs and safely depositing them on our mid-section. That is why diet and exercise don't always do the trick - diet and exercise successfully target that portion of our excess fat that is attributable to consuming more than we burn, but diet and exercise do nothing to get at the fat which purpose is to protect us from excess toxicity. That's where cleansing becomes necessary. And by cleansing, I do not refer to drastic single-organ detoxes and purging and fasting and the like - all of which can unwittingly carry with them rather negative side-effects, but rather regular gentle full-body cleansing synergistically incorporated into a safe, nutrient-dense eating plan. This approach, called nutritional cleansing, along with safe exercise and making time for enough recuperative sleep on a daily basis, will release not only the fat due to overconsumption, but also the toxic fat tending to grace our middle-age mid-section. A book I found extremely helpful in understanding this toxic middle-age phenomenon is "Fight Fat After 40" by Dr. Pamela Peeke, a must-read for all us VN women I believe. The Battle of the Bulge is absolutely winnable, and if diet and exercise alone are not helping any particular woman in winning her Battle, then nutritional cleansing may very well be the Missing Link, the next tool in her arsenal against her particular "Ethel". I know from personal experience - it only took me 4 months to finally and irrevocably conquer the fat demon I had been battling with for 45 years - and that was 3½ years ago, so I guess I can safely say that my victory over toxic fat was sustainable and self-perpetuating. I wish such success for any and all women who have decided that "Ethel" is neither acceptable nor welcome and that She just isn't funny anymore!
Olga's avatar Olga
Olga said to Lorri
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Thanks for the new information. I'm a skeptic by nature, but am willing to read new things before I make up my mind. I will check it our.

Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Olga
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You gave me a nice chuckle Olga - if you only knew how sceptical I was ... Oh my goodness, I have a true desperation story that led me down the path of nutritional cleansing, a story without which I never in a million years would have considered this "new information" as you so aptly call it. I am obsessively analytical, and basically, no one was going to sell me on any new information - I was going to have to sell myself, or it was not going to happen at all. And so I spent a great deal of time analysing nutritional cleansing from top to bottom and sideways even :)! But it really paid off in the end. So you have my understanding and my blessing - I encourage you to do all the due diligence you need - if you're anything like me, this will take you a while - but please know you will not be alone, I'll be there for you on the other side should that be your choice. In the meantime, cheers and be well ...

Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Olga
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Olga, if you were interested in getting a fresh perspective on cleansing, please see my response to dewdropinn2003 just below.
monaliysa@aol.com's avatar monaliysa…
monaliysa@aol.com said to Judi50+
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Great Story...have an Ethel too..can't exercise it away so FAR..but today i am getting my treadmill....ah to be continued. LOL
tennim's avatar tennim
tennim said to Judi50+
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Well, I can relate, but I know it's also possible to have a much smaller Ethel. I saw Helen Mirren in a bathing suit last winter. She is 63 and so am I. Well, she does not have an Ethel, nor does she have the body of a 20 year old. That's when I looked at my portion sizes and the amount of exercise I do and decided to shrink the former because although I eat very healthy, I ate too much, and increase the latter. And I lost 6 pounds. It took 4 months but I succeeded. I have decided that I want to lose another 4 pounds to reach a healthy BMI of 25. I still want to eat healthy, so I need to increase how much I move, from what I do now, about 100 minutes a week to at least 200 minutes a week (Gwyneth Paltrow does 720 minutes a week!!!!) So now that I have come public with my goal, I need to get moving.
ginia's avatar ginia
ginia said to Judi50+
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Hi Judy, I t comes with the territory, what I have found that helps is my posture, as we get older we tend to slouch, When I stand up straight and relax my shoulders,neck backyou will feel your spine align. Sometimes this is hard ,but keep going , catch yourself 10 times a day slouching and correct it ,you will see and feel better , also cleanse, cleanse , cleanse. I hope this helps.
elainenadya's avatar elainenad…
elainenadya said to Judi50+
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Judi I guess I am more motivted than you which is fine, but I am 68 and have a flat stomach and wear a size 6. I was 3 months ago a 12 with a little pouch for my tummy. I got on excercise program where i do cardio(th trick) 2 x a day 4 days a week and lift weights 3 x a week.I also am doing something from Donald Trumps new company called the Silhouette Solution. My husband does not excercise and he lost 25 lbs in 3months and still losing. All we do is eat.Ha.Ha. all day long. www.thesilhouettesolution.com I hated how i looked and no matter what age you can change if you really want to. I just had a halloween part this past weekend and its was a 50ty's party and i poured mysef into tight pants with a cinch belt kind of Olivia Newton John look and everyone said i looked incredible. Its a great feeling. I was not wearing spanx either. Tummy is very hard to lose but you can I am proof. But it sounds like you're really happy so that is really all that matters.
marimethod's avatar marimetho…
marimethod said to elainenadya
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Way to go Elaine! Getting an "Ethyl" is not inevitable... it's a choice. If you choose to continuously fill your body with junk - yes, it's inevitable, but that's because of the choice you are making! Then again, you can make the choice to be healthy instead. This results in more energy and less disease which certainly beats the alternative (diabetes, cancer, heart disease). In fact, today CNN released a study that shows "Ethyl" is directly related to some forms of cancer. http://bit.ly/1EInIU If you're looking for a practical way to get in shape - and STAY in shape, check out my profile. This is a program that I developed, and it's what I've used to stay in shape for the past 10 years.
marimethod's avatar marimetho…
marimethod said to elainenadya
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Way to go Elaine! Getting an "Ethyl" is not inevitable... it's a choice. If you choose to continuously fill your body with junk - yes, it's inevitable, but that's because of the choice you are making! Then again, you can make the choice to be healthy instead. This results in more energy and less disease which certainly beats the alternative (diabetes, cancer, heart disease). In fact, today CNN released a study that shows "Ethyl" is directly related to some forms of cancer. http://bit.ly/1EInIU If you're looking for a practical way to get in shape - and STAY in shape, check out my profile. This is a program that I developed, and it's what I've used to stay in shape for the past 10 years.
MaryR's avatar MaryR
MaryR said to Judi50+
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While I do get that the notion of 'Ethel' makes for entertaining articles and comedy sketches, in the day to day battle of the bulge responsibility should remain squarely on our own shoulders. Blaming others, even diverting our attention to the idea that 'Ethel' likes pie, takes away from the fact that we are each responsible for what goes into our own mouths. Forget some specter with an unflattering name and take the best care of yourself each and every day.
island.dwler12's avatar island.dw…
island.dwler12 said to Judi50+
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Dear Judi; Thank you for your recent blog here about your Ethel My name is Denice and I have had an "Ethel" for just less then a year and I haven't named it and don't know that I'm going to but its a interesting concept to make it a separate entity as your self.... I think if I did name it I would call it Lucy, only because Lucille Ball was my idol and because I was called Lucy from a former bf; don't ask why cause he doesn't even know, I have enjoyed learning today that I'm not alone carrying around a separate entity for the past year..... I look in the mirror sometime before my shower and I see it and I look 6 months pregnant and it scares me something terrible because two years ago for my birthday I got a gift from another former bf of a tattoo and guess where I put it? well I just wish I could send you a picture of it cause its right on my belly in fact its a orchid coming out of my belly button and it has on the right side a hummingbird going into feed on the orchid. Its so silly that a 51 yr old women would get a tattoo but I've wanted one for many many yrs and so there it is. I just wanted to let you know that your not the only one and sometime that's always a relief.... Denice
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sunsetmom said to Judi50+
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I have accepted it too but it still gets frustrating when trying on clothes.
Ceceann's avatar Ceceann
Ceceann said to Judi50+
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Raw food. Start out with fruit in the morning then raw vegetables for lunch, eat your regular dinner. Then later, add a green juice when you are ready (cucumber, fennel, celery is good for a beginner). Good things will start to happen, you'll be changing because you will be giving your cells the pure nutrition it isn't used to getting. You may decide to go 80 percent raw, 90 percent even 100 percent. Search for the term Raw Fu for a group of people who have chosen this route and you'll see plenty of photos, before and after, recipes, advice. It is free. It is very simple. This is not a sales pitch (I have no stake, not selling anything and wouldn't want to). You don't buy anything but food, real food. Organic fruits and vegetables are best, of course. It is your health and your choice.
Ceceann's avatar Ceceann
Ceceann said to Judi50+
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Raw food. Start out with fruit in the morning then raw vegetables for lunch, eat your regular dinner. Then later, add a green juice when you are ready (cucumber, fennel, celery is good for a beginner). Good things will start to happen, you'll be changing because you will be giving your cells the pure nutrition it isn't used to getting. You may decide to go 80 percent raw, 90 percent even 100 percent. Search for the term Raw Fu for a group of people who have chosen this route and you'll see plenty of photos, before and after, recipes, advice. It is free. It is very simple. This is not a sales pitch (I have no stake, not selling anything and wouldn't want to). You don't buy anything but food, real food. Organic fruits and vegetables are best, of course. It is your health and your choice.
Twinkling Candle's avatar Twinkling…
Twinkling Candle said to Judi50+
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Judi, The definition of optomism is ... Rubbing vanishing cream on Ethel, or maybe just wishful thinking. Ethel is still with me also.
Mavourneen's avatar Mavournee…
Mavourneen said to Judi50+
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"Ethel" can be down-sized dramatically if you do more than "try" to exercise.. ....you need to actually "do" the daily exercise. For me, a Canadian up in the snow-belt..I do the daily 30 minute brisk walk, tuned in to my walk-man to the tune of "Boot Scootin Boogie". My half -hour walks usually end up being an hour or more as I get so pumped up and energized. I have actually gone for up to 3 hours at this pace. Mind you I am an outdoorsy type of gal, and was very athletic in my youth. In the winter when the temperatures hit in the minus...I jump on the treadmill and do the same thing. If you don't "sweat", "glow", or "perspire", and huff and puff a little you haven't had an effective calorie -burning workout. I am also a nurse, so I know the benefits of staying in shape, especially in this day and age, of over-loaded plates in restaurants and tons of work-related stress. I will be 64 years old in January, and am as healthy and fit as a fiddle, and look 10 years younger than my age, with the thanks going to God for good genetics and the blessing of good health to get out and make use the wonderful gifts he bestowed upon me. One group of people who seem to have an extra hard time to lose their middles are diabetics....so if this area of the body is a problem for you...don't worry, it's more important to keep those sugars under control, and prevent heart disease, risk of stroke, diabetic ulcers, loss of eye-sight or kidney failure . So, stay happy and healthy, and love yourself for who and what you are...because you are all special and unique individuals.....love to all.....Maureen (Mo) Worobec
Twin one's avatar Twin one
Twin one said to Judi50+
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I have learned to just keep an exercise program, eat the right foods, right fats, and be happy.  My ethel is here to stay.

Lorri's avatar Lorri
Lorri said to Twin one
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Twin one, Im just curious ... is your Ethel there to stay because you truly believe that nothing can be done to evict her ... or, are you truly comfortable and on friendly terms with her ... or, have you made a choice that she is not worth the effort you believe it would take to kick her out? If it's a choice, that's one thing, but if it is resignation or hopelessness, it would be a shame - afterall, Ethel does have competition you know, if you wish to put her to the test :)!

Pure and Natural