This year has had its ups and its downs…..no wait! In truth its been all ups, so why do I feel compelled to include the possibility of a downside to events in my life?
This must be the best change of all in me from 2009, my improved attitude that has finally, truly and remarkably gelled in my 56-year old self, that optimism is now at the very core of me–a joy of living life to the fullest from the right NOW of where I am in life….ah, it’s magnificent. I appreciate my fortune in life and love, and have stopped looking over my shoulder, waiting for the big ‘reveal’ of impending doom. In short, I’ve finally shed the unkindnesses of my youth and know that maybe I DO deserve the wonderful life I possess.
I’ve learned other things about myself, too. Simple things such as complete surrender to the warmth and love of a granddaughter, looking up, reaching up for comfort and guidance from the grandma she openly adores.
And I’ve accepted the fact that working in the ‘system’ of foster care was far too close to the bone for me. I’ve learned that there are other ways to make a positive difference in the lives of youth and families experiencing foster care.
I’ve learned that there are other women out there who share my vision of grand possibilities in later life, and that sincere inspiration can be found in the most unexpected places for those of us who will let nothing hold us back. Thank you, women of Vibrant Nation!
I’ve learned that I have previously untapped skills, and gained a world of confidence and knowledge in how to proceed in honing those skills. I’ve developed new passions, and encouragement and thoughts of writing possibilities fill my enthused waking moments.
And, I’ve seen that the distrust and disregard I’ve felt for certain groups of narrow-minded and heartless people is part and parcel of who I am. I no longer can ‘suffer the fools’, and it is an attitude of which I’m proud. I’ve become a ‘no BS’ kind of woman.
And finally, I’ve learned to say ‘No’ to self-doubt and occasional insecurities which crop up from time to time, the shadowed memories of single-digit years of my youth. I’d rather further my positives and possibilities than wallow in my negatives.
So, fellow Vibrant Nation women, my question to you is this: What vital lessons have YOU learned about yourself this year?
thank you so much Lisa, that helps a lot. I know he tried to blame me for so much stuff, but like I told all of his family and mine none of that added up to a divorce. I do realize it's his needs, it just hurts so bad to think how many years he's
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
I, too, am a very optimistic person and have said each new year that I learned and grown from the previous year and its experiences. I never understood how anyone could say a year was bad.
This past year has seen so many changes to my life that were life altering. You know the real stressful ones – death of a loved one and moving on. God knows I have tried! But this year has been like a frozen in time sort of thing. I am optimistic for the new year all the same.
God bless, J
Ah, yes….the truly life-altering result of the death of a loved one. It does seem, at times, like an unexpected death can alter so much more than merely your outlook on life, doesn’t it, as though it can change the very molecular makeup of who and what you are, forever more. I feel for you with this unwelcomed change in your life this year.
The ‘moving on’ part can be almost painful. I’m not so sure I’ve personally moved on successfully from past losses. In my tentative writing I find this theme of loss over and over again, relishing it–almost like scratching a blister or bashing into a bruise to feel the immediate pain once again. And yet, it was a motivator.
Just months ago I read online newspaper headlines from my hometown, which gave notice of a friend, a neighbor and co-worker, who had been murdered along with her husband and almost son-in-law. I grieved for her from across the miles, unable to be there, to help others who were feeling the same pain of sudden loss, and found that her death brought up so many memories and unshed tears that I surprised even myself.
It did throw me back into past remembrances, both happy and sad, and fueled my desire to express myself through writing like nothing else. Does that sound selfish? I hope not, because it’s the one, tiny blessing that I received from her life which was ended so tragically short. It was my way to make a triumph from her lovely legacy, and the smile and laughter she shared so easily with all who came in contact with her.
I hope that you, too, can find some lingering joy to experience from the life lived, before the passing of your loved one.
I can understand your urge to write in response to grief. I lost my beloved husband a year and a half ago, and writing has been my outlet to express my love for him and my heartbreaking, gutwrenching loss — and my way to reconnect with the outside world.
- Joan
I’m sorry for your loss, JoanPrice. I pray the Lord heals you through your expression, with words.
I must say — I’m envious of you! For some reason, I’ve always avoided using the term ‘optimist’, but I have always believed that every day brings a new opportunity for change. When I’ve been in despair, I would let myself feel the feelings for a short time, and cry myself to sleep if need be, while feeling somewhere in my soul that tomorrow would be ‘better’. I am struggling with that now. So many unpleasant and terrible things happened in my life this past year — the sudden loss of my brother, house facing foreclosure, lost a job, ended a relationship — that it is difficult for me to wake up with the kind of anticipation I used to have. What I have learned from all of this is that if nothing else, I am resilient. A close friend of mine said to me recently, “You amaze me. If everything that has happened to you this year happened to me, I’d be in a psych ward or I’d go to bed and stay there. If nothing else, I’d be taking a boatload of antidpressants!” (I didn’t have the heart to remind her: no job, no health insurance; I can’t afford antidepressants.)
