This weekend, Maureen Dowd wrote a New York Times column called “Blue is the New Black,” in which she interpreted some recent studies to assert that women in America are getting less happy as they age.
What does Dowd think causes this gender-imbalance? Women have too many choices; it is harder to find satisfaction in more complicated lives; they are less attractive than men as they age; and it is harder for them to find mates.
It is hard not to believe that Dowd’s column says more about herself than women in general; maybe that is the point.
What is more confusing is the column that Dowd cites, a column written on the Huffington Post by…a man, motivational speaker Marcus Buckingham.
In Buckingham’s post, “What’s Happening to Women’s Happiness?” he refers to the same studies, which show a gradual decline in female happiness over the last 35 years. Buckingham also cites the same studies for the proposition that women’s happiness decreases as they age; he says that women get unhappier than men around the age 47.
I beg to differ, for a couple of reasons. First of all, at VibrantNation.com, we see women face challenges as they age with an attitude that seems full of confidence and balance; they also gain strength from the support of other women. They seem wise from experience, but not unhappy.
Second, the studies Dowd and Buckingham cite show such a small decline in “happiness” over the years to be statistically dubious. A 10% decline in self-defined happiness over 35 years may say more about what happiness means than about how much women experience it.
And even if these studies are true, what would it mean for companies who seek to do business with the desirable Boomer woman consumer?
Nothing, as far as this man can tell. While marketers frequently use fear and doubt to motivate consumer behavior, we know that Vibrant Women want more than fear and doubt; they want marketers to confirm that they can overcome their challenges. They want marketers to recognize their ability to find happiness in life wherever it may lie.
And, finally, if these women are feeling unhappy, it may be because marketers consistently tell them that they must regret the losses caused by aging. Maybe delivering a message that women over 50 deserve to be happy for all they can still accomplish in life will not just be good for business; maybe it will actually make them happier, too.
thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
Maureen Dowd must live in a parallel universe. She doesn’t know my friends.
I’d like to suggest the misogyny behind the giant pharmaceutical companies plays a part in this, as you suggested above when you mention marketing to consumers. If I took a pill for every ailment drug companies tell me I can expect me to encounter by this age, I’d have no time to do anything but take pills.
I don’t think in trends and I don’t act as a group. I live my life, make my choices, spend time with people whose energy enlivens me, and let them catch me if I stumble. Mainly, though, I concentrate on everything I just mentioned except for the stumbling part, which usually serves (even if eventually) to make us laugh so hard we cry. Do we need medication for that?
I wonder what she means by happy, anyway. In order for anyone to reach complete contentment, time would have to stop as soon as everything gets just the way she likes it. There’s another way to describe the stopping of time: death.
I wish Maureen Dowd (and anyone with a pen who is also so inclined) would relieve herself of the burden of thinking for me and spare herself the trouble of telling the world what I think and feel. I’ll do it on my own behalf.
And by the way, who conducted all these studies she based her analysis upon? Who underwrote them? Drug companies? Just wondering.
As Yogi Berra said, Include me out.
When marketers start marketing to REAL women with REAL lives then maybe we will listen. We are not all the same, we don’t fit into a mold. We are short, tall, thin, thick, wide, slim, smart, adventurous, business oriented, organized, confused, crafty, creative, intuitive, strong, weak, honest, thoughtful, loving and so many other words !!!
Each one of us is who we are because of the experiences we’ve had in our lives, the people we’ve known and because of the challenges we’ve faced and overcome or not overcome. Happiness is a matter of being comfortable with who you are right NOW. Was I happy 20 years ago, YES. Am I happy NOW…. in a different state, with a different spouse, different co-workers, different job, different interests… YES !! Was there a time when I was not happy…. YOU BET !! Do I have regrets… YES, but I can’t change those things now, I can only learn from them and make better choices because of it.
It’s called LIFE.
Maybe they just didn’t inteview the right women !
believe it. There are many reasons including the empty nest syndrome and aging parents to be taken into consideration as well as our own aging.
all depends unhappy with what???
i totaly agree alot of it is looking back and wondering if i should have done things differentley and feeling like i gave alot up for those who never appreciated any of it. when i could have followed my own dreams if i’d taken a different path. this has made me feel very un happy in recent years and the empty nest thing ate at me because i did not know any thing else out side of my children i lived and breathed for them.
I agree…we have more aches and pains…empty nest syndrome…aging parents.
it seems harder to find happiness in what once brought you joy.And then all the other things that go with aging. Empty nest; aches and pains you never had before; you look in the mirror one day and are like “Holy crap! how did I get to be this age??” But having said that, I believe there is LOTS of potential as we get older. More freedom from certain responsibilities and more time.
I do not agree. I’m 55 and happy as can be. Things have been better and things have been worse. We’d all be a lot happier if we stop all the complaining and be grateful God has given us another glorious day above ground!
