A Lesson From The Streets from a HOMELESS WOMAN
There is a woman who has made a career of begging as she has been “homeless “ for over 20 years….She has an addiction and do not want to abide by the rules of shelters or her children so the streets is her way of being “free” to live her life as she chooses.
I did not know her history at the time, I passed her many times and never gave her a dime…mainly because she had gotten so comfortable that she had a corner she “owned “and sat on her box and you would have to nearly get out of the car to give her a donation…I felt she could at least come to the window…
One day as faith would have it… she came up to my window I had just sold a large painting and was feeling very blessed and whenever I get money , one of my first thoughts is who can I help by giving them part of what I call my “personal tithe” to help others in need.
As she stood at my vehicle’s door I smiled and gave her a twenty dollar bill…she looked at it and her eyes lit up a she said with enthusiasm “where have you been all my life?”…. I had been right there in her life everyday, she did not notice me because I gave her nothing until that day…. Now I was somebody in her life, but I really wasn’t anybody in her life except only for that special day…
It was all the people who had regularly dropped by and gave her a quarter or a dollar, she may have never received no more than a 5 dollar bill at anyone time…but it was all those people giving her a little each day that kept her sustained for twenty years!!!, not me…Her gratitude was being placed in the wrong place
I drove away with thoughts running thru my mind, it was an example of something that I had seen in the organizations that my Spouse and I had done thousands of dollars worth of labor and gave in building material and services, but it was shown to me in a smaller light.
It reminded me of the joy I saw come across the face of the person in charge of a project speak loudly and proudly of the occasional politician or business person who would come in a drop off a check donation and was shown far more appreciation than the people who gave up their Saturday and Sundays laboring to make the project work…the check would not compensate one days labor of the people who were really making things happen.
This lesson has made me aware to not just give a person my gratitude based on a seemingly large amount, that is given to me one and maybe only one time, How many people in your life have you taken for granted because they “gave you so little” and then praise the one who give so much…but it has been the little on a regular basis … the ones of whom is really there and adds up to so much more
1. Consistency count
2. be grateful for the “regular people” in my life.
3. Make being given to … easy on the giver
4. Appreciation for all gifts…
(I never gave the homeless lady any money again …as when she would see me I felt she would be expecting what I was not willing to give her on a regular basis…And she still sat by the road …as knowing that some would go out of their way to throw or strength out their arms usually holding up traffic as she would then get up to get the coins.)
Thanks are always to given …no matter how small the gift may be.
I will end this homeless story with a bit of humor.
My husband gives to people on the corner much more than I ….I like the ones who have pencils or flowers or something to sell …or I feel the urge to give and I will turn around and drive back do that when the “spirit hits me”.
One day this lady (another woman) a regular on the corner on our way home…He gave her a dollar and she looked at it and said “oooooooooooooh a dollar!! (With sarcasm)
My husband was so upset it was a long time before he ever gave her again. And the leg she use to drag behind her one day I guess she forgot and was dragging the other leg….
So there is much game on the corners and there are some who really do need help…I believe there should be something in place maybe where homeless people could be used to clean the street corners where they beg and business people in the area could contribute in food, money or service to help them (just a thought)
And I believe more people would donate to people standing with a sense of dignity in a clean area that shows that they do want to do what they can, and of course I know that some are mentally ill and that is another post altogether.
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Hi Fay, I believe ” Caring regular people!” are not appreciated, we are not to despise small gifts…thanks for bring this to our attention…TRACK
You two are.
Thanks Kate
And a good day to you too..Track, we can learn from everything we do if we just stop and take time to smell, pick, pluck, cut, water, plant the roses!!!! @:}
Being Regular is not as regular as we think, we fill that special void that would go empty in many people lives while waiting for handouts from government and sometimes family and friends.
Love this — you make ‘follow your heart’ soooo important. As you said — it all depends on circumstances of the day, my health and attitude. Many thanks as usual!
Thanks Maggie
On my route to one of my jobs there is a man who takes a regular spot on Roncesvales Avenue to beg. He uses a lock to keep his plastic milk carton in place next to a parking meter. He is polite and well spoken and doesn’t appear to be doing drugs. Begging is his full time job. I have to wonder how, if he can put in those hours every day, he can’t just do a job. I don’t know his story but I smell a scam. I throw him the odd quarter or two – because the bible says give to those who ask of you. I’d love to know his whole story. I think one of these days I might ask him if he’d like a coffee and sit down with him and ask him his story. He loves to talk to people so it should be no problem. Toronto has so many beggars, it’s so sad. Most of them are obviously mentally ill and aren’t getting the help they need. We have a huge project going on here in Toronto. It’s called CAMH – Center for addiction and mental health. They are pouring millions into this project to revitalize the mental health care that is currently being offered. But all that money hasn’t seen any fewer beggars in the street. I feel sorry for them but I can’t give to them all. I can’t even light a ciggarette at a bus stop any more without someone asking me for a ciggarette. When we have an extreme cold alert we have squads of volunteers who drive around looking for homeless people and getting them into shelters. As I walk home snug in my warm clothes with a decent home to go to it knaws on me that we have this misery.
