For 7 years, I’ve lived and worked in a medium-sized college/family town 35 miles north of a large city. In that time, I’ve found it hard to find or create community, and have met no one to date (I’m 61, have been divorced 13 years). The one boyfriend I had lived 1000 miles away; we were introduced by a friend.
I have a few friends in the city, and there’s a lot more going on there. Moving to a city neighborhood I can afford would mean a 50-minute commute each way, as opposed to 10 minutes now. I work in the office 2, sometimes 3 days a week. The rest is from home. I do travel often, some for work, some to see old friends where I used to live. Has anyone faced this question? Suggestions? Thanks!
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Oh, how sweet. Yep, looking back, I just embrace the awkwardness of her. Thank you for your sweet and meaningful reply.
Shirley - that's funny but what you are saying is true about the men...first sex, then a little company, then back to the dating sites. :) There are too many fish on line to stick with just one so they go back to see what else is available. I am a me
I’ve faced the opposite question, having lived in a large urban city all my adult life. I’ve often thought of moving into my country house and using the city as a place to visit friends, see movies, museums, etc….but when I think of the energy in the city, the spontaneous ability to do interesting things and be stimulated by new activities and people, I realize I would not want to give that up, especially as I get older.
So, my advice, give the city a try. Especially as you’ll commute only 2-3 days a week, you can make it manageable, and make it work for you. I don’t think you’ll regret it – as long as you’re prepared to pay more for everything. I suggest that you draw up a projective budget for yourself before you get started, including all the details of renting an apt. in a city. Ask your friends how much they pay for groceries, transportation, entertainment, etc. When you have that type of budget put together, you can better decide if a city move is feasible….but I think, if you’re actually thinking of a move, you’re will to give it a try.
Have fun!
Thanks, tiya! I’ve just begun to look at city housing, and it’s not as bad as I feared (less space for the money, but I knew that), and I may rent out my current house rather than sell, in case I want to come back. I already go into the city for most groceries and entertainment; now they’ll be closer to hand. You are so right to suggest the budget; of course I’ll run into surprises, but it’s smart to head off as many as possible.
I mentioned my idea to a younger neighbor and colleague, who said she would miss me, but she also wondered why I hadn’t done this years ago. Apparently others see me as a city woman?
Thanks again for your perspective and experience!
I too am considering doing this. How did it work out for you?
Hi birdlover,
I’m glad to be here again and report. I have not moved. I found a realtor who specialized in the neighborhood I like, but over the summer, the freelance work I do on the side, which has been my source of extra security (would pay for a move, etc.), simply vanished, after 7 years. I’ve received all jobs by referral, have never been without one or two clients. So I backed off. My realtor told me this kind of thing happens before elections, and I will see my work resume after the new year. I am waiting to see, but honestly, I don’t miss DOING the extra work!
I continue to go into the city at least once a week for the cultural activities I enjoy, but the community I seek eludes me. I have friends there, but I am not REALLY there, and maybe it’s true, that older people have a harder time creating community, or entering into it. By now, so many have established circles where they are. I’m beginning to understand why some single women move back closer to relatives or childhood haunts. Even if the situation isn’t ideal, it’s familiar. Home is where they have to take you in, etc.
I continue to travel to visit old friends in places where I have enjoyed more community. So the answer is, I’m in a holding pattern, and expect something will change eventually. It always does!
Thanks for giving us an update, annmc. Interestingly, there was an article in the New York Times today that might be of small interest. Mostly it’s about people who broke up or lost their pets, and decided they needed ‘relocation therapy’, but there’s one commenter who makes some interesting observations about city living when you’re on your own in the nearby suburbs:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/06/realestate/relocation-therapy.html?hpw
Thanks, tiya! What a good article. One thing I failed to mention above is the enjoyment AND ambivalence I derive from the house (near work) I’m in now. It’s the first I’ve bought on my own, which is significant, and more spacious than anything I could afford in the city. Yet year after year, I’ve put off fully furnishing the living room or changing the old kitchen floor — as if the place isn’t fully mine yet, or I might move at any time. Instead, I spend $ on travel. Perhaps the solution is to find a city job? Hard to switch at this point (I am 61) but it could be the next chapter. Next week I’m going to speak with my financial adviser, in the city I used to live in, and see if she has some ideas. Your budget suggestion at the start of this thread was excellent.