How Do You Accept? Hot Conversation

How do you accept your age? How did I get to be this age? Yes, I did the pro’s and con’s, most are good but I have to admit, I am getting older, my body is telling that.

How do I accept living in a sexless marriage? Married to a man that thinks of me as his sister or best friend? How do I accept the fact that most of my time is alone?

How do I accept the fact that my child is on her own and doesn’t need me anymore? How do I accept that I have to find new interest to keep my day busy? How do I accept the fact that I don’t care anymore?

How do you accept that you have too much stuff and you need to get rid of it? How do you accept the fact that you live day to day wondering what tomorrow will bring if anything? How do we accept who we are and our situations?

Please tell me, how do we accept the fact that we are older, no mate, no interest and how to get our spirit back?

Simply, how do we accept our lives?

Posted in spirituality.

Related posts:

  1. How can I accept the fact that I’m looking old?
  2. I’ll accept invisible but I won’t accept irrelevant
  3. Husbands Family Will Not Accept Me
  4. Beginning to get my mother’s symptoms
  5. It is hard to accept that I too may get to be the same?

add your responses

28 Responses

  1. Generic Image 123WASH says

    Please try counting your blessing.  The future is what is damaged as you sit and ponder the past and cry about the present.  Pull yourself up by your big-girl panties and enjoy what you have.

    0 like

    • Generic Image Content says

       The future is what is damaged as you sit and ponder the past and cry about the present.

      Very true 123WASH.

      Eve, therapy can be beneficial, I would seek help-it seems as if you’ve lost hope.

      With respect to having too much stuff-get up, get it organized and take it to the Goodwill.  You may be able to help others who actually NEED things.

      0 like

      • watermusic watermusic says

        Is that quote your? It’s perfect.  You create the future with your attitude and actions about today.  Therapy, medication when it’s needed, prayer and faith. If you are a human you will suffer.  You will have trials and tribulations and then you won’t. Prayer and most of all forgiveness is the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves and others.

        0 like

      • Generic Image Content says

        No, it’s not mine watermusic.  It is from the post right above mine from 123WASH.  I copied and printed it-I agree with you, it’s perfect.  It reminds me a bit of-

        I Can Be A Victim or I Can Be A Victor-it’s all in the way one thinks about something.  A positive or a negative perspective.  I feel that forgiveness is more beneficial to the offended party than the offender.

        0 like

  2. Eve007 Eve007 says

    Thank you one and all, I knew I could count on you to give me that kick in the butt, get your act together attitude. I was depressed last night and you know, it doesn’t matter if it is an ant crawling across the floor if it bothers you, it is important. Yes, there are far way too many “important” thing to other people then this stupid stuff that is printed here. However, when someone is in trouble we have to reach out and try to help. I knew all your kind words to others were only one part of you. Now we see the others side. Thank you  – I needed that kick in the butt – i will go see who I can kick while down.

    0 like

    • Duffy! Duffy! says

      WELL. I, for one, would like to apologize to you, Eve. I’ve often told other people, “My worse reality doesn’t lessen YOUR immediate reality, nor does it make your pain (depression, whatever) any less.”

      That’s something I learned many years ago when I was dealing with a killer-vomiting migraine and my Mother told me I should count my blessings because there were people in this world who were DYING. My reply to her was I knew that, I felt horrible for those people, but somehow acknowledging that fact didn’t make the intense pain in my head hurt any less.

      So for that, I apologize to you. I think the problem here was you didn’t say “I’m having a bad night and I feel overwhelmed right now, so I’m reaching out to anyone who will listen.” Your post most definitely sounded like you were overwhelmed, but it also sounded like you intend to stay that way without trying to get help.

      That’s why we all must have misunderstood, why you didn’t get the empathy you were looking for, and why you now feel we all kicked you while you were down. You asked us “How do I accept _____?” We answered those questions, which we apparently should not have done.

      I’m sincerely sorry you were so depressed last night. I hope better days and nights are ahead of you, and IF you do need professional help – apparently possibly both you and your husband – I hope you’ll consider getting it.

      0 like

      • Generic Image dillin257 says

        Thank you for this reply Duffy,

        It’s true what you say, a depressed person should be able to reach out when feeling dark. Comparing them to others that are ill in a different more obvious way isn’t relevant. reaching out in this situation, shouldn’t be looked at as negative, or lazy, or a simple solution. The hardest step is the the first one, as small as it is. A depressed person is responsible for their own health. Once, you reach out, take action. Find counseling that will help, and work hard at it. Notice small improvements, constant reaching out without, your own action, will turn people away, it is complaining. keep moving forward talk to your doctor.

