Last March I wrote a blog titled “You Never Know When The Last Time You Have Sex………Will Be The Last Time You Had Sex“, in which I wrote that was to be my first ever blog because I wanted very much to write about universal topics effecting older people. I went on to state that I lost that first column in my computer and try though we might, neither I nor my wonderful WordPress Coach, Lucy, could find it. I wrote four or five different blogs to get my feet wet, and when I felt I was ready for primetime, I decided to recreate my intended début as best I could. It seemed okay to me and so I published it.
Last week, lo and behold I found the original blog, a hard copy printed out for the very situation I faced. Knowing I could go back and edit the original, I was confident that with a word change here and a comma there it would take no time at all to make it right and no one would be any the wiser. Not so! The original was quite different and so it can now carry out two goals, it can stay a metaphor for life, and a brutal reminder, that law school is no longer an option. If I can not remember my own words how could I remember anyone else’s? So with no further a due here is the original!
You never know when the last time you had sex, will be the last time you have sex……Now that I have your attention, let me say this is not a blog about sex (so sorry). It is simply a metaphor for growing older. Just think about it. Either by death, desertion or disease your sex life can come to an abrupt, untimely end, but isn’t this true in every part of our lives. No one knows what the day will bring as we leave home each morning. Will we get a devastating phone call, will we encounter an old friend and learn bad news about a mutual acquaintance or will we have an accident that forever changes our life? While this is not exclusive to older people, it certainly becomes more probable as we age. Just as our vulnerability increases, our life begins to shrink
I was fortunate to have a very stimulating life, even if I didn’t always know it at the time. I worked as an interior designer, involved in challenging projects with an ever-changing cast of characters. I have spent the last fifteen years as a motivational speaker seeing hundreds of people a week, in other words constantly interacting with a diverse cross-section of the population. I guess I’ll have to adjust to life without an audience or perhaps become a “Kardashian”!I
I have become, perhaps for the first time in my life, frightened…….not of getting sick or even the final indignity death, but of having a very small life!I
My life is now filled with “what ifs”. What if I can’t drive? What if I can’t take care of myself? What if my husband can’t take care of himself? Never mind, I already know what to do in that case, make him dinner and turn on the golf channel. But what if he dies? When I was younger none of these thoughts crossed my mind, now my life is one big What If.
So you can see how I came to my first question about sex, it was just another in along line of What Ifs. I feel this is a common thread for all of us and would love to have your comments on your “what ifs”, lets just hope those comments don’t give me more things to worry about.!!!
Loved your poem and will share with my yoga class tonight!
So, what I hear you saying is that this is unacceptable. Be clear and sure. You are not o.k. with this. If he wants this relationship (with you), he has to take down his profile and just be with you---it's always a risk on both sides. Thanks for fill
Marcia,
Thanks for your insightful comments. The only thing I would say is that I did not meet him on a dating site.
I met him on a holiday - face to face - in the company of friends. We spent two full weeks together all day every day, travelli
SilverFoxy
I understand what you mean….what if this is the last time for things? I didn’t really worry about that until after my mom died three years ago, and I saw my family disintegrate. My sister died four years before that, and my brother is criminally insane. Even though I had two marriages I ended and a boyfriend I really loved die suddenly of pancreatic cancer and it devastated me, I never thought about, what if I can’t drive? What if I can’t see? What if I can’t hear? My hearing is not what it once was, and my eyes have floaters. Phooey. I had already considered being cut down by a stroke, because there are a lot of people with high blood pressure and heart attacks in my family. But I take good care of myself. I live in a rural area, and I want to stay here, even if my husband dies first, but how would I get groceries? What if I need help getting around? Who would feed my pets if something happens to me? Some of this is stuff I figured I would have to deal with someday. Guess what? Like you, someday is here.
One solutions for the shopping – I order food stuff online and it’s delivered. There is no bus service here. Taking a taxi anywhere would cost me a fortune, since I really live in the toolies. Hmmm.
I will work this through, I always do. It’s one of life’s challenges. But…..