Don’t do this…
Not being in places where you can be seen and found by available men on a DAILY BASIS!
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Men can’t find you if you hide every night at home snuggled up with your beloved cat or dog, reading your book or watching one of your favorite TV shows like “Dancing with the Stars” or “Glee.” You need exposure to men, whether in person or online. If you’re afraid to put yourself out there, no one is going to know you’re even available.
Do…
Start going out at night and on the weekends. Consider taking classes one or two nights a week where you think men might be that have similar interests to you. Try Bridge lessons or golf lessons. Men love practicing their golf swing year round and can easily be found at both indoor and outdoor driving ranges.
Even the library has single men coming in to check out books, tapes and movies. Make a list of every place you think a man might be. I think you’ll notice available men are everywhere. You just have to get yourself out in public areas so you have a chance of meeting a great one!
Don’t…
Have vision that is too narrow when it comes to the kind of men you are willing to date.
Ask most women what they want in a man and a type similar to Richard Gere’s character in “Pretty Woman” comes to mind. He’s rich, sassy and has a heart. We’ve been fed on stories like these most of our lives whether they came from the movies or from the fairytales we read as little girls. And it’s jaded us to who a great guy might be- giving us unrealistic expectations of who “Quality Men” really are.
Do…
Stay open to dating all kinds of men with all kinds of looks, backgrounds, and interests as long as they are economically self sufficient-meaning they can hold their own and won’t be financially dependent on you. Yes, it would be nice to have a handsome and rich man sweep us off our feet but most of the guys who look like this are usually “The Charmers” who literally have the pick of the litter when it comes to dating women.
It’s important to be attracted to a man. Sometimes it takes a little time. The guy who was only ok when we first met him can actually grow on us and become quite cute as we get to know him better.
Don’t…
Give up on dating after a bad date!
There is no doubt about it, without the right skill set and support in place, dating can be hard. It’s so easy to get bogged down by all the profiles you see online. And, having friends with no one to fix you up with can be so disheartening and frustrating that you just give up on dating.
Do this instead…
Dating has a learning curve just like every new endeavor does. Dating requires learning a whole new set of skills that I share with you in these blogs and in my coaching programs. The more experience you get with dating, the more you will know about the type of man you really want in your life. So when a date goes bad, chalk it up as being one more man closer to the real man you are looking for.
Until next time-
ok i did it again and googled debbie boone and one of the things i got was this. not good. there should be more people happy then not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR3RN5V-DLY
this lifestyle company is the one who did that facelift on my pa
I like to think that I should do whatever I want in any given moment, which would be whatever would make my life work best at that moment be it work, rest or grocery shopping. Mostly when I am not working or doing other important stuff, I like to go home and snuggle up on my great new couch and watch my favorite no-brainer tv shows. I actually am surprised I really love to do this. Now that I’ve found this great restful pastime, I don’t want to give it up to ‘find a man’, so it’s causing a little problem as after 8 yrs alone I suddenly also find myself wanting to move on and having some companionship now. I guess I want a new relationship whereas up to recently that was not on my agenda. So do I really have to go out to ‘look’? I am thinking maybe if it’s in the cards and time is right, nothing will keep me from running into the right person. Sort of a spiritually derived idea I suppose, that what will be will be. Thinking back to how I found my husband with whom I had my children and over 20 yrs of marriage, I was definitely not doing anything at all to find him as he just appeared one day. I knew it right away and didn’t have to really do a thing to make that happen. Ditto for my career path and the best jobs I’ve held. All came to be because they came to be by some magic force that I have come to believe in. Geez, I sure hope this strategy will still apply!
Hi lunchgirl
Thanks for sharing your life with us. I am also a Law of Attraction kind of girl and I so wish anything we wanted would just show up in our lives yet what I’ve found is that what we want will show up as long as we do the work and put the pieces in place to make it happen. In terms of dating, that means being in the world or online so the man/men you’re meant to meet or be with can find you.
20+ years ago, single men were a lot easier to meet. If you were in school at the time, you couldn’t help but trip on some available man. Today it’s a lot harder but it can be done and it does help to have the skills and tools you mentioned along with support especially when it gets hard and you want to quit.
Are there some local places near you that might work for meeting men? Sporting events? Classes? Wine Tastings to name a few. Keep us posted! Lots of hugs
I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse…..I have been on the dating sites for 8 years; it has been a nightmare. I didn’t have to do anything either with the husband, I met him in the army and was only 20….now I am 65…..I hope and pray a LOT to find a man who will love me (they all have a l lust thing for me)……nothing ever came by magic for me (although my nickname is “fairy child), but because of a hard life, I wrote about it and won a scholarship and am a Freshman….now that was magic!
I love sitting on my couch and watching tv, but after 8 years of lonliness………..it is excruciating, so I would say….get out there and let us know what happens!
@ Alicia…you are a Freshman??? Freshlady I mean….awesome! Hope you are enjoying and yes that’s the kind of magic that seems to bring the very best. Wishing you all the best in this!!
Well said Alicia. Thank you
Interesting…you say being on the dating sites for 8 years has been a nightmare….not something I would like to re-experience. Tried that myself as well and do not seem to have the ‘skills’ necessary to navigate and make good decisions about dating from the online venue. The thought of it makes me shudder, making me think that the guys I will find there will also make me shudder.
