Hi…I wish I could pull myself out of this hole!!! One day I feel positive & the next I feel hopeless. What’s wrong w/me? I should be happy…I have a good husband who cares about me & spoils me, don’t have to work, mom lives w/us & I am the caregiver for her & she helps us financially & that makes our stress level very low, so what is my problem??? Well, I’ll partially answer my own question…Caregiving is challenging &I have a family curse…depression. I’ve been on meds for about 10 years my primary doc increased & added to my meds since my mom has been living w/us.
I know I have to involve myself in something other than caring for mom, but when there’s not much get up and go it’s very difficult. I think maybe my spirit has been broken & I can’t seem to get it back or fix it. My feelings are not consistent. There are so many days that I wish I wasn’t even here…life feels so difficult. I’ve gotten some good advice from my friends from VN but can’t seem to put it into action. I don’t mean to always be dramatic but these are my feelings and I don’t like them but don’t know how to change them.
Can anyone show me the road to happiness???
Keep the relationship as it is and it will continue to work just fine. My thought is the experiment of changing anything will create a different relationship that may not work as well.
There are so many pluses to the way it is. No confrontat
Hi there, I don't want to sound harsh but, I have to say that if you are 47 and he is 22 , hard for me to believe that you're getting any satisfaction. Can you please explain what is it that you like about him? you should think about it in a more 
You have a lot of positives going for you and when you feel desperate and depressed that makes it even worse I think at times. You go through your inventory of life and say, what’s wrong with me? I have XYZ! Been there. When you have the depressive gene, life is a crap shoot. I’ve been on various meds. Currently on Lexipro. I was on Effexor for about 15 years, 13 of which I functioned. It’s so frustrating finding the right cocktail of meds, vitamins, supplements to help. I have an arsenal of that. Just the other night I was thinking of checking out. Felt everyone would be better off without me. That’s where I get in my dark hole. Keep reaching out to women!!! I am so blessed to have a new group of like minded women. Not with depression are we like minded, we are all in the same place in this journey of life. I feel I’ve known them all my life. It has been difficult finding that where I live. Work on yourself. Be selfish. I’m trying to get rid of that word, selfish. It’s crucial to feel connected. I know when you’re in that hole it is so difficult to take a step. Posting here is a step! Make another! I have gotten so much support from women I don’t know, will never meet online. I have dropped the facade and reached out, wearing my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes that gets stomped on. Most times, not. I have such a passion for women that are hurting for whatever reason. I truly believe it is our time to shine. I’m learning that. Talk a good game, now putting it into action. It’s been a very long road. There are ups and downs for sure. Have you tried a gratitude journal? I have done lots of reading this past year on spirituality, mid life, post menopause, empty nest, etc. It helps me to realize I’m not alone. Please keep reaching out. You have a great husband which is awesome. Start there with your gratitude journal. Write just how he is a good man. In detail. I’m in a loveless, sexless, nothing marriage. Just the other day, I told him I’m going to do what I want. He does and it doesn’t include me. He always makes me feel guilty about spending any money. I’m not….well I’m going to try and not get sucked into that anymore. It’s my turn. It’s your turn too honey! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Thank you for your kind & supportive words…I’ve been on Effexor for the last 10 years & it has been helping, but maybe I’m becoming immuned to it, I may need another type of rx, I’ll have to talk to my primary doc. I have been doing some researching about spirituality & positive thinking & also doing a lot of talking/praying to the Lord…trying to believe he is out there looking out for me…I’m the kind of person who needs proof, but I know I’m not going to get it, I realize faith is believing w/out seeing. This is difficult for me.
Fran
Linda, what type of women groups did you join & where did you find them they sound positive. You’re right I must take the next step…which for me I think is to stop searching for groups online & just join one…I think I keep looking for that magical group, which probably doesn’t exist.
If you can find a group, I recommend environmental conservation volunteering. In my experience, these are very non judgmental people. There is a specific physical task usually in beautiful surroundings, and gives you something really interesting to talk about.
With the good days/bad days thing, it helps to use the good days to make appointments outside the home, or give invitations, so that you have extra motivation when it’s harder.
Beyond that, you can respect your sorrow. Read Alan Bennett, or Chechov, or Bronte, who made melancholia humane, elegant, and indeed funny. It is not shameful to carry that weight.
Slightly weird post, I know, but good luck with it all.
Thank you Anonymous, I’ll give it a try…
Oh, and vitamin B. You can get very depleted with stress. Worth looking into other nutrients you may need too. If you spend a lot of time indoors, you may lack vitamin D. Anaemia is quite common, and magnesium is often recommended.
I wonder if you are getting enough physical contact? It’s so easy to drift into rather ‘polite’ habits. If you are able to get more hugs (six seconds or more, as I have read somewhere), this can help to break the ‘bubble’ of isolation. Even just touching hands can help. And remember, asking for help is a gift, as it makes the other person feel useful and important. People love being asked to help.
Hope whatever you choose to do makes you feel stronger. You’re worth it.
I found when I went through a bout of depression (situational) putting together a happy journal helped. Each day I listed things that I needed to do to pave the way to feeling happier that day. Some were as simple as putting on make up in the morning, find a joke and tell a joke and make someone laugh, have a bubble bath, read 30 mins , watch a funny video, join a group, or take a class, exercise. Some things I did every day, such as smile in the mirror. Daily entries could include a gratitude list also.
Thank you all for your wonderful support, I’m going to try it all. Also, when I’m feeling good/better I will post positive instead of negative…
Please visit this website, JoyceMeyer.org, and go to the broadcast page. You can then listen to her messages. I believe this will be great encouragement for you. God loves you! He wants you to have peace and joy in Him.
Positive is good, but you don’t have to be a Christmas tree – real life is more like an oak, with it’s seasons, and supporting all sorts of lichens, insects, dead twigs and woodpeckers. It would look stupid all in twinkly lights. It is beautiful as it is.
OK I’ll try and stop now.
Yes, I agree it’s important to remember life has its ups and downs. It doesn’t hurt though to find ways to manage the down times
although when we are talking clinical depression it is a whole different matter.
Are you seeing a psychotherapist as well as taking the medication? It always helps to work with someone, especially if you have clinical depression, besides taking medication. Medication alone is never enough. Caretaking is very difficult and you may need some help with it, or at least someone to come in for a few hours a week to give you a break, so you can do something pleasurable for yourself. Talking about all of this – your depression, care taking, etc - with a therapist may help you work through your lack of energy, so you can come up with a plan that makes life more worth living for you – you really deserve it.
I haven’t read all of the posts, but I can tell you what I do. : ) I have a loving husband with all the trimmings, but have melancholia on my dad’s side…I have a touch of it, as well. Like you, I can be happy, happy and for no reason “dreariness” hits me square on.
I do a variety of things to ‘keep moving’…moving seems to eventually lift me up, out of the doldrums!
I taught myself to paint and have paintings all over my house, I work in Polymer clay which is tons of fun. There are hundreds of How To videos on YouTube. I went to meetup.com and met one lady friend…we meet about once every couple of months for a movie and lunch. One thing I have learned is that we are not always, happy, happy, doldrums will happen and that’s okay! I’m not sure why we think we need to be happy all the time. : ) It’s not going to be the case. Oh well…
Stay tuned and let us know how you are doing!