Toronto is a prosperous city. We should have a better response to homelessness. Welfare rates are so low that many of the unfortunate can’t pay rent and still eat. So they end up on the street. It’s that simple. We are always going to have people who can’t manage work. We need housing for them. That’s where I think the government needs to step up to bat. I have a brother who is mentally ill. He manages on a pension and a subsidized apartment. Those aids allow him to live in dignity. My father sends me emergency money to help tide him over if he runs out. That usually means I take a load of food to him and give him some cash. Having seen the struggle of the homelessness in our city to me is our shame. I’m not a bleeding heart liberal, just realistic. We will always have unfortunate persons and as the populations of cities gets larger we see more of them.
I’m glad you helped that woman. I go further. I write to my MPP and voice my opinion. Advocating for the poor is my way to contribute to this miserable situation in a way that goes beyond a few coins.
I believe there should be some method to make a difference…. There are way too many homeless people and it says more about “the frame of mind “we are living in a time when people are’t comfortable in taking in people for temporary housing …and you can understand why… with the crime that are committed everyday.
Very well viewed and related FayetteSIPP.
My head of staff recently granted me something I had asked of her. I thought she was ‘great’ to have given me so much. Reading your post, I realised that the great people at my workplace are the ones who have accomodated my work needs/scheduling changes, in smaller ways over the last 10 years I have worked with them, and not the person who did me this ‘one’ time big favor.
Thanks for the reminder.
anir
I am glad you got the lesson that I got from my experience….Big givers are great to give the “lift you need” , but it is the consistency of the faithful and the regular givers that keep yo going,(AF)
Years ago, my husband received a call from a religious organization asking us for a donation. We did not have a lot of money but he still pledged a $50 donation. The man’s reply to my husband was, “Is that the best you can do. Can’t you give more?” It was a very insensitive response….
I believe that every person’s generous act is important. I think sometimes we forget that.
I also believe that it is the hard working person (not always the rich) who is often the first to reach into their wallet and share what little they have with the less fortunate. I have witnessed this time and time again.
When all the rhetoric is said there still remains the problem of homelessness and hunger. If you’ve ever been homeless ( I have) you realize that the safety net is critical to our society. If you’ve ever struggled with a mental disease (I have) you know that clawing your way to being functional can be a very hard journey.
I think we are abhorred by the cruelty of homelessness and settle on trite anecdotes to alleviate our conscious. I don’t want to offend but homelessness and hunger are the diseases of apathy and indifference. Ignorance is one of the horsemen of this problem. We equate mental disease with laziness. That is an ignorant mistake. Who in their right mind would chose a subway vent to stay warm when it’s 14 below zero?
But for the grace of God, there I could be – homeless and in the cold. My way to be grateful is to lobby for the compassion of our legislators. I’ve lived a life that was balanced on the border of being a dysfunctional bi-polar and overcoming that disability with intelligence and medication. I don’t just advocate for mercy – I understand from experience what it means to be dysfunctional.
I wasn’t making a trite anecdote to alleviate my conscious….I was just agreeing with what you said to anir about the regular givers. Every person’s monetary gift(no matter what amount) can make a difference to a person in need.
I don’t think Granny thought you were being trite…sometimes when some experience things and other try to understand them , they who experience it sees it in more deep details…I understand exactly what you meant…and it is the regular hard working people who give and give on a more regular basis… and grannyinl point is the need is great and more help of prevention is needed..
Thanks for your response,
Debi darling I would never insult you. I already know you to be a soulful and compassionate woman. I just hate the way the poor get treated. My comments were general. We have a very poor response to homelessness in Toronto. One of the things we need the most is housing – a thing the Government drags it’s heels on. I move around the city quite a bit and there is so much suffering. It knaws on me that a nation as rich as Canada treats it’s poor so badly. Sometimes the shelters are all full and they have to open up emergency shelters when we get exrreme cold alerts. I just find this whole topic depressing and angering. You were getting my passion about the treatment of homelessness, not a personal attack. Please forgive me if I offended you.
