I need to know how to keep going when you feel you have no reason to go on. A year ago my business closed and I was forced to file bankruptcy. I still have tax issues and my house is in foreclosure. I have been unable to find any work that satisfies me and now, the man I love left me. I really don’t know how to find the spiritual lessons or opportunities in any of this. I am 54 and afraid and lonely. But worst of all, I have no drive or passion. I am numb – emotionally, personally, and professionally. I miss loving and being loved, I miss a sense of purpose – a reason to get up. My kids have just moved out into their own homes.
I am sure others have faced far worse and would love to hear their coping skills and how they survived.
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How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
Dacesa22,
I can’t say I have been where you are but have had times when I lost all hope. How I cope is 1) Stay connected to friends & others even when I do not want to 2) Pray & meditate, then pray & meditate some more 3) Take a personal inventory–what do I love to do? what are my goals? what are my basic needs? how did I contribute to my current circumstances & what can I learn here? who can I talk to for guidance regarding my current situation? what can I do to turn things around? 4) I read, read, read lots of spiritual books. Uplifting words come in many packages. 5) No matter what is going on, in this moment, I always have everything I need. 6) Remember that this too shall pass.
Pray for hope. Pray for guidance.
Lightness, when this all began a year ago, I began a spiritual journey to understand the reason for all of this and to acquire coping skills. I have surrendered to the “is-ness” of the situation and have been meditating hoping the universe will show me a sign or provide me with some direction. It seems like things have only gotten worse. Your advice is wonderful. However, I am so unclear and blocked, I can not take a personal inventory – I have no loves, no passion, no goals right now. This has been going on so long, I am tired. I don’t have the desire or energy to even work on discovering what I am supposed to learn from all of this.
I know. Can you go through the motions? Think back to the things you DID enjoy. What were you passionate about? Can anything be revisited…even in a different way? Think like Dori in Finding NEMO “keep swimming, keep swimming” and you will eventually find what you are looking for.
Maybe you mentioned something about this, and I am sorry if I missed it, but have you considered antidepressants? I have to take them from time to time. Mostly because my anxiety level can paralyze me, causing depression. I need to be lifted out of my funk every know and then.
What I have noticed lately is that there are a lot of us who are underemployed or unemployed in this current economic state of the world. I was figting my work situation for over two years, feeling underemployed, underwhelmed, and unsatisfied. I finally applied the serenity prayer and looked at the things I can & can not change. I can not change the economy, I can not change the fact that somehow I turned 50 & younger people seem to get hired more often, but I CAN exercise, take a class or two, eat healthy, along with other things that make me feel vibrant, well, energetic & hopeful.
Keep swimming, Dacesa22,,,how would you comfort a friend going through this? Can you comfort yourself?
You are a gift! Thank you. I just started up my zoloft again because I recognized this all coming to a head. I just saw an intuitive healer today who said I never knew who I was since I was a workaholic and indentified with my career my entire life. Now that I have no career, I don’t know who I am. Therefore, I don’t know what I want. I know she is right…I don’t know what to do with free time. I now have to discover ways to tap into my true self…
Yep. One of the things I figured out in this dark time was how much I identify with “career” to define who I am. The Ekhart Tolle book, A New Awakening (or something like that!) really helped me with this. Stripping the ego of external things that make us feel OK can really be unsettling. I really lost me for awhile. But, you will find your way back. I can feel it in your words.
Great book By Toll..Our egos (edging God out) Also THe Power of NOW ,
I am a big follower of Eckhart and his work got me through a lot of the turmoil last year when my business closed. Perhaps I am too wounded right now to let the words in. This is the first time I have thought “what good is this spirituality doing me?”
As I said, I really lost hope & felt abandoned by life, God, everything over the past couple of years. Between periomenopause/hormones, a career stall, feeling like we have not been making financial progress for the past several years, aging (perceived invisibility), and things not turning around like they always have, I was in a hole.
Things have always worked out in my life, often better than expected, giving me a strong faith that there is a plan that is mutually beneficial for me and the spirit world. But, this past year or two or three has just been silent. Can’t ereally explain it more than that. I feel better now, partly because I am more active (work & exercise & family time) plus taking Celexa has toned down the anxiety. So, I feel better. More hopeful.
