Hi, I was unsure what to use as a subject line since I feel like I have no idea who I am at this point in my life and where I’m going. I don’t mind aging since it’s only a number but after pushing myself so hard (I am a Type A) at work, then caring for my Dad, Mother and Uncle, within a 14 months, who all passed on during that time period…my health has suffered greatly since then. However, I am so glad that I had precious time with each of them serving as their primary caregiver. I am trying to cope with the fact that I will always be in physical pain, (my bones are of a 90 year old and I have severe spine degeneration but am blessed with 2 wonderful specialists who are helping me bring the pain from a 10 to a 7. I am blessed to have a job but am dealing with “bullying by 2 colleagues” (yes, it still happens at this age..they are 40) while trying to figure out how to take care of my younger brother for the rest of his life who has Auzburger’s. I refuse to give up and I make myself go to work everyday (I cover up my health condition at work) and move through the pain so I stay mobile. I must admit the bullying is hard to cope with but I remain professional and have reported it to HR but there is really nothing they can do. I am also blessed with friends but don’t want to burden them. In the last 6 months I have been in the ER or hospital 4 times and am very weary physically, emotionally, spiritually and am so tired of my body hurting 24/7. Am going to a great counselor and she is helping me cope. However, I’m noticing that my body is changing…..I feel like I’ve lost myself and feel so overwhelmed with responsibility. My sister will not take any responsibility for our brother and she is unemployed and asking me for money. She and I have never gotten along and they are the only family I have left. My question…..does anyone else feel like this? I am struggling to remain positive at the same time I remain a realist. Also, the person I have been seeing for 20 years has had a hard time dealing with my health issues and has returned to his family/kids so our relationship is purely platonic. He hasn’t been their during any of the passing’s of my family nor my visits to the ER/hospital. My ex husband & I have been friends for years & he has been with me through each health crisis and the loss of my family but he is getting tired of this also and says I need to be more positive. I feel parts of me are disappearing little by little. Any comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated.