Today’s Featured Comment
I, too, left a well-established marriage at age 60 after 38 years of marriage, and our divorce finalized 9 days past anniversary 39. ( There is no need to re-hash the reasons or the history, as the original question was about the lessons we’ve learned after being divorced late in life.)
These are some things I have learned:
- I have learned to live alone, having never had the experience in any of the previous 60 years.
- I have learned what I like to watch on TV because I now control the remote device.
- I have learned whom to trust and not to trust when seeking advice, whether financial or buying major items.
- I have learned that I don’t have to do all the home maintenance because there are good handymen in my community happy for the work; they get it right usually the first time and they don’t grumble and complain as they do the work.
- I have learned that I like making my own decisions without having to consider another’s opinions or asking permission or having to argue with that person before I can proceed.
- I have learned I like traveling on my own and doing what I want when I want, whether that is something or nothing at all.
- I have learned that I am happier now than anytime in the past because I am in charge of my life. I am not rich but I am comfortable and can look at this post-divorce house and furnishings and everything else and say, “This I did for me.”
The sixth anniversary of my divorce was August 14. I went out to dinner and had wine with me, myself and I. We had a lovely time making plans for the coming year.
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
What life lessons did divorce teach you?
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The key here is to begin making some decisions on your own. What is it you want to do? Sounds like you have the insurance thing figured out, are you seeking agreement? concensus? There are no "shoulds" only decisions based on rational/critical 
Oh my gosh! I felt your inner pain ... and I apologize for the fact that when I got to the part about setting your hair on fire, I laughed. I'm so glad you weren't hurt, and hair grows back. Perhaps a new hair-do would not only rectify the situation 
There is no such thing as a legal separation in my state..The only way I can get husband out of the house is to force him out..He refuses to leave..I would have to file for divorce and get temporary orders including a restraining order..
I feel so
doggiediva - I live in Florida which is a no fault divorce state. Everything that was accumulated during a marriage has to be divvied up 50/50. Unfortunately, he has nothing but the house to offer you. Because of your health situation he may not be e
You go girl!! I have had many marriages, a son out-of-wedlock (as the phrase used to be), He is 25 in Sept and I am 66 and on my own. Not much money, however the cats and I are warm dry and fed. Obvioualy from the number of divorces — I do not follow instruction well/ at all. The trees don’t whine when they need water, no one cares where the blankets are on the bed, and I do laundry when it is time.
I was fat, tall, smart, and wore glasses and spent my school years as a hostage in a country school. I was never chosen first for anything. My mother had a compliant younger daughter and I was handed off to a neighbour woman. No wonder I never chose — the men always chose me and I was sooo grateful. Strange how that old old program ran my life for over 50 years. I raised my son alone, and he is a fine, hardworking, successful citizen. I swore I would not raise him as my mother did me. Too much heart ache and not enough self esteem.
Just envisioning your journey and reading of your transformation reminds me that so much is still possible for me!
Inspiring!!!! You sound so happy, good for you…..
wow! i am so happy for you! you just gave me courage! i wondered if i was all alone in what i am doing. everyone(except my closest girlfriends) tell me i am nuts to do it. i am 69, left my husband of 51 years marriage (he is 76 and he is petrified to be alone in old age now)- left him 2 months ago. i love being alone in my apt. i love doing what i want. i now love love love the fabulous time i am having with my new relationship ,found on match.com, of age 54. he is gorgeous, muscled body, an athlete, we have so much in common, and sooooo good in bed like i never had it before. i am feeling alive and sexy, and confident. i am alone and doing well for the first time in my life ,having married at 18.You showed me i can do this! but i do not want to be alone forever. i want a man someday permanently. you gave me such hope that others are also doing the same!! I will not go back to my husband _( not legally separated yet or divorced)–i see i am not alone. THANK YOU! I WILL DO THIS EVEN IF MY SON IS ANGRY AND THINKS I MUST NEED PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.!!!
Good for you and I hope you continue to enjoy the years of your life. I just turned 50, and although I’m currently unmarried (divorced years ago) I do have friends who are struggling in their “gray divorce” decision. I know it’s not a simple one, but real change and growth is life often is not.
I believe in marriage, but marriage, like human nature is undulating. Often the person we pick as our partner at the age of 25 is not the person who fits into the landscape of our lives at the age of 55. In an “ideal” marriage, I think it’s essential for people to grow together at more-or-less the same pace, continuing to keep the marriage alive. More often, or at least what I’ve been witnessing, the long-term couples I know have not really grown together, and in their empty-nest, their differences and what they really want in life, are exposed.
It takes courage to build a new life separate from the one you’ve always known, but I think the rewards can be well worth it. Staying in an unfulfilling marriage for the sake of marriage itself can wear away at the soul.
If you have a good marriage that has stood the test of time and you actually like being with your spouse after 25+ years, consider yourself blessed and continue to be happy with the gift of marriage. If not, take the time to think about what life on your own would be like, the pros and cons (there are plenty of both) and if you need to, remember, you have more courage that you probably give yourself credit for.
I often wonder if a “man” is the answer, what is the question. Please tell me that a man is not the answer, with or without isn’t it me who goes wherever I find myself.
No a MAN is NOT the answer!!!! I’m not gay, but other than the sex thing, I love being with my girlfriends. It’s non-stressful, easy, trips are more fun, eating out usually involves sharing what we like, stuff gets done without arguments. I get up, I go. ALL my friends feel the same way married or not….
Wow….I just found this site by accident. CBW…..are you ME? You said everything I’m thinking!! I’m married 33 years, sick of arguing over hanging a picture, sick of all of it….he’s not a bad guy, but I want to be left alone. I want to move to Sedona with my dog, get a motorcycle if I want, clean up only after myself, not have a debate with anyone on where or what to eat. We were apart for a year, not separated, but doing necessary things and I loved it. I’m done. He knows it. I want to hang with my girlfriends. Just getting things in order and I’m gone…..outta here….takin’ a hike…..