You know granny whenever I see especially a woman on the street I say a silent prayer for that woman because that is just what I think …Except for the grace of GOD goes I..
I would like to share something with you,Your experience I am sure was a horrible one, and thank GOD that you got through it,,I believe that whenever we “suffer ‘or experience something that is life threatening or life changing it becomes our “lot ” in life to help change it with all that we can do , many people don’t understand that principle but many do and you are one…but everybody cannot be an advocate for one unfortunate situation …so each of us have to take that which is placed upon us and try to make a difference. We lost our home when I was five years old and my mother never had a home, and after about 11 years in a rent house and being told that the rent would double on her fixed income it made he so sick and I believe it attributed to her heart attack as she did not want at move at her age,.
So her move was to the morgue and never to be moved again…The pain of seeing her removed that way was so painful for me.
Growing up without home ownership (and poor), and being tossed about from house to house at the time of my father death we were homeless, and living with my mother’s sister…the same sister who lived with her when she (my mother) had a home.. I work hard to teach the importance of owing homes and I help many people to maintain their homes , over the years
My brother had a colostomy and was treated poorly, i took as a “fight” to change the system and named it as a law called Isaac’s Law to go before congress, to stop prescriptions on personal items like colostomy bags!!
I could go on and on and I am sure many ladies on these threads fight for something that has affected them…
I believe that is why we have to “suffer” to look out for others who are weaker than those who survive…and when money is needed to make many things happen suffering happen to the rich and guess what? many will put money into that cause….
I said all of that to say this… don’t feel that the “rhetoric ” does not help trust me …I read a book of 564 pages in one night and my whole life was turned around, so when we express what we see it does not mean we do not want to go farther and help… but each of us is called to do what we are called to do…yours is what you do and you do it so well, and I am glad you do , I work with homeless women in shelters , my heart goes out to them. When I see a lady on the street, dirty and hopeless looking I give when I can , and I pray and I do not judge her Because at one time she was a desirable young woman and usually something happens in her life that led her to where she is and she could be me and in many ways is except for the Grace of GOD there goes us all.!! Thanks grannyinl , and you are so right no one would chose that life in a sane mind…and experience for the victor is the gift of understanding and compassion,
Peace Health Wealth and LOve
A. Fayette
Love your topic. There was a limping unshaven man walking back and forth in front of the entrance to a local mall here in my small town…his sign said….home burned down lost everything….the traffic light made it necessary for the cars to stop and he was right there peering in their windows. What bothered me is that the same man with the same sign was there in that same spot one year ago, and I felt bad and gave him $5. This year I was less inclined as he should have gotten a job by now…not his annual panhandling. My little town has its share of chronic street people living in the shelter and when given job offers, they turn them down….they all have dunkin donuts coffee and cell phones and cigarettes….that is what stops man hardworking caring people from giving them handouts.
I have always given money to anyone asking. Why? I don’t know their circumstances, and if they choose to use the money unwisely, that is their stuff.
I know there are some cons out there…we had a toothless young lady enter our subway car in NYC and put on a full blown production about needing food for her kiddos for thanksgiving…she should have been an actress….she was very good at pleading….I gave her what I could as did one other person out of about 20….she deserved something just for the acting. We do never know if they are sincere and in need. I used to have a problem giving to those at the soup kitchen because in my small town I knew many of them who could work and refused to. Then one day I saw many kiddos in the line and realized I am giving for them….those without a voice or a choice….and it took away all my doubts about whether my money was really helping anyone in need.
Thank You so much Weezy This is what we are here for… to share our many years of experience and be reminded that we are all at one time or another disappointed by people we hold in high esteem, but greed is as free as the air we breathe and it lends its self to any of us at different times (AF)…We have to keep reminding ourselves our purpose and use the “gut” feeling that is given us for self preservation.
I understand, where you are coming from it is always a problem to separate the needy from the greedy…I go by my gut feelings and if someone is wrong and not in need…that is where Karma comes in. Trying to judge by what they have or by what they don’t have is hard for me….If I were homeless the one thing I would want ts a cell phone @:) When a person is really out and down I cannot personally judge them by what it seem they may have but….I do go by that gut feeling to give…and that makes me feel better if I do my part …it does not hurt me…Positive Karma of intent is a good thing.
Thank you fayette. I believe I try to over analyze situations, and should give unconditionally. My church pastor took much cash that was not his from the church funds and was ousted with criminal charges against him. I saw so many devoted giving members leave the church hurt, which is why I sometimes question others’ motives. We are all on this earth to learn, and I enjoy reading and posting and learning from one another here how to maneuver this journey with a heart of gratitude !