I have often been described as strong and independent. There have been many, many days lately where I have felt defeated and weak and I wanted so much to depend on someone else; to have someone else around to pay the bills, find me a job, pay off the mortgage, and tell me everything will be alright. I have friends and family but no longer have that special person to emotionally support me… so I support myself as best I can, financially, emotionally, and hope, hope, hope that the next decade will not be as cruel and cold to me as the last one has been.
I think I will have to follow you around for a little while here on Vibrant Nation! While I’m healing my heart and holding on to my resilience, I might borrow a little bit of your optimism as well.
The secret to optimism is….see all things as learning experiences. That is what you have done as a survivor and you are more optimistic than you know.
Yes, sometimes it would be nice to have support and someone to lean on. That is the hard part of losing my spouse. But oh the memories! I am warmed and loved and I know we will meet again. Until then, I will remain optimistic that the sun will shine again on my life.
God bless, J
I’m sending you some of my optimism as well. I totally understand what you are saying – ssee my response comment. I am also described as strong & independent but you know what, without a special person(s), you temporarily are thrown out of your own self. Friends who may have known you for years have known that strong side & to be honest, are afraid of not having that strong person anymore. They will do their best but you absolutely said it right, I just want soome else to deal with my life for me at this point. I don’t want to be strong, independent, get up, feed myself, pay the bills, find the job. I want to lie down & not move. Get it, been there, still have those moments – I allow myself to not be strong.
We’re women – we carry too much as it is. Have a wonderful Selfmas – my version of Christmas.
I’ve had the big life altering experiences in the last two years – deaths, fighting cancer, job loss, depression & anything negative in between that I gifted to myself from myself. I didn’t think I would make it through the year, nevermind learning anything. I equated the experience to trying to tread in a pool of molasses – it takes all of your concentration & energy merely to keep your chin up but you don’t really make a lot of progress. I have never been one to reach out & ask for help but in one of those moments of dispair, I did reach out via email to a friend who also happened to be an intuitive coach. She provided me with tools in order for me to reconnect with myself.
The lessons I learned that enables me to be here, now to write this are:
- Reach out to someone, anyone. Losing my own self was devastating & made me think of suicide as an option. The ability to feel real emotions, to be able to cry and laugh because I need or want to makes me feel alive again.
- Don’t think tomorrow is another to see friends & family. I know it sounds very cliche but life can change in seconds & times like Christmas with them become memories. I miss my mother & my best friend, both who died of cancer, but not to the point where it consumes me.
- Join a online group, like this one. Women know, we understand the depth and breadth of emotion. We understand that emotions can equally heal & destroy but we intuitively know when the time has come to let go. We judge not those who cannot.
If I could learn only one lesson, I would chose the one that teaches to live in the present & always with positive thoughts. AND, more importantly, when you fall of the positivity wagon, it’s okay. Rant, just don’t hang on to the negative thoughts. Another cliche, not, this one is real. Is it easy? No, I still have moments when all I want to do is rage but they are moments not days, weeks or months.
To all my friends at Vibrant Nation, thank you for being here. I could never fully express my gratitude for sharing your wisdom & what it has meant to me. Merry Christmas.
Sending you hugs across the miles, HeidiG. I so appreciate your response. I had a miserable day yesterday. For the first time ever, I spent Christmas completely alone. My siblings, mom and I had a ‘family meeting’ recently that turned into a disaster. What was supposed to be ‘cleansing and honest’ became hostile and a little destructive. I think everyone left feeling a little bruised, and coupled with the recent passing of my brother, no one felt like celebrating Christmas. I don’t know that I have ever felt as low as I did yesterday. Like you, I have always been able to allow myself time to feel the feelings and then bounce back… but I’m not feeling quite so bouncy today. Seems I have lost everything that was important to me over the past 18 months or so and sometimes I think if I didn’t have two cats to feed, I wouldn’t bother getting out of bed at all. (I’m exaggerating a little here, but not much.)
I am used to going to the web for solace and support and that has always helped to a large degree, but this morning, I decided to take it one step further and look for a mental health facility that accepts fees on a sliding scale for those of us on unemployment insurance. I have a great many friends out here in cyberspace but I think perhaps it might be time for some actual face time.
