Most of my adult life, I have worked to support my family. My 2 children are now adults and my common law husband David has now started a business in this new community we moved to a few years ago.
I am a slightly shy but friendly sort of person. But I find that whenever we meet anyone, I am referred to as David’s partner or Tami’s mother. I have joined community groups and volunteered but nobody seems to remember my name. I get comments like…oh your David’s partner and I say yes..I am Diane but then there is no more conversation.
I have recently purchased a trailer and set it up at a summer campsite thinking it would be awesome to meet new people when I went on weekends or vacation. Yes it has been awesome, My daughter is there also and usually people will invite her to their campfire and say…oh yeah your mom can come too if she wants.
I have no friends at all…I am not that quiet that I dont speak. I just dont know what I am doing wrong? Even people my age or older will hang around with my daughter or David and if I am there they will talk to me. If I go to the campsite alone, I get a little wave and nothing else. when Tami or David come, the others gravitate to our trailer for coffee or a chitchat within minutes of our arrival.
David and Tami think this is funny but I find it hurtful. any suggestions? I cant force people to like me but darn its lonely to be always..the partner or the mother or totally invisible.
How funny....i only very recently (within last week) read the coconut oil articles on the web. (100 uses, 80 uses etc.) so i bouht some and ordered some from amazon. (Im a stockpiler.)
Have started trying some of the uses. I tried using it a
If your going to be financially secure enough to venture out and see whats available in the B & B field...take your time and check it out. If you have to jump into a job..just to have one..you will not be happy. Hope you get the time to find wh
I’m not sure what’s going on with that. Don’t let it get you down. It may be that in some communities, there is a need to “place” everyone and since David is the reason maybe with you being there, well, it’s how it happen’s sometimes. Something funny happened to me about a year ago. I have always felt like the dangling participle when I’m out with my husband at his things. One time, he went with me which rarely happens. They were making out his name sticker and wrote “Mr. Cindy” I thought it was hilarious. My husband didn’t. It did give him a flip side of how invisible one person can be made. Just hang in there. Something you can do is insert yourself in conversations when you can. Tell things that reveal who you are. Give them a reference point. “See” you later ;^))
Have you got a hobby? Join a club that fulfils that interest and you will meet people with the advantage of having something in common from the start.
Also there are MeetUp.com groups in every city – lots of choice there for you.
Maybe approach people first instead of waiting for your partner or daughter to. A smile, a Hello I’m Diane might be the trick.
Good luck and don’t worry
i have no friends here in So Florida, just coworkers but outside of work, NONE. I find that people here in So Florida are very much into their own family or group and outsiders are not so readily allowed in. That is why i am so happy that my nephew and his wife are coming down. It has been 13 years of just the three of us…. my husband, my son from a previous marriage and I. That is why i take so many vacations, that is my way to see and be in a different environment.
I notice that so many of us are really lonely and needing friends, yet, I for instance do not meet anybody like that in my community. I knew 4-5 women that are President of their associations and because i am also involved in our community i did a group invitation to go walking either in the morning or at night and they all replied “maybe some other time, i am so busy right now” Some of them really need it!
Hi Deanna2,
I would describe myself, like you have. Slightly shy, but friendly. This is what I do. I introduce myself to people I don’t know, just in a simple way, not showy. I then try to think of some short ice breaker that is not just the usual, like what do you think of the weather. I might communicate to people through their children, if their little kids are playing, or they have a new baby etc. Older people, I might ask if I could bring them back a cup of coffee etc, if I’m getting up. I am pretty quiet, but I think that makes me a good listener, so I have decided, I’ll just wait to make my move. Which means I don’t have to start a conversation right awayI can get a feel for the situation. I am definitely not loud, or centre of attention, but I’m sincere about what I say. I move around too. All this took a great deal of effort as it doesn’t come naturally.
thank you all so much for your comments. I think what happens is that because I am quiet and my daughter and partner are louder they get noticed more. I usually end up being referred to as that nice lady..tami’s mom or davids partner…of course nobody remembers my name. I have tried to be friendlier and more outgoing and there are some people now that say hi when they see me and i guess eventually it will lead to getting to know some of them more.
I do have a dog and we take walks together and seldom do we meet people. Our little town has approx. 3000 people in it so it doesnt take long for people to recognize each other.
maybe I am just imagining things but I sure do feel sometimes that if I just vanished nobody would notice or they would say…whatever happened to whats her name. As my daughter would call it….i am having a pity party these days.
keep in touch on VN, there are many of us feeling the same way. Lonliness is difficult, you can find friends here.
thanks Dillin…and everyone else.
tomorrow night I am hosting a barbecue for the Lion’s club..so pity party over and yakkity..I love the shirt idea! funny thing is..not only do I work full time, I also own a graphic shop where we do custom shirts and things so I could do that in no time.
I am going to try some of these pointers beginning tomorrow…I will report back for sure
Have fun at the BBQ!
Get your dog some fancy, imaginative tee-shirts that will be conversation starters, maybe even matching shirts for the two of you.
You’ve been given some life-affirming advice here. Stop making excuses (written with l.o.v.e.) and cancel the pity party. Get out there and live and allow others the pleasure of your company.
Be happy.
Make yourself a regular at the local shops and businesses, get to know the staff and drop in to chitchat. Before you know it you’ll be meeting other frequent customers/browsers and what store doesn’t appreciate the appearance of being busy.
Dogs are great ice-breakers, too, you meet the most interesting people (fellow dog owners and not) while walking the dog. Take a trip to the rescue facility and bring home the first of your new friends.
Be happy.
Above all else SMILE. Inside and out. Just remember that if nothing else they will wonder what you’ve been up to that put such a wonderful smile on your face. They might even ask. I know it is hard to do, this use to happen to me, but make your self go into a function thinking positive thoughts. Stop assuming that people will shun you and they will feel your excepting, positive, self assured vibes.
And I can tell you it will be even more hurtful if David were no longer here! You will be grieving for your loss and find people had so much to save about his friendship, but lack connection with you.
Be a bit pushy – particularly if you are shy or laid back. No one else can make friends for us – it is one job we must do for ourselves. Be a part of community events until someone does know your name. It may be hurtful at first, but persevere. There will come a day when it is only you to do this job.
God bless, J