Once I became an empty nester a month ago, I realized I’m running out of time, sadness is with me, but faith holds me strong. I’ve found the love of my life too, but he works out of town so loneliness is a problem a lot too. I guess I’m getting stronger, joined a Bible Study, joining a yoga class…work is harder due to this economy, but I’m healthy and with that I guess I have it all…if I could figure out what ‘all’ is!!
For me personally, get older is GOOD. I really don’t care what people think of me. I didn’t get here by thinking that! I don’t color my hair, I like my grey hair. My joy comes from my grandkids! Life is what you and God make of it. ENJOY
I think that as women we take responsibility for more than our share, and as we get older we tend to feel like failures as we look back at our lives. It is also true I think that empty nesters can feel disconnected and without purpose once our children are on their own. However ladies there is a light at the end of the tunnel GRANDCHILDREN once they come alone life changes again, so I personally think that marketers should ignore the studies. We do tend to get depressed but it is temporary
i don’t think acknowledging what we feel is complaining. Once you recognize it you can move forward. I do feel as you do Andrea…I am very grateful to God for giving me one more day above ground.
me too; I am content.
i thounght this was what this sight was for to share our feelings as older women. if i seem to be complaining then i,m on the wrong sight. i was simply stating my opinion to the unhappinessness of women as they get older. what i feel made me that way . after all i think thats what makes women so special they arn’t afraid of sharing there fellings.
I personally am much happier with who I am as a person at 40 than I was in my 20′s. I married at 22 and here I am 18 years later feeling better than ever. I believe we bring on the craziness, and being overwhelmed onto ourselves. I have learned to stop, breathe and be more calm and appreciate all that I have. Sure I have aches and pains and think about my aging parents. That’s life. Then again I have also learned to live one day at a time.
I think society still shows us that we should be young and skinny and perfect and when your in your 50ies and 60ies that just ain’t happening anymore at least for those of us who don’t have a lot of money for plastic surgery so the result is unhappiness.
I DON’T AGREE-I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH MY OWN SKIN OR MORE CALM AND CONFIDENT ABOUT THE FUTURE-I HAVE DONE A GOOD JOB WITH MY DAUGHTERS, THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE, AND MY HUSBAND AND I ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO GROWING OLD TOGETHER. WHATEVER HAPPENED IN MY PAST IS LONG DONE AND BURIED-WHOEVER IS NOT IN MY LIFE TODAY, WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE-I HOLD NO GRUDGES, MY TIME HERE IS PRECIOUS AND I REFUSE TO WASTE IT. I AM HAPPY TO BE GETTING OLD AND WRINKLED-I HAD MANY FRIENDS THAT ARE NOT LONGER HERE TO SEE OLD AGE, SO I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT OPPORTUNITY. I AM NOT UNHAPPY
I love being over 60+ – my life is fuller now, without the extras – I love spending with my children and grandchildren as well as my extended family – brothers, sisters and nephews, nieces and still have left over time for things that I really like to do like reading, gardening, sailing and most of all teaching and writing. My students keep me active and involved and “on my toes!” My life couldn’t be any better – so, I guess it depends on the definition of “happy” and/or “unhappy.” To me “happiness is the ultimate do it yourself project.”
I spent many years caring for others, children, 2 husbands that were sick a long time before they died. I am now 68 years old I live alone with my little dog and find fulfillment in church activity. I enjoy being able to come and go at will. I can do as I want, not having to answer to anyone. I enjoy my solitude. . I wake each morning looking forward to what the day may hold for me I have spent so many years depressed and sad. I don’t know how many years I have left but I will not waste one day lin sorrow. Each day is a gift from God.
I can understand and appreciate that belief….to a degree. It depends on the circumstances… Women who are content with themselves will find contentment in their lives. I never realized how unhappy I was until the ex up and left after 35 years together. it’s taken me a while to acclimate…but attitude is half the battle. When I felt kicked to the curb..it reflected in my everyday life. But I picked myself up and brushed myself off…. As of today, I have never in my life felt so emotionally free and financially independent. It was a long hard struggle… but I’m living proof that we are capable of doing what we set out to do. I am Woman…hear me Roar… always loved that tune….!!!!
Well, my life has changed since I was young (I’m 60), but I’m not unhappy. I simply cannot do anything about my age and all the physical changes that go along with it, so I see no reason to be upset about it. I’m not looking for a spouse and I don’t need one at this point in time; I’ve had two and I’m over it. I have two sisters and fabulous friends of both genders and I have a fun and content social life. Also, I see no point in constantly looking back and fretting about the past. I believe that I probably did the best I could with the information I had at the time and anyway, there are no “do-overs”. I have new dreams and ideas to explore and I intend to make the best of the rest of my life. Besides, my first husband was the Devil Incarnate, so my youth wasn’t all that great anyway.
