Hi, I was unsure what to use as a subject line since I feel like I have no idea who I am at this point in my life and where I’m going. I don’t mind aging since it’s only a number but after pushing myself so hard (I am a Type A) at work, then caring for my Dad, Mother and Uncle, within a 14 months, who all passed on during that time period…my health has suffered greatly since then. However, I am so glad that I had precious time with each of them serving as their primary caregiver. I am trying to cope with the fact that I will always be in physical pain, (my bones are of a 90 year old and I have severe spine degeneration but am blessed with 2 wonderful specialists who are helping me bring the pain from a 10 to a 7. I am blessed to have a job but am dealing with “bullying by 2 colleagues” (yes, it still happens at this age..they are 40) while trying to figure out how to take care of my younger brother for the rest of his life who has Auzburger’s. I refuse to give up and I make myself go to work everyday (I cover up my health condition at work) and move through the pain so I stay mobile. I must admit the bullying is hard to cope with but I remain professional and have reported it to HR but there is really nothing they can do. I am also blessed with friends but don’t want to burden them. In the last 6 months I have been in the ER or hospital 4 times and am very weary physically, emotionally, spiritually and am so tired of my body hurting 24/7. Am going to a great counselor and she is helping me cope. However, I’m noticing that my body is changing…..I feel like I’ve lost myself and feel so overwhelmed with responsibility. My sister will not take any responsibility for our brother and she is unemployed and asking me for money. She and I have never gotten along and they are the only family I have left. My question…..does anyone else feel like this? I am struggling to remain positive at the same time I remain a realist. Also, the person I have been seeing for 20 years has had a hard time dealing with my health issues and has returned to his family/kids so our relationship is purely platonic. He hasn’t been their during any of the passing’s of my family nor my visits to the ER/hospital. My ex husband & I have been friends for years & he has been with me through each health crisis and the loss of my family but he is getting tired of this also and says I need to be more positive. I feel parts of me are disappearing little by little. Any comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Warm Regards,
New Me
Shirley -Unfortunately we don't have control over others decisions. From what I have read, you are in the beginning of your relationship with this man. Although 8 months is time enough to sort through feelings, I'm not sure you should take him exactl
Hello old lady2,and JKL..... my location is 1/4 mile out of Sun River Oregon, Bend is the town. It is a ski, area in the winter, which may or may not be a down side. There are many older people that cross country, ski, and snowmobile. In the win
Loved your poem and will share with my yoga class tonight!
So, what I hear you saying is that this is unacceptable. Be clear and sure. You are not o.k. with this. If he wants this relationship (with you), he has to take down his profile and just be with you---it's always a risk on both sides. Thanks for fill
I have no big response, but when I read your post I thought one thing- she needs a vacation! Get away some place fabulous, and let no stinkin thinkin stop you from the trip of your dreams! Just a susggestion!!!
I agree with Kim about the vacation. I would also suggest that you take some “me” time once in a while to really connect with yourself. Maybe your identity is all wrapped up in your caretaking? Take a day off at least once a month and just spend it with you – read spiritual or self-help books (sign up for daily emails from a site like InnerSelf to give yourself a boost, too); take time with nature; and/or take time with your own inner thoughts. Get to know who you are again and acknowledge your own needs. We all have them! Too often I think too busy is just a way to avoid ourselves and, at this point in our lives, our self is the last person we should avoid – after all, we should be our own best friend! ♥
My heart cries for you my friend! You have a sister here that completely understands everything you are feeling. FIRST OFF-there is an alternative! Please get your doctor’s opinion on receiving an ADA Accommodation as I did. Your employer if of a certain size is REQUIRED to consider this. I have one that allows me to work only a total of 45 hours a week (I’m exempt and was working over 60+hrs.) This accommodation has allowed me to seek therapy, (which you could benefit from immensely) and not be badgered by my manager to work all night on reports and driving far distances. You are on the verge of breaking, take all the care for yourself RIGHT NOW. Take short term disability if you need to, there are laws that support you. This is the time to enlist the help of all family members and friends to gather and assist you and your burdens. Be truthful in your sense of urgency, gain control of your situation and things will get better. Email me if you wish to talk.
Have you considered filing for social security disability? I’m sure with your condition you may qualify. I’d go over to the SSA asap and put in your claim. I have worked with the kind of people you describe and I took myself out of the picture by quitting. It was a bold move but I am so much more at peace with myself and know that no matter what happens, I will survive. As far as your relatives, divorce them. There is no rule or law that says you have to or should support people who are fullly capable of taking care of themselves. You really need to protect your physical self while you still can. I wouldn’t be surprised that the stress of work and family are adding to your pain. That is quite common. Physical pain is quite often a by-product of too much emotional conflict and stress. Good grief, you have lost family, are stressed at work, and deal with your own physical limitiations. Tell your sister that she will have to care for you from now on and you will cease all future contact with her until she complies. That ought to send her off to mooch off of someone else. Whatever her issues are, she is not your responsibility. You are your resposnibility and don’t let people at work bring you down. If you refuse to leave your job, maybe a lateral transfer to another dept would benefit you. I think we spend far too much time during our waking hours with people we wouldn’t cross the street to say hi to, and why do we torture ourselves with their presence? For a paycheck. Start planning your exit strategy – can you sell things on eBay and make a business out of that? Or publish written articles on Kindle book formats? Find your passion – what do you love to do when you are not in pain and it’s a relaxing weekend? Do what you loveto do and the money will follow. And for inspiration, read “Make a Living Without a Job” by Barbara J. Winter. I listen to Joyce Meyer and Anthony Robbins for inspiration.
I am so sorry; I can feel your exhaustion, sadness and pain.
Bullies are INsecure and feel threatened. If HR will not do anyting (what I would do) is simply write a letter to the bullies…..respectful, polite and ask (knowing it will not happen); if you could have lunch with them or a meeting….at least that is in a sense…..taking some power back; letting them know that what they are doing is obvious to you.
Shame on them and HR!! I lived with verbal abuse as a child and then for 31 years in a “marriage”….unfortunately, the x never speaks to me or helps me in any way.
My thoughts love and prayers are yours. Love, Alice
You definitely need to learn to say NO to those who take advantage of you. You have been a caretaker too long, and now it is time for you to put yourself first. Make a list of what you would like to see in your future. Start by taking one day for just you….the things that make you smile….hair salon, manicure, massage, relax and read at the library, or Borders books, enjoy some comedy sitcoms and a glass of wine, and let the stress go. You likely are still grieving. Your body aches and pains may be fibromyalgia….I know mine are arthritis, and require daily exercise and alleve to combat the inflammation. Bullying at work at any age is inexcusable and you need to ask for help ….we have an Employee Assistance Program to deal with issues like that which affect our job performance. For me, I need to reconnect with my creator, God, and listen to christian radio, pray and listen for guidance, fill my mind with spiritual verses and quotes, re-affirm that I am valuable and am here for a purpose….learning that purpose is a journey that will bring you great blessings once you ask and listen. God Bless.