So. Here is the vital lesson I’ve learned this year: There is no shame in asking for help or accepting it when it’s given. It’s a tough one for me as I’m a prideful person and have always taken care of myself, pushed past the ugly stuff of life and kept going, nose to the grindstone, shoulder to the wheel, yada, yada… and I now find myself almost out of steam.
Good for you, you are braver than I and many hugs back. You have taken the right steps and you are doing it on your terms not someone else’s. What struck so deeply was your comment about your cats. I have only one but if it was not for him, I would have gone through with suicide. What would happen to him? Would he end up in an abusive home?
I’ve spent christmas alone for four years and this year, it was better. I actually put up a tree for myself – small but it did the job. I had a lot more moments of small victories & joy than sadness. But, did I have those moments – sure, I just cried. My heart goes out to you regarding the family meeting. Take a little comfort in the fact that most people have family issues and you did in fact bounce back.
I admire you for going to the web for solace and support. This is a relatively new avenue for me. It’s only been recent that I’ve told my story, in some or any degree. Or reached out to anyone.
You’re not out of steam. Look at it as refueling. Everybody runs out of steam it takes the brave to admit it. Another round of hugs.
I’m sorry about your Christmas, Nine to Five. That must have been difficult; it would be for me, anyway.
But since this is the Spirituality forum, your circumstances remind me of a book I’d like to recommend to you (and maybe even others in your family – ?) BTW, if you don’t feel like reading (I didn’t feel like doing anything when I was depressed…) I’ve enjoyed this preacher’s messages on television, too. Here’s a sample, from his visit with Larry King: http://www.youtube.com/joelosteen#p/u/7/ISS7EftTNsc
Love the idea of ‘refueling’, Heidi. That makes a lot of sense to me! I also love the idea of “Selfmas” — how cool is that!
Exsullent, as I get older, I have learned that there are a great many things I don’t know or understand and I accept information and knowledge from all comers! But I’m an agnostic, bordering on atheism. I believe in the human spirit and am quite a spiritual person, but not at all a religious one. Appreciate your reaching out, anyway!
You’re welcome Five to Nine.
The guy on the left in the video attached feels exactly the same way as you insofar as his beliefs. I would encourage you to listen to his response in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkY7YI2upe8
Veery interesting…
Enjoy!
Ok, apparently I need to stay out of the spirituality forum. :-/ No more videos for me, thank you, Exsullent. I respect everyone’s faith and I get that people want to share the “good news”, but why does it seem that believers cannot rest until they get all nonbelievers on board? I respect their faith; why do people find it difficult to accept that I have chosen a different path? You take care of your soul; I’ll take care of mine. ^_^
Please don’t go out of your way to send another video for me; I’m moving on.
Why share the good news? If you’d watched that video, you’d know. But don’t worry, 5to9, no more videos from me! (If those two young men in that video had said that they weren’t interested in talking, Ray Comfort wouldn’t have chased them down the street, either. Jesus never “forced” anyone into the Kingdom of God, and neither can any of His followers.)
But, FYI: The man doing the interview for most of his life was an avowed Atheist. I was just raised in a foolish religion, like so many millions. We’ve both since found the Way, the Truth and the Life. Our search has come to an end; ALL doubts have vanished. And like God Himself, we just don’t want anyone to perish for all eternity.
Is that so horrible? ^_^
Take care…
I want to say that I’m a spiritual person, I can be spiritual without attending a church and watching religous program. You’re right anyone shall respect another’s way of finding peace, I pray, I give thanks and most importantly I respect other’s beliefs.
May you find solace and begin with a positive day.
Religion and spirituality can walk together or walk alone. Our religion is intended to enhance what we are learning of our spirituality. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
Walking in spirituality you also need support of your own spirit. Our earth lessons are based upon our relationships. Being kind and loving helps us see ourselves and others in the light of spirituality.
Being alone on any ‘special’ ocassion is difficult. Christmas has becomes such a secular holiday rather than a religious one.
Gifting, trees, Santa Clause are not about religion – they define our spirituality at this time of year. And perhaps the peace we feel at the music and pagentry can last us through another year of challenge.
God bless, J
Whoa you said it I too believe that religion and spirituality can work togeher and/or alone and it can work and/or not work.
I’ve been there growing up my parents taught us about God and worship. Becoming an young adult leaving home I learned that there were so many other religion/beliefs, I was confused.
I was also confused about why folks make a big deal out of Thanksgivings. I gave thanks everyday, and my gift was being myself giving back everyday. I don’t put up a tree, spend money on presents, and I told my kids when they were young “there is no Santa Clause”. It’s just another day give of yourself, and be thankful.
May we all respect each other for who we are and be thankful that we have had the opportunity to know another.
“I am me, that’s who I am”. LindaSue