I had heard about this article on another blog, but didn’t realize that maureen dowd had written it. So, now that I know who the author was, well, I’m not surprised she sees the world through that prism.
Marueen Dowd is the one who seems unhappy with her sharp, harsh, bitter tone with which she writes. I suspect she doesn’t get near enough sex, frankly.
When I hit age 50 I finally figured out what I was doing! Days ago I became 57 yrs old and life couldn’t be better! I’m doing what I love; engaged to get married when I WANT TO, no children, loving family members and a host of friends and most importantly I have a love relationship with the Lord. Life is sweet. It’s time we stop letting others tell us how to feel and go on and live. Yes, somedays there are aches and pains; the belt has to be loosed and some of last year’s clothes are too snug . . . SO WHAT! Get a life, live your best life, while it’s still today!!!!
ReggieE
I have never agreed with Maureen Dowd. She is a traitor to womankind! She promotes the hated this society has of womankind. Some people are happier when they get older and some are less happy. To a certain extent, we are all in charge of our happiness. I think she should stop listening to sexist and ageist propaganda put out by the world!
I think Maureen Dowd is one of “Serena Joy’s” sisters. Serena Joy is a character in a great feminist novel called “The Handmaid’s Tale”. All those women like Phyllis Schafley and Maureen Dowd are the sister’s of Serena Joy. These women are women and they hate themselves and all women. They will tell you how unhappy you are trying to actually be a well rounded human being. Your only purpose, according to them, is to keep the home and hearth running, serve your husband and children, and be subservient. Maureen Dowd needs to keep her mouth shut.
I disagree. I am 52 and happier now than ever before. I am more mature and wiser and know how to get myself distracted from unhappy things and circumschances and focus on the happy and meaningfull ones. I have more time for myself and to do the things I enjoy. I raised two beutifull children. Its has been a transition and not always that easy but slowly one step at a time I am moving forward and growing for myself.
I do agree that there are more reasons for women to be unhappier as they age, but that does not have to be the case. Women should be encouraged to overcome the challenges, instead of being scared to rush for the market to seek rescue. I also don’t believe it is a gender isssu. Men are not happier than women when they age. In fact, I’ve seen more grampy old men than women!
After 50, in my opinion, women lose their so called confidence in themselves as beautiful or attractive. A woman loses her youthful figure (unless $ are plentiful for plastic surgery). Wrinkles appear deeper and the body changes after menopause cause women to lose the curvy figure — all is the same size – straight, with no waist. Women have always been judged by their appearance, and those women who are concerned about their attractiveness become quite unhappy with themselves as their appearance changes. On the other hand, women become much more confident socially and spiritually being able to now see the past and how living life causes wisdom. We are quite complex, but I believe that women become unhappy with the way they look ( and men have always been attracted to the physical appearance before anything else). Therefore, I believe women (speaking for myself, now) do become unhappy with their appearances, but on the other hand become more happy with themselves intellectually, spiritually, etc. — much more confident and content with themselves. The unhappiness, I believe, is with the appearance. I am totally content with me as a person, but I feel as though my real self is kept in prison because of society’s emphasis on becoming old and useless., and unattractive.
Heak no!! I will admit that I am wiser because of my experiences, but definitly not unhappy. Actually, I see bad things that happen and look at what I can learn from them. For me, sex got better. I get so much joy from the grandchildren. They are like gifts from heaven!
I am NOT one of those women! I like to say I was “born sad.” Suffered from depression most of my younger years. I didn’t become truly happy until I turned 50. I’d spent 20 years in a bad marriage, and after he left me I was devastated. But after a year of recovery, I realized I had nearly half a lifetime ahead of me, and I had the power to make the most of it! I switched careers, met and married a wonderful man, and am now happier than I’ve ever been – and it just keeps getting better. I think a large part of my happiness comes from knowing I’ve “been there, done that” and the mistakes I made in my youth don’t need to be repeated as I age. I’m also finally comfortable in my own skin. So what if my hair is getting gray, I have some sagging skin, and I’m not skinny anymore…I’ve earned the right to be what I am! And my husband is right there, growing old along with me. Past mistakes don’t matter anymore because I have precious little time to worry about them, and I want to make the most of the time I have left here on this earth. At 50, I CHOSE to be happy, and at almost 58, life is really great.
I absolutely disagree! When I was younger, I may have looked better, but I was shy, insecure, silly, and always looking for love in all the wrong places! lol Now that I’ve turned 50, I may not look as hot, but I’m outgoing, confident, wise and comfortable in my own skin. I’ve learned to find love, joy, beauty and peace within my own heart, and I enjoy my own company and embrace my independence. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing!
P.S. And grandchildren are the BEST thing in the world! I couldn’t ask for greater blessings than I have at this time in my life and I am FINALLY happy after being unhappy for so many years. Fifty is Fabulous!