Found these on couchsurfing. It was sent in through 50+ travellers. I think I’ll join this subgroup. They seem fun.
The following were complaints received by Thomas Cook (a large UK holiday company) from their customers:
“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
“I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”
“On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”
“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”
A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.
“The beach was too sandy.”
“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”
A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”
“We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”
“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”
“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”
“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying here?”
“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.”
“We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”
“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
“I was bitten by a mosquito – no-one said they could bite.”
“My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
Of course, someone else responded with these good ones:
Questions from potential Australian tourists
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A. Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks (Sweden)?
A. Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A. What did your last slave die of?
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Q. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q. Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A. You are a British politician, right?
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Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A. No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q. I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A. It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q. Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A. Yes, gay night clubs.
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Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A. Only at Christmas.
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Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
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Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A. Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
anir
i use a combo of shea butter and aloe vera moisturizer. Works great. I use shea butter on my lips, around my eyes and nose (dry areas), My father swears by vasoline.
p.s. I dropped your name on Gina's post, Barb. ;)
Anir, Are they smarter than a 5th grader?!…l.o.l….TRACK
You insult 5th graders!!!!
Namaste, Sorry about that…hahaha…TRACK
Namaste and TRACK. No fighting you two!
She started it!
OMG!!! These are hilarious, i have tears running down my face.. thank you anir. I cant wait to share these!! lol!!!