You are welcome,Weezy , when I post these subjects it helps me to be better in my thinking and reactions to different situations , there is so much wisdom to be gotten on VN , We just have to jump in and share our experiences with out judgment on one another…I learn each day I open up to the universe about life and giving.
Here’s another, only slightly off topic, detail. I just read about some research that showed that giving actually DOES make us feel better. It releases seratonin in the brain, a chemical that can give us a feeling of being up and happy.
It really is on the topic Kate …Just add another reason to help the poor and how giving gives back
Wayne Dyers was on PBS and mention it not only make the beggar feels good but the giver and those who stand by as they see the intention of goodwill…We are more connected sometimes than we realize ..
And yes it does have to do with the chemical changes that occur in our bodies…..
I have a daughter that is “drawn to helping homeless people and those that are neglected by the masses…She told me of the story of a friend of hers who had a brother who was on drugs and lived on the streets , when was arrested and could not get drugs , he explained to his sister that he would not make it out of jail because he needed the drugs, he did die of a “heart Attack”( caused by his body reaction to withdrawals from drugs without supervision,
My daughter explained that the homeless man’s sister said he told her sometimes that one dollar that is given to a homeless person , is the dollar that sometimes saves the life of an addict giving him or her another importunity to live and get maybe get help….we never know , so , we act on faith , and guts, and our personal principles to help or not to help.
Hi Fayette, I come late to this topic as I have been away from the site…for a little while…just buesy and sad…but I so so take away a valuable lesson from what you have written for what you say is so true and so elequently said…Thank you.
Pinkim.
Thanks Pinkim , I have missed seeing your post, glad to have you back”
When ever we are going through some ahrd times or just sad times, we need to ask ourselves….
what lesson is in this for me?”
It may be painful or just uncomfortable….there is a lesson, and once we see it we have given ourselves more strength to move and enjoy the sun.
Pikim, excuse me …I had to comeback and address your” sadness,”
I hope you are feeling better, and the best way to get rid of sadness is to began to count your blessing , name then one by one count your many blessings see what GOD has done….(smile) even as little kids we had the answers to our problems. I just remembered this one while writing it was a song we sang…and it still works.
Just remember without some saddness ..we would not know JOY
Love Peace Wealth And Health
A Fayette
Thank you Fayette, I do believe you are one of the joys in this world of ours…
So are you ,Pinkim
Thanks Fayette you are kind.
She absolutely is. My world has been measurably better since she walked into it.
That was me loving your comment…
That was me saying the feeling is soooooooo mutal.
lol…
I loved reading this post and all of the comments that followed. It made me think of three experiences and the lessons I learned from them , which are a little on the other end of the spectrum.
Many years ago when I was going downtown to the newspaper to place an ad, I saw an elderly woman standing in the bitter cold without a coat. The key is I “saw” her. I wondered where her coat was and who would allow her to be outside without one. As I parked and went into the newspaper, I felt an inner nudge to give her my coat. As I stood in line, I thought about if I gave her my coat, what would I wear? I was in line for about 10 minutes and I could see her through the window. By the time I got to the counter, I remembered that I did have another coat to wear and decided that I would give her my coat. I paid for the ad, drew upon my courage and went outside to offer her my coat. She was no where in sight! I drove around looking for her and found no trace of her, like she had completely vanished! I agonized for a little while over it because I wondered if God had placed her in my pathway to be her helper and I had “missed’ the opportunity to help. I wondered if she would freeze because no one else might offer her warmth. That experience stayed with me and bothered me for a long time. I made up my mind that next time, I would act immediately to help.
Fast forward about 20 years. I went on a much needed vacation and enroute, decided that I would stop at a dollar store and get a couple of writing tablets to journal in. As I came off the exit and turned into the strip mall, I saw a lady standing beside a van, holding up a sign that said, “STRANDED, NEED HELP TO GET BACK TO MICHIGAN”. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the real reason I’d gotten off the exit was not because of writing tablets, but because I had a divine assignment…this woman. I didn’t have cash, so I went to the service station and charged the gas and instructed the attendant to honor the receipt. He pleaded with me not to do it because it might be a scam. It didn’t matter. I felt in my heart that I was dispatched to be a Good Samaritan to that woman. Somewhere inside me, I felt like she was me. Maybe not at the time when I bought the gas, but I remember the former days in my life when I struggled and was challenged on every front and strangers – I call them angels- were placed in my pathway and they helped me. I felt it was my turn to give something back. And I remember that lady who stood in the cold without a coat and never wanted to feel like I’d missed an opportunity to help another person, especially a woman in need.