        Some thing you should try to put out of your mind, you want your daughter to be independant. Our bodies should age, in our 20s 30 we had our young figures, but no experience, now we have experience. I wouldn’t dwell on the sexless marriage to much either.

        just my 2 cents

        0 like

      • Eve007 Eve007 says

        Thank you, I know I didn’t explain anything, but when you in that state of mind your reaching out for something, for answers to make it all better and go away. Your not in your right mind. I have always helped everyone, I was the one that got things done, was there for my daughter always, my husband, just people I didn’t really know. So to be on this side of the fence is scary for me. Like so many I do not ask for help easy and do not know how I guess. I know everything everyone has said here. I know that I am so much better off than most.

        My husband has PTSD and bad back from the Vietnam War, he is on strong meds. My daughters husband is in federal jail for trying to have sex with a 14 year old, he had been doing that for four and half years. Have you ever had your child call you crying out of control, not able to speak. It is the most terrible thing there is. Now after a year of moving her three times, divorce etc. she is a different person all toether, who wouldn’t be. My husband and I have seen the doctors and people to try to help. I took the meds for depression and almost killed me. So, yeah – we have been there too.

        I know I have a good life, I can’t change the past and I need to get my act together and enjoy life. Now I am on insulin, my numbers aren’t coming down, my kidneys hurt, I am alone and scaried. Yes, I am overacting all this because I have never ever been in this situation – needing help. So thank you, I will get through this, I will get my head on straight again. 

        I am a Gemini, meaning there are two of me. Sometimes the weak on come forth. The drama queen, out of control and scaired. But today the stronger one is here and trying to get it together again.

        It is funny when you are depressed, people say get help, fill out all this paper work etc. The VA is really bad about that. It took forever for my husband to get paper work filled out at all. Then they would come back wanting more. It was all he could do to just sit in a chair and look at the wall. Some say get out of that marriage will someday he will be in a wheel chair, or it could be me. We are all we are all we have. I will be here to help him. He is the only one I have to help me at this time. Friends, sure= they are off traveling, doing things. Do not have the time to come by or want to hear about what is wrong. So yeah, I do feel alone, my daughter is very fragil, so I cover up alot. Don’t show my true self. But sometimes it gets to me and the only place I knew to come was here because I know there are so many women here that are going through or have been through life. Yes there are details of more, my mother having demenia, aliz, watching her die with cancer. Losing everything  because my husband had a nervour breakdown, trying to hold the business together, keep my house and gave it up so my daughter could keep hers etc etc etc.

        Everyone has a story -

        0 like

      • She Cat She Cat says

        I have PTSD, so I can empathize about what your husband, and YOU go through.  It isn’t easy living with PTSD, but for our carers, it can be a living hell.  They tend to take the direct hits from us, even though we don’t really mean it.  I used to be on a very good website for PTSD, and the ONE thing I learned right away…….PTSD IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR!!!!! 

        So if your hubby ever gets out of line, repeat that to him, and make him understand (when he is calmer) that PTSD is not an excuse for his bad behavior.

        If you would like the name of the site, send me a PM!!!!!!

        I too know all about depression, and have struggled all of my life with it.  It can be the darkest pit, with despair so thick, it feels like it will swallow you whole. 

        Please don’t ever hesitate to reach out and ask for help……..

        0 like

      • pinkim pinkim says

        Duffy, I had no doubt that you meant it the way that you did and that it was taken in the best way!

        0 like

  3. Generic Image SIZZELN says

    Eve007, I believe the situation with husband has taken you down a few hit notches and that’s a biggie! Why does your husband want you has a sister/friend now? mAYBE HE NEEDS TO SEE A DOCTOR!
    We can do our best to feel and look good, somethings can’t be fixed, oh well!
    You need a few friends, be friendly. Have you kept in contact with any friends from the past?
    I got rid of 8 55 gallon bags of clothes, yes I feel great about that :-) )…TRACK

    0 like

    • She Cat She Cat says

      Track,

      Part of PTSD is being close to someone.  At times, it feels as though it is suffocating to us.  Intimacy is extremely hard for people with PTSD, I know, I  have it, and this also affects me, and it’s one of the reasons I am not in a relationship……..

      0 like

      • Generic Image SIZZELN says

        She Cat, Thanks for enlightening me, I had no idea!…TRACK

        0 like

      • She Cat She Cat says

        You’re welcome…..Many people still belive that PTSD is a Vietnam Vet, under a bridge, drinking & on drugs.  People don’t realize that many of us are very hard working people, and very *normal* on the outside.  Many people when I tell them I have PTSD they can’t believe it. 