Another book I would recommend is by Parker Palmer Let Your Life Speak. He talks about his dark days. It is a very uplifting book about authenticity. I loaned it out otherwise I would re-read it right now. I think you will find gems in his book.
You are a gift! Thank you. I just started up my zoloft again because I recognized this all coming to a head. I just saw an intuitive healer today who said I never knew who I was since I was a workaholic and indentified with my career my entire life. Now that I have no career, I don’t know who I am. Therefore, I don’t know what I want. I know she is right…I don’t know what to do with free time. I now have to discover ways to tap into my true self…
Am with you on the is-ness of the situation and — also just staying afloat. You’ve had so many ‘helps’ from VN — and, as usual — the ladies come through!! For each other and ‘self’
Please, please, please, do not dismiss your ‘self’. You said ‘no loves, no passion, no goals.’ Consider your ‘self’ as the greatest love, the greatest passion and the greatest reason for goals. Sometimes we are thrown into impossible situations so that we can begin to rebuild our ‘selves’ — from the inside out. Your ‘self’ may have been crying out for attention — rather than the attention of others. It’s a great trip and so well worth it.
You can do a personal inventory — start slow — and start with loving yourself – no matter what!!!
Maggie, you are so spot on. Right now I see my lack of worth as the reason all of this happened…failed business, failed relationship. So, I must work through that step of the process to find that me that somehow got lost over the years. But, how? How do you rebuld yourself. I don’t know how to love myself when I feel there is nothing there that other people find to love.
Success is the best revenge. Keep trying, get up everymorning, do your bed… keep your surrounding neat and go out even if is to take a loooong walk. You will not believe what exercise will do for you. You will start getting ideas, write them down. I do not know where you live but open up the EMPLOYMENT AGENCIES page on the yellow pages. Fax your resume to ALL of them. I did that once and within a week somebody was calling. The economy was not as bad as now i presume, but i got results. Plus doing that made me feel proactive. I felt i was doing something for my well being. Trust your resume lists all your good qualities, like managing your own company, doing your financials, etc. DO NOT GIVE UP. One thing good about your post is that your children moved out into their own homes and are now independent. You do not have to worry about them, just you.
you have gotten hit with almost all the major life stresses all at once. Dont beat yourself up for feeling depressed. You wouldnt be human if you werent. HOWEVER I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. When i iam in relapse I lose ambition & drive. The cycle has come and gone so many times that I recognize it now which makes it easier to cope. What I do is eat the elephant one bite at at time. This really helps me. When I am in relapse my daily goals change; just keeping up is an accomplishment. Yet when I am in remission I take on the entire world. make yourself a simple to do list. give yourself a few things you must do each day… forget the bed, work on the job sistuation, keep the dishes and laundry clean. Take an exercise class (great suggestion). Read a good book..or anything else that takes you far far away. I also suffer from chronic pain and when that flairs up the “distraction” mode is a great tool. A book, a movie.. what ever takes me away. Take yourself away from it al. most of all ask for the support you need. The women on this website are here for you. dont be afraid to lean on us
What a beautiful response and I am encouraged by your surrendering gracefully to your situation. I guess losing my relationship was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I like your statement about eating the elephant one bite at a time…the job situation is upsetting because I am so very skilled and am reduced to looking at ads for selling credit card processing! And, I can’t do it. Not at this point in my life…
dacesa, this is really more than anyone should be handling alone. please find someone who can and will listen to you in person and hear your heart and soul. life has a way of renewing itself in any situation, but it is best to be fully heard. God bless you!
Breathe. Just breathe. It IS just f’ing awful right now, but it won’t last. Things WILL get better, and you will have wonderful days again. So breathe. Take it one day, one hour at a time. Exercise, eat right, keep good friends nearby, and take on only one battle at a time. I swear and promise that one day you will look back on this time and give thanks, because these hideous times are what make us appreciate those pure joys that come along. Your first grandchild. A new, fulfilling passion. Trust us. We’ve been there in one way or another. And p.s., a man who leaves when you’re down isn’t worth having. Alone is better, and you’ll be fine. You are strong, you can do this. Breathe.