But maybe I will try relaxing on my couch and getting out there (assuming I can figure out exactly where that is) like, at a 50/50 ratio. So here I go, out to the grocery store and post office. Well it may not be the best places but at least they are ‘out there’. hehe. I just realized, I’ve even been going to the grocery store at really unlikely hours, just to avoid crowds. Maybe I’ve just become a bit of a recluse without knowing it, and not to be revealed to me till I read this posting thread.
Lunchgirl
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this statement:
Maybe I’ve just become a bit of a recluse without knowing it…
It’s safer and easier. Unfortunately it won’t cure the loneliness.
Sounds like now that you have an awareness, you are going to be able to do something about it. Keep us posted on your Dating Plan.
Lisa
I ordered your cd’s and I am far from a tecky I thought I would get 3 cd’s in the mail. After I ordered it and something was downloaded it wanted me to buy winzip. Did I just waste my $20.00? I love to read your articles but I’m lost. Please help.
@Heartbroken…There are free zip programs easily available, for example 7-Zip: http://download.cnet.com/7-Zip/3000-2250_4-10045185.html
Hi Lisa and thanks so much for all your wisdom and responses! It’s really nice to feel so much supportive effort.
Yes I have become a recluse because it is just easier, and to date that actually worked well while I recovered my sense of self after my divorce.
Now thinking about dating however, I’m coming face to face with the fact that as an adolescent my parents refused to let me date at all, in fact they pretty much wouldn’t allow me to even speak to any guys. I was to responsible and dedicated to being a ‘good girl’ to argue and so I now am thinking I simply never learned any dating skills to begin with. I met ex husband two days after moving away from home and never looked back.
Maybe that’s largely why the thought of dating and setting myself up for success in finding someone or as you say, get myself out there so someone can find me, seems like such a maze of impossibility and details that make my head spin.
Wow, you’ve given me lots to think about! and thanks!
Hi Lunchgirl
Your comment is so true for so many women our age. Most of us didn’t date a lot in high school or college. Back then, we sort of fell into relationships by hanging out and now we’re coming out of long marriages clueless how to get started again.
If you read my story either here or on my website, you will see I was one of those women and I made some of the dumbest mistakes you can ever imagine. It took me over 10 years to finally get it right. I don’t want other women to have to suffer and go through the pain I did finding a great man to bring into their lives. I want women to have the shortcuts to dating not the decade long path I took.
One of the biggest reasons women don’t date or stop dating is caused by what you pointed out so well in your comment-they don’t know how. It is a learned skill just like a job. I’m glad you are reading these blogs and if you want to know more about certain dating topics, please let me know. A great place to start your dating journey is by getting the free report on my website that shares the secrets to finding men in the world and online. Hope this helps. Lots of hugs
Hi Heartbroken
I am so sorry you had some trouble getting the Confidence Seires. You should see a download link for the CD’s in an email sent to you. I will send your note to my IT guy right away and it will be taken care of tomorrow. I will be sure you get the entire product in your email box from him in the afternoon. Feel free to contact me on my site if you have any other questions and I’m glad you enjoy the articles. If you have any topics you’d like covered in future blogs, let me know. Thanks so much for letting me know there was a techy issue. That technology. Somedays you love it and some days it’s crazy…….Have a great night!
Thanks, I need all the help I can get.
Not everyone online is a dud. I was online for years after I got divorced at 47. Then, at age 52 or so, I was writing a book (that I never finished) about online dating. While going out on dates for research, I met guys I would have overlooked before. One of them was the guy I married.
Here are a few tips:
Meet for coffee…nothing longer like dinner. Tell the guy you can only stay for a few minutes. You can always stay longer if he doesn’t seem like a dork or a crazy, but you can make a fast getaway if he is. (Don’t dwell upon looks. My husband was wearing orange shorts…he’s colorblind…but he seemed so sincered.)
Dating when you’re older is like a job. If you don’t want to be alone (and sometimes living alone sounds good), you have to get out there and work at it.
Great advice Christina. Thank you.
Well, I’ve been widowed for almost 20 yrs. now. I have dated A LOT! My friends dubbed me as, “The lady with the 30-day warranty”. Because that’s how long most lasted. Picky wasn’t the word for my breaking up or not going on to try it out. Anyway, about 5 yrs. ago I decided to date one for a yr., let him move in, for another yr., then travel for what was supposed to be our retirement lifestyle. That lasted 2-1/2 yrs. Now, it’s permanently over. But my attitude – and I know it for a fact – is that, I have no intention of spending the rest of my life alone. There are plenty available men out there. Ones who also, don’t want to spend the rest of their lives alone. So, just enjoy the journey. If anything, it makes great conversation for your lunch dates with the girls. Sitting home alone only makes you develop an “Old” attitude of life. Keep it young chicks. Age has nothing to do with attitude.
Love what you wrote Unique One. This is why dating after 50 can be so much fun. There are lots of great men out there. It’s all in how you look at dating and the type of relationship you want. Whoo hoooo and koodos to you!
One of my guy friends got mad at women he called serial friends. That would be me. I meet plenty of men and get to know them as a friends first. I don’t like dating. I don’t have the time or the energy for it and my worst relationships happened with dating and my best happened by getting to know someone as a friend first.