        It’s taken many years of therapy to get to this poing though!!!!!  There is no cure for PTSD, just therapy, medication(for those that want it) I choose no medication, but rely on therapy…..

        0 like

  4. Alicia Alicia says

    Hey, Sweetie:  I imagine there are many answers from many people, but NONE of them really help you.  I agree with another poster that perhaps therapy might help.  I’ve had to accept being alone for 5 years and it is the most excruciatingly difficult thing I’ve had to do (I caused it by getting a divorce after 31 years of abuse)…I don’t tell you that to make you think my pain or anyone else’s is the same.  Suffering….is suffering

     

    What do you like to do?  Do it.  I know when we take ourselves….out of ourselves by helping oters (volunteering, etc); it helps….for a while. Oh, sweetie I understand in some part…your alone time…….

     

    Ive overcome so much in my life, I refuse to let ANYone keep me down…..am in school at age 63, because I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about  my life.

     

    We need to live as if each day is our last, because some day, it will be……i try, but fall short; too much on my plate.  If you ever want to talk; send me a pm….I am a moderator of an abused survivors’ group and talk to women on the phone, also.

     

    I hear your misery.  Does your husband WANT to change and be sexual?  We can’t change anyone else but we CAN make changes and good choices for our lives.   Your child still needs you, but just in a different way now.  I hate change!  Unfortunately it is always happening.  Love and Hugs, Alicia

     

    P.S. I guess we just need to learn to be flexible, because things can change in the twinkling of an eye……..Change what you can; learn to live with what you can’t do anything about; talk, keep a journal, see a therapist….Hugs

    0 like

  5. Sunblossom Sunblossom says

    I think sometimes there are inevitable things we must accept and some things we must fight for…..it took me a year to accept that I am in my 60′s but I just kept moving forward…but I think I would personally fight for my sex life….and move out of the lonliness into the world….you should not have to accept a sexless life or tons of alone time, unless that is what you want.   All my kids are on their own, thank God I raised them to be able to do that….if you start looking you will find a passion, but there is sometimes a lot of trial and error first….it sounds like you have time to explore….when I was first divorced, I went to all kinds of lectures, photography shows, whatever the community calendar had going on….I know there are other lonely women out there, even if you had a plan to just meet once a month for lunch….part of alleviating the depression is finding stuff to look forward to, small or large….

    I know regarding the stuff that you will feel immensely better if you start clearing out the physical junk…..plan a fabulous garage sale, box stuff up for clothing consignmnet stores (who usually pay you cash in hand immediately, which then you can perhaps save for a small trip for yoruself etc.)….the best thing about tomorrow is that is is a fresh start…every morning as I put my feet on the floor the first thing I do is give thanks to God for another day…..and for the man sleeping still next to me….for he is a gift, flaws and all….menopause and aging are difficult things, not a breeze for sure, but I do know there are fabulous women on this website, and out in your community as well, who are willing to stand with you through this phase of your life.

    0 like

    • Generic Image dillin257 says

      Hi Sunblossom, I’m just wondering, how would you fight for your sexlife? If someone is in a sexless marriage, maybe they haven’t had sex with their partner for a year at least. If you approach your husband with your concerns, considering health, and physical fitness, stress, diet, alcohol etc. Talk together, agree etc, but it doesn’t change ….what do you do? Say he’s a nice guy, there’s nothing else going on for him on the side, he just isn’t interested. Do you leave, feel miserable? Just wondering what ideas there may be.

      0 like

      • Sunblossom Sunblossom says

        Sorry for the late reply I was away from computers all weekend…..I said that I would fight for my sex life because I feel it is part of what keeps me a healthy and viable woman…..by fighting I mean some of what you said, first discussing it (I think most couples go through a dry spell once in a while over the long term…I do not let it go more than a week or so and mention it fairly early on)….if you talked and agreed to try and make your sex life better, and it doesn’t, then I feel the person having the issue should agree to some counseling/therapy, physical exams to eliminate any physical problems etc.  I think fighting for my sex life means being proactive in doing everything I can to keep it intact, and that means both parties….of course, medical issues and concerns are a whole different ballgame…..but there is a difference between won’t and can’t…..if my partner was not willing to do that, then I probably would not stay….I am not married to him however, and have that freedom.  I am not and will never stay in a relationship where I feel miserable every day…life is too short.

        0 like

      • Generic Image dillin257 says

        Thanks Sunblossom, I need to hear different sides. ‘Can”t and “won’t” are very different!

        I personaly, don’t know how much to talk about this in this format. But I don’t understand “won’t”

        0 like

  6. Generic Image bonbon101 says

    Eve 007,

    Your child will always need you.  I am 59 and there are still times I just want my mother.  She is 90 now and our roles are reversing but I still need my Mama.  Be proud that you have a child who is independent but I am willing to bet that he or she still needs you. 

    We all have down periods and I am sorry you felt this way but things always seem worse in those wee hours of the morning when sleep escapes us. 

     

    0 like

  7. crystalli crystalli says

    Well, this all got off to a bad start, but happily it’s righted itself now and so…there’s lots of good stuff here, and I just wanted to add one more thing that I don’t believe I saw mentioned, which is:  Try not to focus on what you don’t have any control over.  No matter what, each year we get another year older; no matter what, for the most part, our children leave and don’t need us in a way that fills our time like it did before.  However, when we focus on what we can have some control over, the “uncontrollable” takes a back seat.  While working on what is within our power we (sometimes without even noticing it) manage to come to terms with the other issues, which makes a nice reduction in the overall burden of “How can I…?”  If and when you hit another bump in the road, we can all always talk some more. 

    I wish you the best.

    0 like

  8. pinkim pinkim says

    I came to this late, but my first thought is that no one means to negate your feelings but to simply put them in perspective for you so that you can find balance. I think that must have been what you were looking for and perhaps you found it…

    0 like

  9. Lisa Mallett Lisa Mallett says

    Hi Eve007,

    I wish I had seen this when you first posted it rather than coming late to the game now…because I think I understood exactly what you’re trying to express. 

    Your series of questions is so relatable…we get to a point in our lives and look around at what IS, and ask “how did I get here, how did this happen, how can this be MY life?”  For many of us there is a disconnect between what our lives actually are, and what we THOUGHT (hoped) they would be.  We certainly didn’t anticipate or expect the things that have happened (or not happened) and it takes some courage to look at and sort through it all.

    I felt that’s what you were doing – simply naming what is, in order to deal with it and come to terms of some sort…and figure out where to from here.  It’s called “confronting the brutal reality” and we can’t create something new or better unless we come to grips with what actually is (and how we feel about it).

    I believe the good news in this situation is that most positive and lasting change comes from deep discontent, and you do sound deeply discontented.  Something that could help you understand and channel these feelings is reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

    Wishing you all the best as you move forward!

    0 like

    • Eve007 Eve007 says

      Thank you for your help.

      0 like

    • Eve007 Eve007 says

      You hit it right on the head. At some point we all say how did I get here. Everything is going along fine and somewhere along the way- Blam.  I have always been one to get it done, fix the problem, but some of these things are out of my control. So, I do the best I can with what I have, change it, do something different – I am the only one that can make things different and for the best. It always amazes me that people like and other can hit it right on the head of what I am saying, been there, or just understand. I know I am not the only one with these things, but it is like you read my mind, that you wrote the book on this. Just amazing!

      Again, good and bad, I thank all of you for your input. We all look at things in different ways, but we also go by what we are told. I didn’t tell you anything basicly – that is why Lisa you said it all like so many others have. Thank you! I return to this page many times when I am getting a little lost and it brings me back to where I should be. Funny how so many people do not know what affect their words have on others.

      I am moving forward, little by little. My best girl friend says I should write a book on my experiences but no one would believe me. But I also know that we all have “a stories to tell”.

       

      0 like

      • Lisa Mallett Lisa Mallett says

        Hi Eve007 – I’m so glad to know you felt I “heard” you and understood. 

        Are you keeping a journal?  If not, why not start one?  There may very well be a book in your experiences, but if so you have to start writing, and journalling can be a great start. 

        Take care of yourself. 

        0 like

  10. Autumn Autumn says

    Eve, I know this is several months after the fact but I just read your original post and wanted to tell you that I hear you, sister! And I also completely relate to your feeling with regard to the first few responses you got. When a person is feeling lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut, it does NOT help to say, “Cheer up!” or “Count your blessings!” It just doesn’t. You have a right to feel the way you do, regardless of whether or not other people have it worse or better. 

    Sometimes what we need more than anything is for someone to listen, without judgement, and just validate our existence and our feelings. I hope things are better with you now.

    As you said, everyone has a story and you shouldn’t have to justify feeling rotten sometimes. One of my favourite sayings is: Be kinder than you need to be, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Wishing you peace and hope,
    Susan

    0 like

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Subscribe without commenting