It sounds like you have gone through some of your own trials and tribulations. I somehow, right now, and for the first time, lack the belief that there is anything to look forward to even after I manage to make it through all the pain. I have been alone most of my adult life and it was nice loving someone and feeling loved. That kind of made it seem like everything would work out. So, perhaps the lonelines from that has made it seem impossible to tackle all the rest of my situation by myself. I will breathe, I will force myself to breathe and stay in the moment. thank you…
I have indeed, and it’s almost impossible now to recall the pain, but reading your original post brought back the feelings like a tidal wave. I know you can’t imagine ever feeling whole again, let alone happy. So just trust us, because you will, and you’ll be writing to someone who needs YOU for your experience. Time will pass whether you want it to or not, and the pain will ease. Good things will come. If I made it, you can. Some of the women on VN made it through much worse than I ever imagined. We are invincible. We really are.
What scares me right now is that I don’t want to do anything. I have received numerous wonderful sugestions from the miraculous VN ladies, but inside of me is dead and has no desire to even get off the couch. A lot of my spiritual readings say ‘stay in the now’ and don’t think ahead. I did that last year and look where I am now, in a worse place. Plus, the universe threw me love and snatched it away. When you had your “Dark Night of the Soul” did you feel “stuck” or “numb” or whatever the word is for this inertia? Does it take time to heal before you can advance?
Sometimes just getting out of bed is too hard. And maybe it’s ok for now to just give yourself some time to grieve. What if you declare a time period — arbitrary, say a week — for true, genuine, my-life-is-awful wallowing? You could stop showering, forget about washing your hair, stay in bed all day in the same grubby nighty, and think about all you’ve lost. Concentrate on only those things that have produced this hideous numbness. Banish any thought of sunshine, flowers, friendship, joy, laughter, love, etc. Just let it all out. Cry, mourn. But the time limit should be real and respected, whatever you set. At the end, you get up, dust yourself off, and move on. Life!! Get a haircut, a mani/pedi, a new outfit, and move. Go help build a Habitat house or volunteer in a shelter, or find a way to get out of your own head and into the world again.
All of the above is from a true amateur. I know nothing, I’m not a counselor, and you should know that my advice is worth exactly what you are paying for it; I’ve just been through a great deal and am happier now than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Content, joyous, and free. I want you to know how it feels.
You are providing me with exactly what I hoped I would hear – things will be better than ever. I am just thinking too much about everything. I thought of the Peace Corps and then I think about being away from my kids and then how hard it would be to start my life back up in two years. But, I am facing everything with fear. I can’t beleive I can be so afraid of change when my whole life has been full of it. I think this time it isn’t passion driven or of choice.
Since I wrote the first statement, I have gone to an intuitive healer, had reiki done, and meditated, meditated, and medicated. I don’t understand how I can wake up in the morning with a sick pit in my stomach when I haven’t even thought a thought!
I am reading The Power of Now again and Return to Love by Marianne Willliamson. KGrandma, thank you – you are an inspiration and I love you for all your compassion!
Dacesa22… I have been where you are, plus. This is a hard time, but you can and will get through it. If you are working now, keep working. Do not leave your job until you have another. The economy right now is too hard to job hop. If you are not working, beat the concrete, send faxes, make calls, look online. If you can’t find work.. Volunteer! You must keep your resume active and show job history. Volunteer is better than nothing on your resume, with the added benefit of giving you something to do and something else to focus on. Spend time with family and friends who love you. If your friends left with your guy, make new friends. Do not give in to despair! If you are depressed, there’s no shame in seeing a doctor for help to get through the physical and mental depression. Don’t wait to get help. Lean on your family and friends, cultivate online friendships. They can literally be a lifesaver. Do you have a pet? If not, think about getting one. I personally like cats because they are self-cleaning and usually handle being left alone while you’re at work better. You can and will get through this! I did it at 50, you can do it at 54. I will be happy to give you my email addy if you want/need it. Do not sit home alone. Get up, get out, get moving, plaster a fake smile on your face and pretend it is real while you heal. Before you know it, it will be. I am so sorry you are going through this. But remember that you will get through it. You are a worthwhile person. Things happen to everybody. You are just getting a lot of yours out of the way. Please remember we are here for you.