What I didn’t realize was the ripple effect that one small act of kindness would have in my life. That was the year 2004. In 2008 I accidentally or providentially found the journal that I wrote the story about what had happened with the lady with the sign. I shared it with a friend who shared it on his blog. It was shared on Heartwarmers.com and I got several emails about it…whether to help or not to help…feeling inspired about the story. It made me warm and fuzzy to know that it had touched someone, but I just saw it as helping the people that are on our pathway. My belief is that God placed them there in the first place and if we “see” them, then we are in a position to make a difference, since we as people are the hands and instruments God uses for answered prayers. But the choice is entirely up to us to act.
Also in 2008, I said a prayer asking God for a sign to confirm that I was to move forward and take a leap of faith to write books and start my women’s ministry. I’m normally not one for a sign, but I wanted to be sure because it would be a big step. One month later, I received the answer. I got an email from around the world, a young woman from the Philippines had found that story about the lady who was stranded, it led her to my website and she poured her heart out to me. She told me she was so grateful to have found the website and how much the story and my inspirational writing had helped and encouraged her. It began a two year mentoring and friendship between us.
Who would have thought that just being a Good Samaritan and sharing the story would connect me to someone from around the world. Her email name was leap of faith. We wrote each other for two years and I’m about to publish our book of letters entitled Leap of Faith. Our story really began the day I stopped to help the lady that held the “stranded sign”. That one act led to me walking away from life as I know it and starting over this year. (2011) It led to me writing my first (of many more to come) books.
When I finished the book, during Christmas, I realized that every woman holds a (sometimes invisible) sign up in her life. It doesn’t have to necessarily be on a piece of cardboard, but we all have needs despite the human condition we find ourselves in at any given time. As it has been said several times already, there but by the grace of God go I. I’m grateful that I’ve learned to see those invisible signs and make a difference. In my heart, based on my experiences, I feel it is just as noble and kind to help someone who is down on their luck, homeless or otherwise, as it is to give our neighbor a cup of sugar. If someone is on our pathway, maybe they’ve been put there for a purpose much larger than just what is obvious. I also think that sometimes they are put there to show us our own heart and point of view and maybe even that we have to take the equal look within. I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes because we never know what hand life will deal to us and if it was me, I’d want someone to help and I’d trust that a Good Samaritan would come along.
The third and final situation was a letter that I wrote to my email readers a couple of Christmases ago, entitled “Help A Stranger This Christmas”. I wrote a very eloquent article about helping the less fortunate at Christmas and what a boost it would be for them and for us. Just days after writing it, I got tested on the very same message. A woman was walking the parking lot, going from car to car asking for help. At the time, my license plates had LIVE2GIVE on them. She asked for $10 and I honestly didn’t have $10 in cash and my Mom and I went into the store. I didn’t “see” this woman even though she was in front of me. Quite frankly, I wasn’t sure whether her motives were honest or not. But as soon as I stepped across the threshold, it hit me…I had just written an article saying help a stranger at Christmas, a stranger approached me and I kept on moving. Immediately I realized I’d missed an opportunity to practice what I preached and I remembered some coins in my glove box. I saw the woman and walked briskly to find her. Once again, it was as if she vanished! I couldln’t find her anywhere! I chalked it up as a reminder to follow my heart, but also to live what I talk about.
Sometimes when we help strangers, we are entertaining angels unaware.
On a final note I remember thinking about the guy with the Golden Voice and how phenomenal it was that he was discovered. It was miraculous! Who would think a person with a voice like that would be in dire straits? As the newscasters interviewed him, they all went to the question of is it too much too soon, can you handle this, relapse, etc. I saw it from a different point of view. Although I don’t think that a person “chooses” in reality to be homeless, I wondered how long they (newscasters) might be able to survive in a setting like that. What fortitude and depth it must take to endure that everyday, day in and day out. I think they possess a resourcefulness and strength of heart that that we may never know because we’ve not been exposed to having to live at the edge of life. That hand has not been dealt to us. I do know that I gained a profound and deeper respect for people down on their luck after going through three years of a very tough transition from where money flowed like a river to where there was a drought in the land, at least in my world. When life changes, how we view it changes.
Thanks for sharing your lessons and creating a dialogue about what we can learn from one another. I think our lessons come from where we stand in time at the moment we experience things and from our life view. We just never know the bigger impact of one small act…be it $1 or $20. And you never know when God is using you to be the answer to someone’s heartfelt prayer. It may not have been by accident that she came across your pathway and you never know the ripple effect from your generosity. I’m glad you followed your heart.