Dacesa22… I forgot to mention something else. When I lost all those people, places, purposes, and plans, I felt very adrift. All my anchors were gone. To help me feel more in control, I spent some time working on lists. I made lists of what I believed (a moral code of sorts), what wanted from life, my personality and character strengths and weaknesses, what of them I wanted to strengthen or release. I made lists of my assets, possessions and skills. I made lists of people I felt I could still count on (very short one), and lists of what I needed to do for the other people in my life to lessen their trauma about my life changes. I also made a list of professional goals and what steps were needed to reach them. Then I made a list of all my lists and indexed them. Just taking the time to think through each list brought some clarity and realization that I had more than I thought. Now is your opportunity to remake yourself into whatever you desire to be. When you finish the lists, you will have a better understanding of what that is. You will get through this. You will come out stronger on the other side like tempered steel, and shining like tempered silver. This feels like many disasters rolled into one, but it’s actually many opportunities. And I agree with earlier posts, any man who won’t stick by you through this is not a man you want anyway. Trust me on this. There are lots of better men out there looking for you! Hang in there, sister! Buy a notebook and get started on those lists.
I am afraid I already left a job I got this year…too many hours, too little pay, and it made me feel inauthentic and sad. I have worked hard all my life and now want something that will be fulfilling and with purpose. I am not driven to be rich and famous…just content and at peace. After all of this, I want simplicity. The hardest thing right now, and the only thing that seems at all humanly possible, is to “get up and get out” as you advise. I will be acting out being a “normal’ person in what seems like a surreal world right now. The emptiness inside of me and outside in the world is overwhelming right now. Thank you for “being sorry” and for being there and I would love to hear more about your life adventure…
Wow, life has sure handed you a raw deal. When life is like this you can only think about getting to the next minute. It hurts too much to think about the long term. I literally hung in there minute to minute. It’s horrible. Just horrible. My heart aches for you. Finding a place to live would be my first priority. One step at a time. Are you working? You need some support from friends and family. Do your kids know you are in this situation? Please reach out to them. Talk to someone. Find resources. Keep us posted.
Thank you for sharing. And I can just sense that you have gone through pain yourself. The beauty of all these responses have really made me feel like I am not alone. What positive energy is coming my way from it! In response to your question, I currently have an independent sales job which does not pay enough…it just gives me something to do and more experience. A year ago I entertained the notion of getting a master’s degree and going into counseling, something that speaks to my soul. I got discouraged when I couldn’t find a way of obtaining a grant…the last thing I wanted was another debt! Freelance writing is another pull…I think I am petrified of letting go of life as I know it (eventho it sucks) and afraid of failure moving forward. Perhaps it is time for a leap of faith.
Dear Dacesa22
My heart goes out to you ..it seems to much for someone to bare…but you are stronger, and more capable than you believe, or can see because of the “smoke”(lifes’s issues and problems) that clouds your vision. When ever you can take the time to breathed long and hard and release and think of one thing you can be grateful for each day as away of knowing you are not forgotten and are loved, you are what I call in the recycle of your life,,,I believe you will come out of it with a story to share with us…I cn’t suggest drugs or pills as I am not equipped with that information or take anything personally, I keep myself quite and surround myself with people who are loving and positive with information as you will find on this thread,
There is a book given to me I truly Loved the work in this book..I in turn gave it to two people they have called me and thanked me and praised the Simplicity of the ability to learn how to go “Down Stream” instead of “Up Stream”
Please try and get this book THE ASTONISHING POWER OF EMOTIONS by Esther and Jerry HIcks there is a CD included ..I believe it will be a help to you in this time of your personal “storm”. I wish I could give you a hug and stay it will be alright ..the best I can do is put you on my list of sisters for more Love and help to come their way .
Peace Health Wealth and Love to you
Fayette
I am going to ordder the book today! Thanks. I found a woman’s spiritual support group that begins meeting next Wednesday night. I have to use this time to find my true self, if I don’t keep busy, I have too much time to think sad thoughts! Yet, I also know I need time for self discovery. I thank all the powerful women who have responded and I hope, in a matter of months, I will be reporting positive news…and I have all of you to thank.